Backstreet Bubble Burst

At the start of 2017, TMZ photographers approached Brian Littrell, a member of the Backstreet Boys, outside LAX. He was asked what he thought of multiple Hollywood stars “hating” on the reality star who had recently become Commander in Chief.

After sharing that Hollywood needed to “chill out,” Brian revealed that he and his group mates were actually invited to perform at the alleged millionaire’s inauguration ceremony. He claimed the opportunity didn’t work out, but “I would’ve been there if I could!”

As I watch on-the-fly interview continue, I could feel my teenage heartstrings constrict before snapping apart. Brian Thomas Littrell; once my favorite pop male vocalist of all time, was recorded in 4K declaring his support for the 45th President of the United States and telling everyone else to fall in line.

As a Black fan of his group’s music, I was offended. As a queer fan of their music, I was disgusted. And as someone who still held a great deal of happy memories regarding the group – including its two members with Latin backgrounds - I found myself asking out loud, “Dude, what the f*ck is wrong with you?!”

“These are the sights and sounds of Backstreet Mania!”

I still remember it like yesterday: Sunday, May 16, 1999.

After convincing a concerned friend’s mom that I wasn’t trying to sneak her daughter away for heterosexual teen shenanigans, the two of us hightailed it to the Manhattan Express bus.

Our destination? MTV Studios in Times Square.

Our plan? To lose our minds and scream our lungs out with a horde of fellow Backstreet Boys fans as the Orlando-based cuties taped a two-hour special, Backstreet Boys Live.

The special was crafted around the release of Millennium, the follow-up to their multiplatinum, self-titled 1997 American debut. Kim was one of the few friends who adored the boys as much as I did and didn’t care that I adored boys in general. She was the best person I could share this experience with.

By the time we arrived, every inch of every corner surrounding 1515 Broadway was packed. We crossed the main avenue to the adjacent street from the studio window. Once there, we ducked and shoved our way through a crowd of screaming teen girls to ensure we’d have a clear view of the studio windows.

Sometime around noon, the MTV logo-adorned curtains slowly began to rise inside the studio, and with it, our screams outside. Kim and I hoped we’d somehow catch just a glimpse of the “Quit Playing Games” crooners from our crowded location – specifically, our two favorite members, Nick Carter (hers) and Brian Littrell (mine).

I don’t remember if we ever saw them, but I do know we had the best time trying. When we got on the train home later that afternoon, I was still on Cloud Nine. I just knew that Kim and I would always be friends, that day would always be special, and we’d always love the Backstreet Boys.

Well, one of those things are still true: Kim and I are still great friends to this day (hey, girl!).

My BSB fanaticism, in reality, lasted around a decade. My growing attraction to the male species often saw me being attracted to different members of the group at different points. Howie Dorough with his beautiful shoulder-length hair was the first I had eyes for, and AJ McLean with his tatted body and growl-filled voice, became the last.

However, Brian Thomas Littrell – with that jawline, that shy but silly demeanor, those kind eyes, and that voice… my God, that voice – he was the one who had my affection the longest.

I remember hiding posters of him beneath my bed; out of view from Momma and my brother, until I got brave enough to hang them on my walls openly (“He’s my favorite singer,” I would say, which wasn’t a total lie). I lived for Brian’s soulful solos in every album track and would melt when that rich voice would float into my eardrums. While everyone patiently waited for Nick Carter’s solo album, I did the same for Brian (which we eventually got, but it was a Christian pop album – so, totally not my thing).

When Never Gone, their fifth studio album, dropped in 2005, my dedication to the group had mostly tapered off. It would be slightly reignited in 2015 with the announcement of a documentary, Backstreet Boys: Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of.

I still held a soft spot for Brian, but my main interest in the movie was the return of OG member Kevin Richardson. Kevin departed the group after their Never Gone tour in 2006. In 2012, he officially rejoined the Backstreet Boys for their ninth studio album, In A World Like This. Trailers for the movie implied we’d get more of his story about leaving, and I was more than ready to hear his side.

It took a while for me to actually see the documentary – about a year or so after it was officially released. My patience paid off when a friend eventually tracked down the movie online. I remember sitting at their computer, fully prepared for a warm and nostalgic journey with Brian, Kevin, the other boys, and the music that had been such a huge part of my teenage years.

By the time the film ended, something within had widely shifted.

In a particularly unnerving scene from Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of, the boys; now very much men, are seen sharing cuts from the recording sessions of In A World Like This album with several label heads from RCA Records.

Without warning or seemingly any prior instigation, Nick and Brian begin to argue over, among other things, Brian’s diminishing vocal ability. Sadly, Brian was diagnosed with vocal tension dysphonia in 2011. The condition severely affected his vocal range – the same one that had drawn me so tightly to him growing up. Nick felt that he would have to put in more work to cover up for Brian’s inability to hit certain notes.

After a quick throwaway scene of the group dancing with a ballerina troupe to “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” – obviously meant to ease the tension - the movie shifted back to the meeting, where Brian and Nick’s argument had hit a fever pitch.

The two go back and forth loudly and angrily, with both telling one another to “shut the f*ck up” repeatedly. Nick switches gears entirely and accuses Brian of bullying him since they were kids. He then demands Brian to stop being a “dick,” and says he’s been afraid to stand up for himself for nearly 20 years.

