Batshit Breakup

I seriously never saw myself writing about this, even in private, let alone for all of you to read. But what if writing it makes me feel a little better about it? Let's give it a go shall we?

So back in high school, dreamy high school dating years right? WRONG. I was that chick who had straight A's, glasses, wore plaid every chance I got, oh and my relationship resume didn't even exist.

Not that I didn't want to be in a relationship, I just wasn't the chick that guys looked for. Ya'll know what I'm talking about. I don't even have to explain. I was the best friend that had two shoulders to soak, and two ears to listen, and that's about it.

Until my junior year. When I fell head over heels in love with a guy that frankly didn't even deserve my attention, let alone my love or devotion. What a sad waste of my time. Especially with his family.

So this guy right? He's totally up my alley. Sweet, caring, and nonjudgmental. (Or at least I thought.) I lived in this cloud of possibilities that he might actually like me. And guess what folks? He did. Which made me lose my mind. Not even joking. I lost my brain when I decided this was a good idea to pursue.

So we decided to become a couple. Girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, whichever. We were stuck at the hip for a while. Happy, honestly and truly happy. Well. Things got dicey. I truly and honestly can't remember what started it.

Just one day everything changed. The way he acted towards me. The way he treated me. It was different. I could tell, and it bugged the shit out of me. So, being the stubborn fixer-upper hispanic woman I am, born to flame, breathing fire, I pressed.

I pressed, and pressed, and things got worse. Here's the pathetic part. He broke up with me, over the phone. And not only did he do that, but I was laying on my bedroom floor sobing, and begging for him not to do this. But he gave up. He gave up on us, for some dumb reason.

Throughout my senior year, he humiliated me. He turned my friends against me, he talked shit about me, he body shamed me, he broke my heart AGAIN, and we weren't even in a relationship this time. Funny how that's even possible right?

I tried to be nice, I tried to see if we could be friends, but he just denied it, every time he pushed me away and humiliated me in any way he could think of. And I thought to myself, "how could anyone who claims to love me, or even just care about me, put me through this hell? Wasn't breaking up with me enough?"

No, it wasn't enough...neither was making fun of me, or talking crap about me. No, he had to push it further. Who knows why. I know I don't.

There was a gift he had given me. A tablet that took good quality pictures. He gave it to me for Christmas because I loved photography, and he didn't need it because he had another one. I was so grateful, and had no way of thanking him. So I made sure to tell him we could share it.

Well, after about 2 months of us being apart, and him growing into this festering angry wart of a kid, he text me. He text me demanding I give it back. That I give back the one thing that meant so much to me.

I could NOT believe it possible, but there it was again. Gut wrenching pain. Another broken heart as if I had more of them to spare. Another punch to my gut. Another swipe to the face. This boy was absolutley heartless.

So what did I do? I gave it back to him. I did the right thing. I gave him back all his stuff. Come prom time, I didn't even want to go. I didn't want to see anyone, I just wanted to die. I wanted to bury myself and never speak again. The pain was unimaginable.

What an ass. What a childish, selfish, pompous ass. I was starting to brew anger and resentment from all this shit he spewed into my life. And for what? I don't know because I didn't do anything.

So then came the rumors. He was gay! Oh what a surprise. People thought this was crazy, but I wasn't surprised. You can only put a person down so much before they start to have issues with everything that has to do with self esteem.

I turned him gay! Or at least that's what some of his friends told me. Boy that felt good to hear. So after that popped up, I tried to just forget everything. And two of my friends who are still my friends now, convinced me to go to prom.

I knew it wasn't a good idea. But what did I do? Cave, like usual. And so dressed like a queen (thanks to my seamstress, aka my mother) we went to dinner and then straight to the marston pavilion. Where more crappy shit in an unfortunate situation would arise and ruin everything.

So one of my so called "friends" invited him to the senior prom. He wasn't even allowed to go, unless he was invited because well, he wasn't a senior. And going to prom was a privilege. Not a right. And of course, someone thought it bright to invite him. (Fuck me, right?)

Well. I have not mentioned her. But before me, there were two other girls that my ex had gone out with, one I don't really care about, and the other I became friends with. Well at prom, as you can imagine she looked gorgeous. And my ex thought so too.

So him and his "big brain" thought it wise to ask her out. (That's funny.) Because at prom I thought why not try and fix things again. Silly old me. So here we go, heart break number five. Not to mention that most of my friends ditched me to go do whatever it is that they did at prom. So outside I stood. By myself. Crying. Hoping for everything to just end.

This went on for most of the night. Dealing with this idiotic twerp. So not only did it ruin my senior year, but he ruined my senior prom. He ruined my veiw on love and trust. He ruined my self esteem. He ruined everything I worked so hard to build in school.

So after I graduated, I moved away, started a new life, met new people. And alas, August of that very same year, came another text. But this time, one of remorse. He explained how he knew he was wrong. How much he regretted hurting me. And how much I never deserved to go through what he put me through.

Being the pushover I am, I explained that I forgave him long ago, even when he was still hurting me. I forgave him. I let it go, I ignored all the hurtful things he did. Because I had to. I had to let them go to be able to breathe again.

He was all fine and dandy after that. Like me forgiving him was standing in the way of him ever forgiving and forgetting himself. Like after that moment of my acceptance, it suddenly didn't matter, all the shit, all the pain I endured. All of it, that practically ruined who I was.

It didn't matter. And from that day he asked me to be friends. I bet ya'll can guess what I did. Pure dumbassery. That's what. After about two days of conversations that led to nowhere, I was done. And apparently so was he. Done being fake. Like this was gonna get anywhere.

So off the side of the cliff he went. Without me even asking. The trash took itself out into the oblivion of existence. I haven't heard from him since. But every once in a while, his "friend suggestion" would pop up on my Instagram or my Facebook, and I noticed he's with someone new. A girl.

Good for him. Guess the fucker is bi. I don't know. And writing this, I can admit I don't care. Because during that fake text apology, I was dating my future husband. I didn't know it yet. But I was going to be marrying my best friend.

And yes, I am still hurt. From all of that, because I know now I can admit that I didn't deserve all that shit he did to me. No one deserves that much hurt. But you know what? I'm now two years happily married to someone I love to fight with. A guy who irritates me as much as he loves me. And I wouldn't have it any other way.