Asherah

Her name was Asherah.

But then the reformers tore her symbols out of temples, the same temples they worshipped Adonai, YHWH. They called her his Asherah. His Goddess. She was fertility, growth, love, and life. The feminine presence of God.

Then a man seeking political power entered the scene. A King. King Josiah. He brought the Asherah pole out of the Temple of Jerusalem and burned it to the ground. And he tore down every single one of them from every regional shrine, forcing all religious and economic activity to centralize strictly in Jerusalem under his direct royal oversight.

It was a way to control the people and their food supply and wealth. All in the name of a siege on the Assyrians. God or YHWH was just as much an "idol" as Asherah was. Men—humans—decided on who should be worshiped as the "one true God" and who could not.

The more I dig deeper into the Christianity I was taught, the more it falls apart and breaks the chains I never realized held me down for so many years. And as a fellow human being, I will no longer capitalize "god" or "bible." I will no longer capitalize "he" and "him."

This is year two of my deconstruction journey.

It was always about men. It was always for men. My beliefs are constantly evolving, and I'm okay with that. Because it really is okay. And ever since I learned of this Hebrew Goddess, Asherah, that was the final nail in the coffin for me.

There are so many nails in the coffin, too.

One nail was seeing past the mistranslations of the bible and crying tears of relief when I could finally see myself loved despite my sexuality.

Another nail was when I read Brian Recker's book on hell. That was a big one. I cried more tears of relief when I no longer had to fear the idea of hell.

I have so much more peace, more freedom, and more room to breathe. I can wear whatever I want without shame, because shame was all I once knew. Goddess, I've never known a peace like this. Did you know I finally got my first tattoo a year ago? I'm planning on more.

Younger me would be appalled. She would see me now and think, "What are you doing? This is wrong."

That poor, tortured, traumatized, anxiety-ridden girl. But she still lives inside me, and she's been on this journey with me. She's no longer scared. She's free.

Now, when I think of Jesus, I see a human man who had a pure heart. A human man who was sensitive like me, with so much empathy and love to give. I see a man who had a vision of what life could be like, who tried to teach others how to love one another better.

He was a man who, probably, was killed because he loved "too much."

Christian friends and family believe I'm throwing away love and light. They believe the devil has gotten a hold of me. They believe I'm going to hell now. Jokes on them, though. I don't believe in the devil or hell anymore either. And my children are safe from their phycological harmful beliefs.

But it's all quite the opposite, isn't it? His teachings still align with what I've always believed. To love one another. That's it. Whether he was a divine being—the son of one—or not doesn't matter to me.

At the end of the day, it's all Christian mythology. It'll never rule me again.

Today, I consider myself spiritual. A free spirit. A witch of the woods. A goblin. A fairy. A Goddess.

I am bisexual, an artist, a mother, a daughter, a barista, a writer, a lover, a singer, a dreamer, a creatress, a sensitive being, a broken heart still healing.

And so much more.

I choose to believe there is a Goddess. And she is beautiful, she is kind, soft, growth, and strength. She's brave, powerful, full of love, light, life, wisdom, and opportunities. I call her Mother Nature, Asherah, Grandmother, Sister, Friend...because she has many names, just like me.

She doesn't guide me; she stands beside me. Watching as I take full control over my life, no longer questioning my inner voice I shut out for so long.

She hands me the sword; she doesn't wield it for me. She has faith in me, and therefore I have faith in myself. Because I was always capable.

All because people once told me...

"That's the devil speaking."

"Follow God's will and plan for your life."

"You can't follow your plan. Only God's."

"The heart is fickle."

"You can't trust yourself."

"Your heart will lead you astray."

When all along, I could listen to my heart, I could plan my life.
I can. I will. I am. Someday, I'm going to be a published author. Someday, I'm going to open up my own cat cafe. Someday, I'm going to travel around the world. I'm going to do so much, and I'm so excited to where I can take myself in this brief life we live.

So, I raise a glass to the rest of you, my fellow Witches, goblins, fairies, skeptics, and deconstructioners. Believe in yourself and one another. There's a power within you, and you don't need anyone's permission to use it.

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For those interested in learning more about Asherah or just deconstruction in general, I highly recommend Dan Mclelan's book "The Bible Said So" as well as his IG account. I recommend Brian Recker's IG account and his book, "Hellbent." And Monte Madar on IG. She's an incredibly smart woman I look up to and who inspires me greatly.