Belsara and Nidas Narrative poem by Leo Auciello

Page1 'BEGIN'

Slowly, yes slowly do not make haste for the fancies of the heart must aspire freely and not at the will of the suitor Patience, yes patience the machinations are known to no-one, with patience the fall from heaven is not so wounding Love, what of love ? comes and goes of its own choosing, merit that some are more prone to its seduction and fall deeper into the abyss Heart, yes beating heart erupt from my chest in anxiousness, leave me, be gone! Be strong, my mind must will it! I, what of you? Know this truth and walk steadily to the well from which you wish to drink, For many in their haste have drowned.

Page 2

Dearest Belsara do you believe in love at first sight? Is there really an ideal? How does this pertain to reality? Does a person delude themselves into believing they love someone just by the want and need for love?

Is it magic? Do you walk on air and in wonder? Is the one you have fallen for always present in your mind? Are you so high that you cannot breathe? Does your stomach ache? Is the person your first thought in the morning and your last thought before sleeping and everything in between? Do you want to share everything of yourself and every day with everything of that person and all their day?

Do you see yourself growing old with that person and sharing a lifetime?

Is he/she gentle and true to their word? Are the promises they make kept? There is so much I wish to know of you and so much I hope you wish to know of me. The future is not certain and our relationship very new. I wish us both the very best life has to offer and if by some chance we are to share life together, my wish for us is all the happiness the universe has to offer.

With love Leonidas

Belsara:

Dear Leonidas, I do not believe in love at first sight but I do believe at first sight, something about that person captures you and you want to find out more, therefore I definitely think it begins as an idea and grows or diminishes as you learn more about each other and reality unfolds

Yes there really is an ideal. What in life is really important to you and what is not?

I would say that there are people who delude themselves just for the desperate want of love, but I don't think that it'll work out for that person. 'True Love' cannot be something you talk yourself into, can it?

Page 3

Yes it really is magic - it's the most unbelievable feeling, It's so crazy that as hard as you try to focus on other things, thoughts of that special person creep into your mind at every possible moment.

When the phone rings and you know it's that person, even after much time has passed, your breath is taken away. As the time approaches when you are to meet, the anxiety absolutely antagonizes you. You try and hold yourself back of giving everything because you fear that the person receiving doesn't feel the same way and doesn't appreciate your depth of caring, but 'wow when you know that everything is just as it should be and you can just let it go and be open to receive - it's well, no words can describe, 'speechless'

Society says that we must maintain our individuality and rightly so, but when you're really in love, it's hard to consider doing anything without your love.

Is it forever? I believe it's always the intention. I admire couples that make it work, complete selfless commitment, what have they endured to maintain that? What sacrifices did they make?

I am completely amazed that you exist.

Love Sarah

Dearest Belsara

It took ages for me to fall asleep last night as I could not stop thinking of you, I must admit to you that I too am a little afraid, not of you, as I can see you are incredible and everything I could possibly desire, want, need and love.

Page 4

A poem…..

Portrait that she sees She sits writing a poem, words come from the unknown, There is no way of knowing where the passages come from, The ideas are from her life. Scenes drift past her eyes, her mind takes to flight, She sees the portrait in her head and writes that of which she sees Now she is enveloped, each letter a music note, the portrait clearly seen, drifting further down the stream. Her thoughts are a river.

Have a wonderful day my beautiful Belsara, with love and sincerity Nidas

A poem

I have had days like so many other days which came and went in an instant I have had days like other days that came and went before Days that pass lazily and days that roar Hours of minutes and seconds in reverse, passages of time tripping and skipping, notes of musical score I have had days of persecution and days of redemption, accused and forgiven, charged and given perdition, then mercifully restored I have had days of heaven and days loitering on the River Styx.

Page 5

To my love Belsara

Is there the existence of the soul? Is the essence of form the spirit? Is it beyond our reason and has anyone truly grasped the intangible? Are these thoughts and questions based on more than my curiosity? Must I venture beyond the place where my fears reside to seek the questions so that I may discover the appropriate answer? What question and who is to give this answer? When I arrive at the creative core am I expecting to meet an "enchanted wizard" maybe an "angel of answers" or maybe even a God? (Does god exist? Well that is another subject with no real answer as everyone has their own opinion and of course are entitled to it) or will it be mine own soul giving me some biblical or philosophical cliché? eg:

"LITTLE BEAR THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK ARE WITHIN YOU" or "KNOW THYSELF"

Luckily I am not too stupid (hahahahaha) so I get the fundamental meaning of these statements but, what if my capacity for logical, clear or conventional thought was handicapped by stupidity or ignorance, what then? Would I be a follower like the legions of sheep that are told what to think and believe?

