Another Person’s Love Is Unstable

I sincerely believed that love is what we get from other people, especially and extraordinary. They fall in love with us and bring happiness. Every day and all my life. How else? Therefore, I explained my previous failed novels only by meeting the wrong people. That is, those who could not or did not want to "bring me happiness."

My position is not unique. Most of us believe that the main thing is to always look for the perfect partner. Not surprisingly, in this regard, we focus on those qualities that he or she must possess to fill our lives with happiness and joy.

In the meantime, very few of us spend time studying and understanding ourselves. But that alone provides the key to understanding what can make us truly happy and how the other person can help us.

We are obsessively looking for our love as if an outsider should come to life and make all our dreams and expectations come true. And the list of our "requirements" is quite impressive. It is a real assortment of our unconscious impulses, childhood dreams, commercials, and photos from love movies.

The most annoying thing is that when we finally find such a welcome relationship with an "ideal" partner who can accomplish everything we have drawn in our head, most of the items on our list become completely irrelevant.

Immersion in the reality of everyday life is overwhelming, and for years we have been surprised by ourselves, trying to understand what led us to choose this person as a partner "for life".

We all seek and strive for this - the euphoria of love. When we are overwhelmed by this magical feeling of fearlessness, security, omnipotence, and hope. And so we enter into a relationship with the person and call him… responsible for what we feel. Sounds absurd, doesn't it? However, this is exactly what most people do every day and every year.

The most important thing that many do not understand: when we fall in love, then no one brings us anything on a silver platter. We don't automatically receive the full range of magical feelings and sensations we've been dreaming of for years.

What is certain is that this feeling of euphoria, frightening, and blessing, which we want so much, is our energy, which is directly connected to the internal psycho-emotional processes.

Another person in this case acts as a catalyst for this process, which for some time brings a sense of fullness of life and satisfaction, but the main violin is yourself. And you're responsible for everything you feel (or don't feel), just you and no one else.

If you do not have joy and harmony inside, no one can help you. Thus, sometimes the sun will look with rare rays, and the rest of the day - only rain and hope.

We mislead another person's behavior and actions with our emotional well-being and self-respect so strong that we strongly believe that the purpose of life and its purpose on earth is to make us happy exclusively.

And as soon as he is distracted by something else (you have to admit that this is natural), we immediately decide that something has happened, we stop loving and neglecting. And now - a new round of "despair and sorrow". That is, it becomes so painful for us that we perceive that we are "distracting" our partner as proof that we are not worthy, that we are not good enough, and so on.

This is a very wrong conclusion. We only need to understand that another person's behavior is a reflection of his or her internal process, of continuous change, and evolution. But since we take it too personally, we immediately take everything at our own expense and begin to suffer. Imagination attracts that they no longer love us (or they didn't love us initially, we just pretended), we are careless, ignored, negotiated because…

Not only do we expect love to be delivered to us by another person, but we want it to be delivered in a certain way, in the "language of love" that we have invented for ourselves. And when the partner behaves according to the pattern we created, that is, he utters the expected words, performs the expected actions, and even under our favorite song, then we are in the seventh heaven. But every detail, even the smallest, that does not fit into these teenage dreams, is immediately disappointing.

While we rely on other lovers, it is very unstable. We become hostages of fate, because people, and this is no secret, are quite unpredictable: they fall in love with someone else, they change, they lie, they grow old, they die.

We expect "forever" from a promise made to each other many years ago when we were completely different people. Therefore, we associate stability with the stamp of the passport on marriage, completely ignoring the reality in which everything is constantly changing and nothing remains the same.

This is why the only way to get and hold the amazing euphoria and energy of love is to learn how to accessorize it without relying on anyone or anything from the outside. And for that, we need to know ourselves. Understand what brings us joy, what interests us, what ignites passion. And most importantly - be open to all this. No one will do this for you.

Very few of us know what we want, what we love, what we strive for. Most fly through autopilot life, under the influence of unconscious motives and stereotypes in society. However, we expect another person to come and bring magic and charm to life. If he fails, then he is "wrong." Thus, we try to convey to others what we are responsible for only ourselves - our lives and our happiness.

The real purpose of a relationship is to find out who we are. We build them for growth and development, support and inspiration, and not at all for someone to make us happy and content.

Love and relationships should help us become better versions of ourselves. And this requires work for you and growth, which is often - quite inconvenient.

Growth is possible when we learn to communicate honestly and non-violently because we have created a safe space in a partnership where we can speak the truth openly.

We feel confident when we boldly say that we are thinking, without worrying that our partner will accuse us of something or change the responsibility for our emotional reactions to our words. These relationships are truly harmonious and happy. Because they are not based on the fact that we are obliged to make everyone happy or to satisfy all needs, but on a deep emotional connection, understanding, gratitude, compassion, and inspiration. This is called a conscious relationship.