This was quite a shock for me, and I'm sure many other fans, to witness. In the teen mags from my day, Brian and Nick were often reported as being attached at the hip. We were told that they were the best of friends, proud music “brothers,” and even shared a collective nickname: Frick & Frack.

During an interview with the late Larry King in 2013, Brian shared another layer to their relationship that wasn't publicly known: When he was 18, Brian was court-appointed as a guardian for the then 13-year-old Nick. Learning this revelation would give me more insight into Nick’s prior reaction from the film (along with rumors of a falling out following Brian's marriage to Leighanne Littrell, his wife of almost 25 years).

To the world, he and Brian were best friends and group mates. But to Nick, Brian was a makeshift father figure who, by Brian's admission, was far too young to have such responsibilities. He, along with the other Backstreet Boys, often went head-to-head emotionally and physically with Nick, who at times wanted nothing more than to be a kid instead of a teen idol.

With this updated take, I could see why Nick harbored so much fear and anger toward Brian. If this was the worst thing I had learned about Brian over the years, I would probably still be singing his praises. Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

Another day I remember vividly is January 8, 2021.

On that day, almost a year after he openly praised the man who lost to President Joe Biden in 2024; Brian Littrell, one of my favorite pop vocalists ever, sent out a tweet that is still accessible to this day.

“Join me on Parler Social Media,” it reads.

Parler for the unaware, is a social media app not unlike Twitter – a platform for users to interact with the world and share their thoughts on current events and life as we know it.

It is also regarded as a platform enagaged by political figures from the far-right and their supporters, and lots of ignorant conspiracy theorists. Most of these users are, unsurprisingly, also strong supporters of the New York mogul currently on trial for allegedly giving hush money to women he allegedly had sexual relations with.

(Yes, it’s getting tougher coming up with terms and phrases for that guy. I still refuse to note him by name.)

If I had managed to hide the truth about Brian’s political views in the darkest corners of my mind before this, there was no way to ignore it now.

Brian Thomas Littrell, a performer I both looked up to and crushed on for years, a man who had covered numerous R&B tracks by artists of color and shared professional space with two POCs, had confirmed to the world that he proudly and loudly supported that man. A man who, by the way, has shown time and time again how little he cares for everything regarding my Black and queer life, and the lives of other Black, Brown, and queer people in this country.

Adding more insult to injury, Kevin, Brian's first cousin, would take to Twitter himself just weeks later to share multiple articles about “losing someone to QAn*n,” one of the kookiest conspiracy theories out there.

Neither Kevin nor Brian ever spoke on the matter directly and they seem to be on good terms now. However, I couldn’t deny what was staring at me right in the face – and still does to this day.

Brian Littrell is not someone I can support or enjoy as much as I used to, and there is not much he can do to revert this feeling.

Now I’m sure that many Backstreet Boys fans – mostly (white) women - will ignore or even mock the hurt of one person who, by most accounts, was never part of the Backstreet Boys’ target audience.

To that, I would like to remind them just how often Brian’s favorite president has targeted women's rights along with queer rights, and how the former led to the overturning of Roe v. Wade. Brian's support may be small in comparison, but it adds to the mass of conservative voices that ultimately led to women now being in more danger than they ever have been before.

Unfortunately, as the great word poet Andre 3000 once stated, “y’all don’t wanna hear me – you just wanna dance.” So, keep on rockin' your body right, I guess.

It is only in recent history that some boy-band members have acknowledged the queer fans who followed their every hip swivel and bought their music. Brian and AJ did so in a 2010 sit-down with Out magazine, which is awesome… but that doesn’t negate the person Brian has become. You can’t say you have love for all when your actions prove otherwise.

They say you should never hold your idols to the light for too long. Like most things, they will burn out. While I am no longer the kid who stood on a sidewalk in Times Square to scream-sing Backstreet Boys songs at a window, there’s a piece of him still within me… and he is hurting. As much rail on Justin Timberlake for all of the shit he's done, my disapproval of him doesn’t come close to how I feel about Brian.

And, for all that is holy and pure in this world, please do not even get me started on Nick Carter. What I will say is that as a fellow SA survivor, I am here to elevate voices and not speak over them. Read their stories for yourself and make of them what you will.

The pop stars that so many of us obsessed over and spent our parents’ hard-earned money on were molded in every way by unseen but powerful trained media professionals. With the help of these teams, pop powerhouses like the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, and Britney Spears were rarely seen with hair out of place, clothing from the previous fashion season, or experiencing any form of backlash or controversy.

Thanks to changes in our world such as the #MeToo movement and the expiration of NDAs, pop fans now see things in a different and occasionally harsher light. We often hear of the arrogance and audacity some of our favorite hitmakers had back then (and still do now), and the occasionally vile things they got away with. It forever alters how we look back at some of our warmest memories involving these figures, and that can be tough to deal with.

Lately, when my playlist streams a Backstreet Boys song, I think back to that crazy day in Times Square – trying my hardest to catch a glimpse of someone I admired from afar but clearly didn't know.

Perhaps the lesson here is that none of us on those streets knew exactly who Brian Littrell or any of the Backstreet Boys truly were. Maybe we were just fans of who their publicists wanted us to believe they were.

P.S. Kevin, if you ever read this, please don't let me down. You're my last hope.