Something I heard: A pastor asked the non believer "IF YOU ARE RIGHT AND RELIGION IS WRONG, THEN YOU ARE SAYING YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THE BILLIONS OF PEOPLE THAT FOLLOW A GOD THROUGH INSTITUTIONALISED RELIGION"

My answer is: Well maybe those billions are correct ( you see there is no real answer because no person or animal that has made the final trip has come back and those that say they have the keys to the kingdom beyond, hold or want power here on earth) or maybe they are sheep, or maybe due to the fact they fear their own mortality need something to believe in that tells them they will go on forever or things are better in the next life or they will be rewarded in heaven. But for whatever reason, to an individual of basic intelligence with the right to believe their own truth, those reasons should count for nothing and anyway, the majority is not always correct (there have been many examples of that through history of which I will not go into)

If I were to say I am like no other you have ever met, this would more than likely be quite true as no one is exactly alike; this does of course not mean I am any better or worse a person than others you have known, just different. Although I would really like to add to that statement, I am unique but then again, I guess we are all unique as we are only who we are and no one else is, (except of cause all humans do share basic fundamental characteristics that makes us all pretty much the same) so really with these few lines, I have gone nowhere near where I wanted to go and that was to herald myself and raise me high in the opinion of "Belsara".

So I am back to where I began which seems to be here and there and nowhere in particular.

Page 6

Achievements are a subject all their own, is achievement and success one in the same? Are they two sides of the same coin or can you have either one without the other or, is one without the other an empty premier?

Are there varying degrees of achievement and success? And what does this depend upon? Can or does one person’s success detract from other persons if their success reaches a higher standard? As an example, I will cite the commonly used adage 'IT IS NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE BUT HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME' but I ask you, do we in this competitive world really want second best? and was it the person that lost that came up with that saying or the person that won and with humility and intelligence realised his success should not detract from his losing competitors hard work and achievement or was the winner worried, for there may be losses of their own in the future?

These and other questions of life, love and the pursuit of something tangible will be discussed in the next edition of the imaginary fool and friends whilst discussing other subjects that may encroach on these subjects that may well err on the side of the simply stupid, inane or courageous but of course that is something to discuss at another time.

with love NIDAS

Mmmmm...

I believe I have met a potential genius? (or crazy person, 6 of 1, 1/2 doz of another, giggle) disguised as a tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, rich man, poor man, beggar, thief.

A person that has at least to some degree opened his mind and is not afraid to challenge and question the things others are led to believe in or accept.

Yes Leonidas, you are unique. You're unique because amongst other things you are so open to express, your banter may bounce about from thought to thought and subject to subject, but it’s funny and interesting - that's the 'great' part about it, well that’s what I think.

How long have you been trying to figure it all out? Have you been considering these thoughts over many years? Is it a symptom of the use of mind altering drugs during your formative years or maybe a more recent epiphany? (I'm laughing, hope you are too) Unfortunately for myself, due to the lack of using mind altering substances ( ha ha) I seldom ponder beyond my immediate world. I know I have the ability to challenge precedent and recognise obvious logic but lack the will to do it more than rarely (maybe afraid of what’s there) to allow my mind to relax long enough to look closer - go beyond the 'mushroom world' that up until a few years ago, realised I lived in and how naïve I was and probably am still.

What an interesting person you will be to spend time with Littlebear, I am really looking forward to knowing you.

Love Belsara

Page 7

Dear Belsara, I can assure you I am no genius, potential or otherwise. Rather I probably just talk and think too much (a substance abuser, me? never!).

I tend to question as I believe this is how we learn or maybe it could be an enquiring mind have I?

I may subconsciously or consciously believe that the key to all answers, including eternal life and the discovery of a God or Gods, will be found only if we question everything here there and in between.

If we stop asking questions, progress falters or ceases and we become ignorant, ignorance may be bliss but it does not lead us or future generations from the bondage of oppressing ideologies and of course stupidity.

I may believe that each question leads us to the next more pertinent question, inevitably to the correct question from which all answers are revealed (what a great theory hahahaha)... at this very moment you are either laughing , smiling or ready to call the men in white coats to come and get me.

Honestly, I ask questions because I myself, have no answers, so I guess I am searching for the knowledge and answers to my mortality before my demise.

Let me relate something I have noticed. Just by asking what "SEEMS" to be an intellectual question, gives you this aura of depth in your thought. Knowing any answers matters not, (it does work best if you are prepared with some way-out theory based in some fact and also some personal opinions, personal and esoteric being hard to dispute). So if you want to seem worldly and somewhat clever, ask some way out questions on subjects not pertaining to the normal sphere of conversation. eg science, theology, history, 19/20th century existentialism, (now that’s funny but it is true)

About my writing, I write as a way of giving others insight to some of my thoughts and to bring them into my life. I pose no real thought or question that has not been pondered or asked millions of times by millions of others. So whether I have come up with some original thought is beyond knowing and most probably not probable, yet possible (bit of a tongue twister, say it 3 times fast)

I want you to become part of my life and you already inspire my thoughts.

