Anxiety

anx·i·e·ty

Am I too needy or maybe I’m just

Too aloof and if I’m not,

Am I texting you too much

or probably it’s not enough?

Am I sharing too much, are you sick of listening to me yet, or maybe what I have to say isn’t that important or maybe I’m sharing

Too little and you think I’m not reciprocating our friendship, but I guess

I don’t know.

Should I thank you for understanding when I have to cancel our plans at the last minute or

is it expected and

is it too much for you to reassure me

that you don’t hate me, because I hate me, so you probably do too

wait

should we hang out on Friday

that is the 16th of December

and when it’s the 15th and we don’t confirm

I won’t text you because

if you didn’t confirm

You obviously don’t want to see me and that’s fine because I don’t really want to see me either, and you don’t need to tell me that you DO want to see me when you don’t because I really don’t mind if you cancel on me, it’s okay, but

Is it too much when I ask if you want to hang out every day, yes, probably, maybe every week, okay, yeah, probably still too much, every month?

Do I text you back too quickly

Do you feel like I am obsessed with you because I’m not, but I am obsessed with trying to navigate this obviously complex feeling of friendship that I haven’t felt in years and

am I being too much, I know that sometimes I am, but

if I am you should tell me, but also don’t tell me because then I might die a little on the inside, but also do tell me because I want you to always be honest with me and

please don’t worry about my feelings because I’m still trying to figure out if I’m being too needy or if you feel like I don’t care about you and I only care about myself or if you even really want to be friends, because sometimes I think you probably don’t because when I think really hard there was that one time that you said you were busy, but did that mean you don’t like me anymore and now you’re just hanging out with me out of pity?

Do you want to get lunch

I mean, I don’t want you to feel obligated, but you did say you were hungry

So I guess that’s a yes,

But are you sure you really want to hang out

Because we don’t have to that’s fine.

I can feel the hair sweeping my eyebrow

Does it look okay or should I shave it off

Is the dog hair on my sweatshirt noticeable

Do my keys make my pocket too bulgy

And are my shoes okay to wear with blue jeans

And before you answer

Should I wear something different or

Maybe its fine.

Do I still smell like soap

Or at least like deodorant

Or can you smell my body odor

And if you can does it smell bad or does is it just how I smell, do I have a smell beyond what deodorant I wear? Does my breath stink or are my blackheads on my nose super noticeable

And should I cancel our plans because maybe you didn’t want to hang out and maybe you didn’t want to tell me because you were afraid of hurting my feelings and I don’t want you to be afraid of hurting my feelings because I just need to know.

Am I being too fucking needy?