Arrogance is Deadly

by Brianna Valenzuela about a year ago in dating

A New Me Continued

Arrogance is Deadly

Online relationships can be a blessing or a curse; then again so can any relationship. My feud with Thomas was a confusing one. One moment he meant the world to me and the next I was questioning if I should be talking to him. The second year of our friendship wasn't much different than the first, the only difference was a guy named Kenneth.

I had met Kenneth on an online game my older brother had shown me. My brother invited me to play then introduced his group to me, Kenneth being one of the members. He was my brother's age and had a formal way about him. When my brother found out that he had been talking to me he told me to be careful with him because he was known to be hot headed. Kenneth wasn't like that with me. He was very charming and had a way about him that was alluring. In no time we were crushing on one another and started dating. I had asked my mom beforehand for her blessing, but when she said no I decided to go behind her back.

In less than a month of dating, things quickly escalated. We were ignorant teenagers that believed we were in love and wanted to get married and have kids. We'd call almost every night and text every day. It got to an intimate level quickly as well, but nonetheless I was so happy to have him in my life. At the time I wasn't talking to Thomas due to another falling out, but with Kenneth in the picture, it didn't matter. My mom soon found out about my relationship and took away my phone and any type of communication I could have.

I sank into a depression. I couldn't make my mom understand how much I loved him and how badly I wanted her to give him a chance. My communication with my mom was scarce and harsh. I became suicidal and decided to overdose on pills. I wore that white dress with the lace. I felt gorgeous. I couldn't believe that I wanted to end my life, that the girl in the mirror had a tougher life than it seemed. I almost fainted as I felt like my soul was being sucked into the mirror. I didn't know what the hell was going on but I didn't like it. Quickly, I grabbed a bottle of pills and forced down nine. I became weak and lied down on my bed. But I didn't want to die. No. I just wanted the pain to go away. I cried because I was paralyzed. My body wasn't cooperating and I felt limb. I was screaming internally for help but no one knew. It was the first of my many depersonalization experiences that I wouldn't have for the next two years.

A friend of mine would let me borrow her phone all day during school so I could text Kenneth and I'd still get on Facebook at the library after school to talk to him. My mom quickly caught on and sent me to boot camp. It was one of the most horrific things I had to go through. I didn't know how long I was going to stay in there, but I had hope was that Kenneth waiting for me. It lasted three days, at least the trip to the mountains had, but I was still required to show up for two hour lessons on Wednesdays and Saturdays. At one point the sergeants even told me that I didn't belong there because the main reason I was there was because of the sexting while every other kid was in for ditching school, doing drugs, and/or failing their classes.

When I got back home I was still pretty mad at my mom for what she had done. I felt it unfair because she never gave me the chance to see how having a relationship with Kenneth could have gone, with her approval. I knew she was trying to protect me and prevent me from getting hurt because I didn't know how he was in person and what he could be lying about. However, all I wanted was her to let me make the mistake and have her be there when it went wrong. You can't always learn from something unless you experience it for yourself.

She told me that I had to break up with him and that I had to make the call in front of her so she could know it was real. When I called and told him, he didn't care. He said that it wasn't a big deal and when I told him that I had gone to boot camp because I rebelled against my mom so I could be with him he laughed. I cried in my mom's arms.

She said that I had to delete the new Facebook I had made to contact him. When I logged on I had seen that the day I was sent to bootcamp he had messaged me saying that he wanted to talk and I wasn't going to like it. I knew. I messaged back, upset, accusing him of already planning to break up with me. He confirmed it and said he was interested in another girl and had already been with her. I deleted the account immediately and wept til I slept.

I messaged Thomas the same day, telling him the story of what happened, and once again, he was there. He supported me and said that Kenneth was an ass, saying that he hoped I didn't have to deal with him again. We were back to being friends and continued on for sometime. I was thankful to have someone like him. I didn't know anyone who'd be there for me like he was in my time of need.

Three months passed and I was going to summer school to make up for a class I had failed. I was still going to boot camp and although it was exciting it had it's perks. I'd had an intuition that Kenneth was going to come back. I had had the intuition when we were dating that we'd break up yet later get back together. I was right. The instant my phone vibrated, I knew it was him. We had talked once every month during the past three months. I was still very mad about what he had done and took out as much anger on him as I could fathom. He, of course, did the same. But it had been quiet in some time and that message ruined it all.

He apologized for what he had done and asked me to give him another chance. I wanted answers so I agreed to be friends. We talked for a week and caught up on the three months we hadn't talked. He admitted that he still had feelings for me and regretted letting me go. We gave it another chance, and if it hadn't been for that, I wouldn't be where I am now.

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