My dear Belsara please never underestimate yourself for I will never underestimate you.

With a growing affection and love Nidas xox

Oh Nidas, I am laughing and calling the men in white coats at the same time..

Not a genius! I take it back then for I'll not be known for passing out compliments to those who aren't deserving of it, although I do enjoy your ramblings.

Your writing is extremely clever, creative and challenging to follow so I will agree with you in part and accept your kind words....

Are the men in white coats there yet? Look forward to talking later xxx

Page 8

For you Lovely Belsara You are much more than you think and I am less than you believe me to be I am more than I know and would be less without you

Through the eyes of Leonidas. He looks upon her as his hands tenderly pass over the contour of her shape, she lay there reposed, naked and wonderful. He has this thought, that she is beautiful and everything he dreamed she would be. He closes his eyes and realises that if he did not have the gift of sight, he could still feel the softness of her skin, the radiance and warmth of her being, hear the sharp edge of her wit and imagine the complete beauty that is this woman. It is in that moment he knows he loves her. It is a spell that has been cast upon the man, there is no reasoning and no questioning to it, She enthrals him yet can torment him, amazes yet can frustrate him, raises and graces him, derides and makes a beggar of him, all that is one way, can suddenly change direction. The love is complete, for it goes full circle every day and everyday it begins and ends anew

Page 9

Being worthwhile

And Belsara asked Nidas a question which perplexed him for he knew he had no real singular answer To this day Leonidas did not accept or believe any person had known the real answer, so how could it be possible for him to know? He answered as honestly as he could, all the while not wishing to raise the ire of Belsara, for he loved her and truly wished to ease her mind.

"Dear Belsara, the man you see standing before you is what he is and nothing else, the subject of your question was born, will live and eventually grow old and die. He accepts this but will fight the decay.

Dear Belsara know in your heart he is good and loving, he is not so vain as to treat you poorly and keep you on your knees, he is not so arrogant that he wipes aside your tears and cares not for the cause of those tears.. He is strong of mind and spirit; he will always raise you above himself. You will never know disregard and you will never know the touch of his hand in anger, you will not know deceit; his love will be yours only.

Dear Belsara, am I always even? No! Unfortunately perfection eluded me when I was born.

Yes Belsara, I build walls of humour and fractured logic. These walls were laid many years ago by a lonely child that found no acceptance as himself and so created a new character and built the walls to protect the sensitive child.

I had found a way to be my own protector and many times have also accepted to protect others that needed or asked for it.

Who is Leonidas? He is all men yet he is himself

Who are we? We are everyone yet we are ourselves

Who is Belsara? Belsara is all women yet she is Belsara

We can hide the truth from others but we cannot hide it from ourselves

We can run till the end of time and the truth will follow us

Is Leonidas as you have known him, worthwhile?

Is Belsara and Leonidas a worthwhile choice? This is all that matters.

To my love Belsara from Nidas

Page 10

Hello Leonidas, what a pleasant surprise that you should greet me this way, unexpected in this forum.

My dear Nidas, you have found strength enough to recognise the walls you built many years ago. I believe that recognition is the very first step to the success of true balance of mind and spirit, it is the mightier strength when you are able to be who you were born to be, the true person within you, unlike others who must disguise their faults or imperfections through different masks and therefore fool themselves whilst they are trying to fool others.

I am confident and safe in the belief you would never harm me intentionally, neither physically or emotionally – this I fear not. My Nidas does not need to show his strength in this manner to his loved ones, he saves his strength only to protect his loved ones should it be required, this I know and it is this strength of which I respect and admire, for there is no greater man than the one in which you place your life into his hands and trust he is there to protect you when you feel threatened or catch you should you fall.

Fear not Nidas.

Love always, Belsara

Dear Belsara

Quiet, listen, is the beating of your heart all that is heard

is there an understanding betwixt you and yourself of the inner torment which questions the motives for which you make apologies , for which of course there is no apology to be made? To the zenith! rise! be forthcoming of your conviction to be as you wish , rage in fury at those that will hold you in bondage, prey they are relieved of their ignorance. Your freedom for which you are rightfully given and entitled to is yours and no others, march as you wish, in the direction you seek. Stand! Fight and resist your imprisonment

I of whom came recently to your knowledge hold no subject more sacred than that of the mother/child and the freedom of will given to us directly by the heavens at the time of our birth. Tis in arrogance and vanity and a blasphemy for any man to attempt the control and restriction of another’s talents and dreams, too many men have succeeded in doing just this and have destroyed the hopes of countless billions and made their homes, countries and their marriage a prison for which they are the gaolers and their homes, countrymen, spouses and children convicted and sentenced.

