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Another Way to Be

A Memoir of a Moment in Time

By Anna BoisvertPublished about a month ago 4 min read
Top Story - August 2023
Another Way to Be
Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

I asked myself for the millionth time in the last three weeks what in the world is next.

Everything I knew my life to be had changed. Again. And once again I found myself on the precipice of great change. Whether that change would be desired or a disaster is yet unknown as I write this.

In the weeks that have passed, I have learned, or relearned to be honest, how much I dislike waiting. Having something completely out of my control with no way to speed things up, yet at the same time, not yet willing to give up the time I had on my own, with nothing to do but be, has been a challenge to be sure.

To go over the chain of events that got me to this place would be pointless. Telling a story that is over is of no benefit. Venting serves no purpose. And truly, the events themselves are not even significant.

It is almost five years to the day when I uprooted my life and created a whole new one for myself. Then, on an impulse that was more of a knowing, I chose, and acted. I had no idea what would come, what I would be doing or how. There was no net.

Or so I thought. In actuality, I had a couple of nets. This time though? There are none. Things have changed so much since then at times I look around and wonder who's life I am living. I don't really recognize it at all. Not neccesarily in a bad way, more in a what can I choose from here way.

As I sit here at my computer, tears in my eyes, I admonish myself for not sitting at it sooner, as the sound of the clicking keys, the action of typing, brings so much joy. Then perhaps I would not have spent many days drinking wine and binge watching series I have already seen.

My curtains have been closed to keep the heat out and the apartment cool, which has not done wonders for my mood. I make myself get out everyday. At least I did up until a few days ago, when the waiting wore me down, and I lay curled up in a ball on my bed for most of the day.

At times I would pick up my phone to look for any kind of human connection, finding none. Or I would play games until my eyes were weary and my neck and shoulder were tired from holding it. It doesn't replace interaction.

I am not a depressed person, yet the thought of all the upcoming change had left me paralyzed, overwhelmed, frustrated. There was a knot in my stomach as well. The knot was reminding me I had choices to make eventually, maybe choices that were not the choices I would like to choose from. It's as if I am at a buffet restaurant, looking for the foods I enjoy and finding only sustenance, not enjoyment. The thought of it kept me awake at night.

As I ask the same questions over and over, not for an answer, but to open up possibilities, I find myself opening up as well. What changes can I make to start creating the like I would like to live? MY life. One that I choose, not the lessar of two evils, a choice that excites me, that works for me.

I had someone tell me they were disappointed in how I showed up. I knew that I have grown when I didn't care. It is not my job to gain others' approval or validation. What IS my job is that when I look at my choices, I am satisfied. What is important is to do the best for ME. Truth be told, I was disappointed as well, without judgement or significance, with a vow to myself to be better. I know I am not being me, be-ing me, when I am not choosing greater.

I am grateful for him, for his disappointment. It has spurred me into action. I am no longer willing to be disappointed in myself. So as I sit here, the tears dry, I am closer to me than I have been and it is good.

This moment in my life, this moment in time, will pass for sure. It is up to me how I come out of it.


About the Creator

Anna Boisvert

Musings and imaginings from the brain of a fifty something year old Gemini who sold everything and moved to Los Angeles in 2018.

I am no professional, I write because it brings me joy, release, and peace.

Reader insights

Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  3. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

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Comments (16)

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  • Anna Boisvert (Author)7 days ago

    Thank you all for your kind comments!!

  • Michael Tobiko10 days ago

    Great work

  • michel mackay23 days ago


  • Klu emmanulabout a month ago

    Master class

  • Judey Kalchik about a month ago

    Someone plagiarized your stop story ( and it has been reported to Vocal

  • sakin wuda mohammedabout a month ago

    nice one keep on

  • Naveedkk about a month ago

    Congratulations on top story

  • kamika eleanorabout a month ago

    This was a great read. Very well written. Congratulations on top story!

  • Babs Iversonabout a month ago

    Raw ans authentic!!! Fabulously written!!! Congratulations on Top Story too!!!💕♥️♥️

  • Thank u for this 💕 i relate deeply.

  • emaabout a month ago

    This is so deep and sad and at the same time motivating for me. Starting over is something I know and that scares me. Best wishes ❤

  • BossFactorabout a month ago

    Really deep story . Well done to you You could help check this out thanks.

  • Melissa Ingoldsbyabout a month ago

    This part spoke to me deeply; I am grateful for him, for his disappointment. It has spurred me into action. I am no longer willing to be disappointed in myself. So as I sit here, the tears dry, I am closer to me than I have been and it is good. Very poignant and thoughtful piece

  • Gerald Holmesabout a month ago

    This is beautiful and courageous writing. Well done. Congrats on the Top Story.

  • This is Relatedness❤️📓🖊️

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