All work and no play made Robbie a dull, inefficient, and unsociable man

The plaque "Miles to go before I sleep" arrogantly stares at me, hanging from the cyber yellow colored wall right in front of my office desk. I, however, barely get the chance to look at it as I remain submerged in a pile of files and a computer screen. Poetry and my current lifestyle do not go hand in hand. But poetry used to be a huge part of my student life. When I joined the company as an intern, after graduation, I fell in love with the Robert Frost poem "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening". It was probably the last poem I read seven years ago. 

In the poem, the poet stops by some woods on a snowy evening. He is enchanted by the environment and is tempted to stay longer, but acknowledges the drag of obligations and the considerable distance that is yet to be traveled. He does not have the time to rest for the night and to get mesmerized by the lovely scene. The poem's final two lines stake a claim to being the most famous example of repetition in English poetry: "And miles to go before I sleep," while remaining true to the rest of the poem's literality.

The poem is particularly impressive due to its formal skill, written in perfect iambic tetrameter and making use of a tight-knit progression distinctive to a form called the Rubaiyat stanza. The theme, form,  content, shape, structure, and meaning are all intricately amalgamated.  Just as I want my work to be perfect.

I am christened workaholic. Working sixteen hours a day is my shtick. I am used to receiving admiration from people around me. My boss looks at me with adulation. I feel like I can never have enough of it. Working surprisingly gives me a sense of satisfaction. I take up many projects and love to breathe down the necks of the targets. Work squats on my existence. I sleep less than six hours a day and do not discriminate between Saturday, Sunday, and the weekdays. Like all workaholics, I  tend to be of a perfectionist nature and am often unwilling to delegate work to others.

As for the only entertainment in my life, I play the radio in my car. Surprisingly my favorite song is Justin Bieber's  Let me love you. However, my favorite stanza is not the first one on which the millennials are crazy.

"Don't you give up, nah-nah-nah

I won't give up, nah-nah-nah

Let me love you

Let me love you

Don't you give up, nah-nah-nah

I won't give up, nah-nah-nah

Let me love you

Let me love you

Oh, baby, baby"

Instead, the next stanza goes with my mindset.

"Don't fall asleep

At the wheel, we've got a million miles ahead of us

Miles ahead of us

All that we need

Is a rude awakening to know we're good enough

Know we're good enough"

Working is my favorite hobby and the thought of vacating never crosses my mind. 

While Covid-19 impacted the world negatively, it worked in my favor. The mostly work-from-home gave me more time to work by saving transportation time. I gained additional time as the burdensome practice of exchange of customary greetings and small talks in the office got abolished in this work-from-home scenario.  I preferred to do everything on my own, so interacting with my juniors and peers did not have much relevance. Much as I was enjoying the changed situation, I failed to realize the harm it caused me. I originally thought it to be a blessing in disguise. But it was indeed a misfortune. It took a toll both on my mental and physical health.

The term workaholism was coined years ago because of the likeness in the patterns between an alcoholic and a workaholic. The most similar feature is the persistence of behavior, despite understanding the physically or psychologically effects.  There is surfacing evidence of the negative consequences of workaholism. Research has suggested that workaholics report higher levels of stress and are subject to more health-related problems than nonworkaholics. My family life is tattered, my intellectual horizons got narrowed and the impact on my health are severe: weight gain, lack of exercise, and stress. Social life is disrupted the most. I am indifferent and have great intolerance for the personal lives of my co-workers. On the rarest occasions when we exchange pleasantries, I do not pay attention to their replies.  I never show any personal interest in my co-workers except if it's something related to my needs or demands. I consider everybody else lazy, always looking for ways to evade work. I appraise every sick leave taker as indolent.

 " Get married Robbie!, I wanna play with grandkids" Every time I spoke with my mom, she used to have the same rhetoric. I lost my mother one and a half years ago. I could not fulfill her wish. 

I noticed a paradigm shift in my friend's tone from praise in the initial years to taunts in the last couple of years. From "Robbie is so serious." "He is always working." it came down to "We do not have any work. Only Robbie has work. He is the only one to go to the office. He is the only one doing service to this motherland. We should be grateful to him", after I missed almost all reunions/get-togethers. 

I used to fear that work can not get done without me, others would mess up the work and so I refrained from assigning work to others. This attitude backfired. This slowed progress and reduced efficiency in many projects. My supervisor was not happy with my performance anymore. I had won the best employee of the year award three times the last one being in February 2019 for the year 2018. After that point, my performance started declining. 

In general, there are two types of hard workers, enthusiastic and non-enthusiastic. Both types are defined as individuals who are overworked. The difference, however, is that enthusiastic hard-workers actually enjoy a high level of personal enjoyment and satisfaction from their work. In contrast, enthusiastic hard workers do not get the same satisfaction from their efforts. I used to be an enthusiastic workaholic and gradually turned into the unenthusiastic kind. Now, I am dragging myself.

There was a metamorphosis in my thinking process during the last few months. Now, I have become congenial towards my co-workers. I often wonder how did I become so apathetic? I was not like this in my childhood. I was brought up well. My family imparted a high standard of virtue in me. I used to be so affable and amiable. I do not know how and when those marvelous traits disappeared. Maybe the rat race and the corporate politics led to the erosion of virtues in me. I suspect some kind of low self-esteem, led to working nonstop as a way of compensating for it. Now I am sociable, sympathetic, and convivial.  The picture below was taken in late 2021 by my colleague and circulated on Slack (proprietary business communication platform). I am seen reading poetry in the lobby. 

My office cabin suffocates me now. I now play music when I work. I do not work more than eight hours and take up only a few projects. I took a break during Christmas, 2021. I probably celebrated Christmas after seven years. I and my father were kind of aloof and never interacted much previously. Now, I make it a point to talk to my father thrice a week, talk to at least a friend each week, read a poem before going to bed. I have been reading a lot of William Blake, George Gordon, William Wordsworth, and Samuel Taylor Coleridge. I enthusiastically bought a piano but now I realize it might not be a good idea to start piano at this age. Instead writing stories for Vocal Media is more soothing. I plan to submit at least one story every month to this website.   I had framed the three "Employee of the year" certificates and hung them on the drawing-room wall of my home earlier. I replaced them with pictures of my childhood, family, friends, and colleagues.

I had the reputation of being 'strict', 'fastidious' with my peers and juniors and now I do not consider those terms to be compliments.  I had the impression that to be lulled to sleep is menacing, akin to giving up the struggle of prudence, self-preservation, forgetting responsibilities, succumbing to a mood. Oh! I was so wrong. I am reminded of my mom a lot. I remember when I used to be sick in my early teen she used to sing lullabies to soothe me and help me get better sleep. I have forgotten most of the lullabies- I fill the gaps with made up words. After years of bad practice, I have trouble sleeping. I found a working solution though. I play those lullabies from the internet. I wish I had recordings by my mother! In November 2021, I met someone through a dating app and I think she is the one. Fingers crossed. 

My interpretation of Robert Frost's poem has changed. "I can go miles when I sleep" - travel to dreamlands. Time is limited, no doubt, I am missing on many other things like family, friends, good sleep, vacation, travel, social life. I remember the childhood saying "all work and no play..." Indeed all work and no play made Robbie a dull, inefficient, and unsociable man. Penny has dropped. Better late than never. Robbie is now on the right track.