Stand! Fight against your conviction

You who are beautiful are also free, please do not vex at the possibilities for they are endless and are not known. Do not pain at the anguish for which you think centers on your decisions which may affect my heart, for my loyalty lays within the boundaries of my own opinions and my own convictions and my heart will do its own pleasing and then will find remedy.

Love is to be given freely, love is never wasted, time can be wasted but never when it comes to love for the experience is still profound and our lives are really nothing more than a continuity of experiences from our birth till our death. Seek your fulfillment, look everywhere and discard nothing except that which harms your physical being and your soul. Tread gently so that your search brings no harm to all others along your path and heaven will smile knowing you have carried empathy on your journey.

Reality is in the sphere of our minds, created, written and acted out. Quote: "Ask and you shall receive"

Liars know not themselves and will never know, nor understand your soul or fire!

Keep them at bay; hold true to your own word and let not denial of the truth blind you.

I whom gradually descend to the well from which I hope quenches my thirst do so knowingly and willingly, maybe with some hesitation but also with an optimism for which I am thankful to have been blessed. I fall in your grace, I drink only if it pleases you, and I see you with no fault and keep only myself responsible for mine own feelings and actions. As you are free, so am I and if I have found love in your presence, the responsibility is mine and mine alone. Do not apologies’ for what another brings upon themselves!

Be not in dismay by my frankness and directness, for this has been written for you to ease your mind and put you at ease. I need you to know that I understand your hesitance and want you to know I believe in the sanctity of your freedom and do not hold you, nor ever will hold you to anything you do not wish to be a part of.

Never apologies’ for chasing your dreams and being the person you are.

I wish for you all that you see and desire in your dreams and all that you want to aspire to. My hope is that you see in some way, a part of your life of which I am there in some measure and that love may grow mutually between us. I ask you, do not shut yourself off to being loved or being in love, you are deserving of your wishes and of love (whether that love is me or another) Please do not hold me in account for any previous negative experiences or people in your life, I am unlike most anyone you have ever or will ever meet. You are unlike anyone I have ever known and I do not deny my fondness and affection for you grows with every word of communication that passes between us, with every kiss and every stream of warmth that radiates from your body as I hold you in my arms and to my chest.

let us venture slowly and let the machinations unfold. What is to be will be....?

With sincerity Leonidas

Page 12

A poem…..

THE DOVE

In the tower she sleeps

the beast has imprisoned beauty in the city of angels

Alive, alive! Hope there is reprieve

Together we will save her

The beast is shameless, keeps her imprisoned, will never set her free

Nothing but our own doing knockdown the walls, lay a ladder to the siege together we will save her

Weep and know we are at the gates of our dread

What shall we command? There must be emancipation, there must be us, pray we not expire

Within the sound of the rustling leaves a call over a thousand seas here I am in the winds perfume a windswept song more precious than jewels Though never have I seen the face, an angels call has its own grace A name as no one as wind and sky A thought reflected and lost in time Light the fire and lead the way, out of the darkness away, away Catch the crispness of falling dew, cleanse us all and make us new Ever alone and all around, feel the earth’s celestial shroud and there I am within the breeze I am a memory

To my love Belsara

Page 13

Belsara speaks. “Beautiful Nidas, I wish to see my love this day, for I have a memory of you. Dear gentle “Leonidas”, open unto me your soul, act not in comedy or foolishness when entertainment is not asked nor warranted. Show me the strength of my Lion, devour my senses, hold me so I cannot breathe and I will know not the longing for love, for I will find it within your arms, fire and spirit. Why my gentle Leonidas do you dither so?” You are a pendulum rocking to and fro; each swing changes your moods. I do so love you, my beautiful Nidas and so wish to see my love this day.

Leonidas speaks: My loving “Belsara”

The wind wrought a great and mighty force of itself upon the face of the earth and as it blew in anger across the planet, it ravaged and destroyed everything it touched, nothing and no power could withstand the winds might and the wind knew this, and so the wind became arrogant, as it blew it would sing its own praise of its might and greatness and all other elements would bow and bend to its fury.

The great elements "Fire, Water and earth" decided they cast their differences aside, they came together as one and with ancient words, the great universal alchemists conjured from the depths the firebird "Phoenix" to fly beyond the darkness of space and time to the creator of all light in our galaxy "The Sun” (whose name was "RA") and ask that "RA" bring “We beckon please bring Wind under control so peace may once again reign. The elements distracted “Wind” with their planned ruse, giving the great firebird “Phoenix” enough time to streak skyward unto the void of Spaces blackness and beyond the control of “Wind”.

In a tantrum of tempestuous anger the wind unleashed of itself as never before, screaming furiously "treason, traitors, cowards, mutinous weaklings. I will destroy every atom of you till there is no more, “RA”! cannot stop or control me, rather I shall control RA, fools!

