An Open Letter to You.

I just ruined another relationship because of my lovely condition you would always refer to as "crazy". What I want to know is was I really crazy thinking you were cheating? It didn't seem like it when I caught you. But what's even worse is the fact that I punished another man for your sins when he would never do what you did. I set at home wondering what he's doing when he's with his friends. I wonder every second of everyday if I'm good enough for him and if I'm being cheated on. You did that to me. You want to talk about being crazy... you made me that way. But, this isn't a rant about the wrong you did, it's an open letter to you about how I'm growing stronger everyday with this.

I met someone. I opened my heart and I began to love him. With the feelings came the "crazy". I was wondering all the time what was wrong with me for him not to talk to me every second of the day. I wondered if I was attractive enough because he wasn't affectionate after a long day. Truth be told I second guessed my worth every second of every day the minute that things were past the cupcake stage. That man cared a lot about me and I pushed him away with my irrational thoughts and actions. Eventually he found himself wanting to be away from me, and I don't blame him.

But I'm setting here analyzing myself learning more and more about the small steps I've actually made to become a better me. I haven't blown his phone up begging for his attention and I haven't sat and thought about every scenario of what could have been. He asked to be friends and I allowed myself to not burn a bridge today. That 's progress. Deep down I thought this one might have been the one and deep down I still think he is. But, I'm glad he and I took a step back to do our own thing, because I am no where near where I need to be, mentally, to be with him or anyone else.

You made me "crazy", but I'm making me okay again. So thank you for making me love myself again and learn to be with myself again. I hope you're doing well and thanks for the mental instability, it's making me a stronger person.

"I had to hate you to love me".... - Selena Gomez

Truly,

Kayla <3