On learning of the predicament befalling the Earth and the elements due to “Wind”, “RA” and his legions of rays streaked towards the earth to once again bring peace within the realm. Upon reaching the planet the Sun gods ray’s almost blinded “Wind” and on losing direction “Wind” halted.

RA speaks

"Wind, why do you destroy when it is well within your realm to touch gently and kiss the earth with the warmth of RA?

WIND speaks:

"It is within my nature to do so, I am the wind and I now call myself tempest"

RA:

"Wind", I will command you to do my bidding, but I would rather you choose to be at peace with the other elements and restore the beautiful garden I created.

WIND:

"Nonsense I am tempest, you cannot command me"

The wind began to howl at the legions of the Sunrays but to no avail, no matter how hard the wind bellowed, the intangible beauty of the rays would not bend or move, they just laughed at the wind as they danced and created marvellous colours that bathed the earth in spectral beauty.

Belsara speaks:

Dear loving Leonidas, I realise your tale has yet reached its end, but I must tell you before I lose the thought, that I hear your words. I know you do not wish to leave and understand that either you leave now and full fill a duty, be one of the Sunrays now, or the coming tempest shall engulf us all. I sit here in wonderment and love of the beauty of your soul “Leonidas” and ask that you not change any of it, for to change one part may change another and all is one within, you are like no other and I have come to realize that you give this token to me.

Leonidas speaks:

Amaze and inspire me you do my Belsara. Each time I look at your face it is as though I have just seen it for the first time and this happens every time, I see you differently yet the same and always beautiful.

There is only you, no matter how crowded or noisy our surroundings it could all just disappear, as long as you are there, I do not notice, as long as you are there, I do not care, I think of no other as often or in the same way as I think of you.

The thought of you is always followed by a smile, you are beautiful and golden, you are silk to the touch, you are the person you say you are, you bring me joy and laughter and you are your own gift to me.

I have no fear of love, rather I embrace it, its sweetness and purity, its ability to control the beating of hearts, the fear and torment it can give and its ability to cut, injure or destroy the strongest of us. Shall I continue with my tale of “Wind?”

Belsara;

There is not the need my love to give closure to your story for it is now obvious to me the earth is here beneath us, around us and within us. I understand what needs to be done and you sacrifice for us so the Wind will not come to hold us in bondage or destroy us. When you are afraid, hurt and amongst misery remember us here at home and remind yourself with unbridled rage

"I am RA!, proud, strong and all powerful".

Page 15

A poem.....

When you find love

Take a walk and gather nonsense,

Get some dirt between your toes

Smile unto the one that greets you,

Create a joke and have it told

Be a part of what’s existing,

Crazy can be turned to gold

Reason with the one that teaches,

Find the truth within the whole

When you find love,

its like a wine you never tasted

you find love,

it's the dream that’s never wasted

you find love

Mess around making no sense,

Keep the youth inside your heart

Lay down with one that’s your love,

Watch the clouds as they roll past

Don’t think too much of the future

because the things you know may change

When you find love

its like the wine you never tasted

you find love

its the time that’s never wasted

you find love

With love to Belsara, Nidas

Page 16

As “Nidas” packs to leave Belsara weeps, her face pressed into the small of Nidas's back. She follows him about the room not letting him go, clutching firmly.

Nidas can feel the moisture of her tears through his uniform, his own sadness being hidden by his stoic expression.

Nidas whispers

Hold on my wonderful Belsara for autumn has come, summer has taken flight

Remember we are one

I'm happy to know I love you, tis joy to wake up with you in my life

Belsara responds

My love is for us and our children, prey we never part

Hope for the brightest future, together we shall run

Let us never turn to strangers

We’ll light a candle that burns in the wind

Dance together, us forever

Let’s show the world happiness with our love

Nidas adds.

Love is not to be taken for granted, this we learnt with time

When this day I leave you “Belsara”, my heart I will leave with behind.

We must hold onto this love we have as we both know how hard this love is to find.

A poem....

Prize on Merriment

Feast now for the vandal is coming our way Prize on the merriment gathered this day

All of our manpower old and the youth

Join in the quest tis the coming of truth

Raise your swords leave your homes

Loved ones will stay waiting for us

March like men on weary legs

Dressed for the battle before us

Opposing strangers will die in their youth

Warriors with old scars will die with us too

Destiny calling the fear is now gone

Valhalla awaits come be reborn

Brother, brother vacant eyes

Is there peace found when we die.

Thoughts of those that remain at home, waiting for news.

I dream of my lover and wake from my sleeping

I call his name and fear he has died, are we all widows just like our mothers? No-one to tell us till someone returns

Sweet scented flower that blossomed in springtime

Will never wither nor get old nor die, Sweet scented flower that blossomed as our love

Our love is a flower blossomed in springtime

This winter of war cannot take away

As the vandal approaches my thoughts remain with you

They may take our bodies but never our love

Raise a sword protect your homes

For the men have fallen before us

Stand steadfast on trembling legs

For the vandal is coming

Page 18

'SEARCH FOR US'

After a year and many months in the lines facing battle after battle, one of Leonidas’s closest comrades had received what is known as a “Dear John letter” and takes his own life.

Leonidas has these Thoughts.......

It’s there and it won’t go, eating away at my rest, engulfing me and slowly eroding the sanity I have been able to hold onto.

"Dear Belsara, I long for you, absence opens the way for deluded thought to present and establish a hold.

I want to ask so much and yet I know that questions and answers slowly crucify, but the thoughts are destroying me slowly day by day, I cannot bare my ignorance and cannot sustain my imagined knowledge.

I love you, my love unending.

I feel the heaviness in my chest and the anguish weighs me low, the feeling wells up inside to the point where I want to scream and rampage but tears do not flow and my rage directed at the enemy.

I imagine ridding the earth of my torment as did my comrade "Joe" and this would be a viable option but alas, I realise it not to be in anyone's best interest and anyway our enemy may take care of that sooner or later.

Leonidas sends this letter to Belsara and keeps his unhinged thoughts to himself.

Sweet dreams to you my baby

shut eyes, let your mind go

I give you all my kisses

My love is wherever you go

Awaken to the sunshine, your face a marigold

Your spirit is a fire

My love for you grows and grows and grows

Be patient with your virtue

distinctive fire within your eye's

In loneliness, find a prelude

Reach out and sort the clouds from sky.

Missing you Leo.

Page 19

Falling

The toll on the hearts and minds of the soldiers sent to war is great. The physical and emotional torment is far more than our creator made our minds and bodies to bear and at the end of it all will it be possible for the human casualties to mend, for the war takes as great a destruction on the mind as it does on bodies.. Leonidas imagines sending his thoughts to Belsara, each man has his own way of coping with the terror.

I wish these tears I shed could wash and clear my mind.

I carry sadness I cannot mend, for I do not know how?

The watchful eye of madness is ever present, it lurks and keeps imbalance

I smile and say "the earth is round, the sky is blue and the clouds are white" but death and the stench of mangled bodies which were once men is all around.

Can it be said that for someone others make remind?

Is troubled thoughts and terror ado abounding before his life is taken?

What to do, in seemingly endless horror?

Where am I? Who am I, if I am not part of you?

Hello, will you love me on my return, if I return? For I adore you?

Keep me close, away from wickedness; tell me truth?

Hammer has me sledge, affixed to despises not my own, carry me from ruin

I beg you mother I am your own.

Have you taken and caressed the wicked, kept their hint of breath?

Am I lonely in my turmoil, am I that far from you?

Can I conceive of happiness when I am falling?

After many months Leonidas receives a letter from Belsara

My darling Nidas....

I was reborn, in the sincerity of your love.

So grateful that you consider enough to care, know that if I didn’t know it, my belief in love’s pure and sweet existence would be without meaning,

I would still be running, searching, hiding, lost in despair

So much time already lost in love that had no meaning

So much time already lost in searching and giving without meaning

So much time already lost in regret, not able to shine and love with truth of feeling.

I have a chance.

Please forgive me.

Forgive that I searched in dark places, lost myself in denial and lies. And though these many years I have searched for it, I have found no escape that I was once in the capture of lies, in darkness and ashamed.

The despicable no longer resides here, my regret is that I gave any time to it at all, may have ruined us long before we had a chance.

There is nothing more to say

I am here, you are my chance, I love and need you, our children love and need you.

Don’t fall into darkness, don’t let despair lure you Don’t fall, please don’t fall, I love you and I will not let you fall Return to me and let me kiss your tears and turn them into diamonds

I am here. I love you, please come home to us.

Sending you this with all our love

Page 20

Deeper than you

I am fighting feelings, turning, twisting, changing who I have been all this time

And I won’t be denied

Who can heal my sight? For so long I have been blind

I cannot speak it, say it, know it; it has come and stolen the sunrise

I've heard it's truly beautiful, does the end seem nigh?

Waiting for a miracle to cure my ailing mind

Tell yourself the sunrise glows from fondness and with love

I am harming, failing, losing, falling, clutching to myself and life

There’s no plan, no wrong or right, just the voice inside

so deep in you, it will not be denied.

And so I recognised the remains of a worn out life

That hid behind a fear and then it brought you here

Into my tears

I questioned the love you gave, love more than I deserve

You gave love in adoration, no strings that I recall

Selfless love, come see

I accept the love you gave, accept you as you came

I only wish to be your friend, this matters most of all

My friend, my soul, my girl

Turmoil has warred inside, between the soul, ego and pride

It kept me stationary, and then I figured what was truly dear

And you are here

I accept the love you gave, accept you as you came

I only wish to be your friend, this matters most of all

My friend, my soul, my world

Page 21

Just a thought.....Correspondence.

I'm sleepless and in bliss, tired in a state of euphoria

Daily rapt in thought of you, fearful and abandoned

Steady yet dizzy

Swaying, in my calm.

To Belsara....

I fall into your eyes

I feel you in my heart

I kiss you and do not want to stop

I need you and you know

All yours with love .....Nidas

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Dearest Belsara, for our little ones....

A LULLABYE

Over in the valley after a hill there is a village where the people stay still,

no one is moving and no one seems to care, there in their valley away from everywhere

Gently close your eyes and think sweet thoughts of lullabies

Where the fairies dance, off you go to magic land

ST George fights the dragon and Thor battles wind

David is with lions, it’s in your world within

Hasten my darlings and I'll take you there, don't worry about falling, there is no cradle there

And gently close your eyes and think sweet thoughts of lullabies

Where the fairies dance, off you go to magic land.

With all my Love Papa.....

Page 23

SHIPS

Open your eyes and spread your vision farther than that which you have viewed before

Open your mouth and speak the words of which you truly feel you need to say

Speak yet do not forget to listen, listen and regard.

And with his head hung low the young lieutenant made a passionate plea

"Gods of the earth and of the seas send the currents which may steer us towards redemption for we are adrift and at your mercy."

"Lead this man, your miserable servant and his wretched crew to savannah"

"I beg you for I fear perdition is our journeys companion!"

If in the tumult of the battle had he been struck a mortal blow, the mantle of leadership would not have been thrust upon him. All this dread and woe would not have been suffered, had fate such contempt?

Parched and roasted. Sun, blue sky, oceans full of life and yet deep with death.

Caps of white faces shimmering and foreboding, undulating swell passing beneath us in a constant parade, natural and unyielding.

"Water, water, I beg please open the sky and drench us with the liquid of life."

Delirium, a seemingly inner peace comforts and sways the almost lifeless on deck

Endless horizon falling at the end of the earth.

Pray for the agony of life, though seeking the restful arms of death.

Albatross, wings spread catching the breath of God, carried away, indifferent to our plight, instinctive to its own.

A dream, I am home embraced and loved, berated and belittled, strong and frightened, a boy, "fuel his flame! Bellow the fire! Lest it be extinguished, suffocated".

Mother always a never forgotten image burnt deep, eyes closed she appears, I am home.

Awake "land ho land ho"

The cry is greeted by the ears of the living, filling the senses as does a meal to the starving

Tears are not possible although joy is overwhelming.

Page 24

Leonidas opens his eyes, the room still dark from night, why had he awakened? Tired and barely able to move, he could not believe that another night of restless and broken sleep had beset him.

Belsara

Nidas are you alright? What is this restlessness which has overcome you?

Dear Nidas, you are home, but it seems your nightmares take you back.

Please my "Nidas" tell me of your torment so that I may try and comfort you.

Nidas

Comfort me with your words; utter them through your soothing voice, steady and quiet prey tell me of "yore" and the days when chivalry and courtesy dominated the character of a true gentleman, take me away where I may drift and dream that I "Leonidas" with courage and humility, am willing to sacrifice my own mortal self for the freedoms and sanctity of the pure of heart and am loved and respected by all that cross my path. Should an unkind word spill from my lips.........

Belsara

Dear Nidas say no more, rest and believe that this character of which you speak is here and now within this person I know as my lover, friend and kindred spirit, he is good and kind and has the love of "Belsara".

Page 25

FORGIVEN

Just before I close my eyes I think of something hidden in my mind

The demons of the days gone by have come to haunt me

All the things I've said and done which I locked away from everyone

It hurts to see just who I've been and forgive me

There have been long and drawn out days; it's taken ages to see this way

and feel the person I have been and forgive me

Into the black hole I have gone to find the road that I should be on

and with my fears I've carried on, but that’s just me

I've fought with courage, have ran in fear, covered my face and hid my tears

Lied so people like what they hear

Forgive me.

Enter into my room, lay yourself bare

I will open the door and close the exit

No one will know, there is no-one to care

Your secrets kept within the walls

As I greet you, know I am despair

Look upon me as I ruin you in lust

Empty words fall from my mouth bordered with a smile

Desire has sold you, for now you are unaware

When you wake and see us you will know

Greetings, I am despair

Carry me forever; I will always hold you close

If you falter just a little, I will be your host

Tarry with me my envy cloaked, I seem sincere

When the turmoil enters into your mind

You will know

Greetings, I am always here

Alone and life goes on

You blink and new days just appear

You’re growing old and collecting years

But I never disappear

Page 26

SOLITUDE

As I saw it in your eyes, the wish you had did become mine

Peace be with you when you find the place you cannot control at times

Hell and all its guise has fooled your mind and turned you from the light

Chances are what they are, but choices make us who we are

In time I will take the road, I will find the place called solitude

This road, may it take me there to the place that I'll have peace of mind

Comfort, may it so be safe to grandiose myself and not a despot make

Freedom may it so be said, will relieve you for the desperate sake

Caution thrown way aside, leave you all alone in your private life

Wilful so a childlike state in the garden plays and continues his way

In time I will find the road, I will cry no more, I have solitude

This road, may it take me there to solitude and peace of mind

Be there a thought in my head, remain as a friend remember my name

Teach me the things that you know, the good the bad, it all helps me grow

Stay until the day that you leave; when it is the time we will know.

Leonidas speaks.

Away with you, wretched demons go!

I express deep regret and shame for my weakness, weakness I let take control of my mind and soul. The demon will no longer possess "Leonidas" he vanquishes and denies its existence now and forever, I prey to the universe for strength and mercy. Universe take Nidas, show him the character which he was when born, strong and repentant, the special gifts you bestowed on him at birth, the gifts you gave to him as a man and the special gift of his soul mate "Belsara" you sent to save him as he drowned. Lead him back to your right hand side, where he shall stand steadfast.

Belsara speaks

What is the reason for your discontent sir? Have I given or brought to you a malice which renders me abominable in your eyes? Do you yourself retain some import or distortion of a truth of the past, from personal experiences which have sullied your own confidence of which the completion to your being is insecurity, insanity and torment?

Question not the gifts god has set before you, happiness of heaven shall present itself to you in all its beauty and splendour here on earth.

Page 27

Dear "Nidas" I bring to you from heaven the gift of my being, I give to you myself. God has sent me, I bring you the love and peace you have sought all your life, do not be afraid and do not deny yourself the happiness that even heaven believes you deserve and above all, do not deny me and my love for God will not accept its return. This love is yours to keep, nurture and protect for all time and if you place this love above your own life, there will be celebration in heaven and your gift will be eternal.

Nidas. My dearest "Belsara" I give you my life.

Belsara:

Please let this be the truth, my heart cannot withstand anymore fear of slowly losing the love of my Nidas.

I cannot see my path without Nidas, I truly love you, my future is with you, I believe this. Know this my Nidas, you are whom I have always sought, wanted and wished for,

Never have and never will I love another as I love you.

You are my true love, my most loving friend and my dearest companion.

Nidas

I could not see her,

I imagined her

I could not touch her,

I could sense her,

I did not know her,

I could feel her,

She is a gift, she is bijoux, she is Belsara.

Never imagine my loving and sweetest Belsara that my love for you could ever diminish.

Page 28

Tish

I was just looking for some peace of mind

And that’s what you bought with you

You brought this calm into my life

Something that was way over due

I keep you with me in sleep at night

I want to be close to you

You switched something back on inside

You gave me back

You brought me back

You helped me find my smile I won’t forget that I love you

Keep you with me the whole day through

Your spirit burns like a fire

Wraps me in warmth and takes me high

Page 29

HEADLONG

I found independence it reached in my pocket

it took out my pencil and then stole my wallet

I asked for forgiveness and then got arrested

I searched for the spirit, he said to get tested

I'll follow the leader but never or neither

I know what I'm watching, it’s a deceiver

A vast call it headlong, a fist I the bringer

And for the patron, there’s only this question

Will you catch me if I fall?

There is nothing else to know

Will I hold you as we fall?

There is nothing else to know

My search for you endless, I knew you existed

And in adoration I found some resistance

And though I could see you sometimes I made distance

And then I discovered the reason is weakness

I'm done with confusion, it's taken my union

A panicked illusion, broken amusement

Daily cathartic, an opera, an aria

Fissure stupendous, I climb for the entrance

Will you catch me when I fall?

There is nothing else I know

I will hold you as we fall

There is nothing else to know

Page 30

Into the World

You console my heart my loving woman

Into this world Ill melt with you

And if this journey takes us somewhere

I will be happy there with you

Only this much love can bring such sadness

Into the world I melt with you

We will take all the meaningless madness

Let it all go as we make love

Decorate graves of past transgressions

Plant there flowers for me and you

Smile as the garden grows from rapture

Dance as we watch the flowers bloom

Only this much love can bring such sadness

Into the world I go with you

We dance the crazy dance of madness

Smile to the world as we make love

Our love is not for sale

A poem....

Choices

When you think that’s all you see

You’ll join all those that don’t believe

And when you see just what that is

You’ll know yourself that’s not all there

Night time changes into day

Does the darkness go away

Are the choices chances too

Are the choices made for you

Love to Belsara

Everything that is meant to be will be We are all that we believe and everything will come from this, everything that the universe wants us to have, all that we deserve See the point of view others may see and open up new sights unseen in the carriage of a dream Meander as a lazy brook through the channels made in years and realise there is much more than is imagined, seen, felt, spoken

and heard

With all my love Leonidas....