After the fire is gone

Love is where you find it is how this song starts out. They follow up with after the fire is gone. Conway and Loretta were one of the best duets in country music during the 1970's. No one can tell a story like they can. But what is it that they are doing in this song? One answer, cheating. But what causes one spouse to step out on the other one? What is the reason for so many divorces? There are many but infidelity is one of them.

My wife and I have been married for almost thirty-seven years. We no longer live together, haven't since 2005. We are more like friends than husband and wife. She also knows that I am gay and accepts that. She doesn't understand why I would marry when I am gay but it is neither here nor there. She didn't like reading in my memoir that I was unfaithful in our relationship. But why would I do that when I said to love honor and obey?

My wife is nearly thirteen years older than I am and that plays a part in my infidelity. For ten years my wife would never have sex with me. After our daughter was born I asked when were we going to have sex again. She responded with you have already had your sex, you have two children. That really irritated some of my family members and friends of the family. One of my boyfriends while I was married was her co-worker. He was a good and decent man, our relationship lasted five years. He moved back to California after him and his wife broke up. He was cheating on her, but wasn't hiding it from her. But why do gay men get married in the first place? Pressure from family. I have a friend in Tokyo who has an eleven year old nephew, who happens to be gay. I feel sorry for the boy, because he told me that he had to get married and provide his parents with grandchildren. I asked what about your happiness, he said in Japan, parents happiness comes over the child's happiness.

Why do married people cheat and it is not just in the heterosexual community either. Gay couples cheat on each other as well. There are numerous reasons people cheat both individually and as a couple. Some of the reasons mentioned is addiction, attachment style and childhood trauma. The childhood trauma was interesting to me, but I am beginning to see that I had no business getting married, instead I should have dealt with the trauma I suffered as a child. Then found a boyfriend to where everyone would have been happy. It also lists mental illness, along with psychological issues as another reason for infidelity.

They list the primary reasons as unhappiness, lack of appreciation, boredom and lack of commitment. So why wouldn't you discuss your unhappiness with your spouse? Sometimes the relationship has become so strained that even discussing unhappiness leads to fighting. My uncles told me when my parents were discussing divorce with them, that they were still holding hands and kissing one another. Doesn't sound like divorce material to me, but they did because the flip side to that were the fights in which they were throwing dishes and knives at one another.

Let's remember when you do decide to end the marriage, your offspring is going to suffer either way. Their world has been shattered and they don't understand why mommy and daddy no longer live together. It is also not fair to put them in the middle of the mess, in other words leave them out of it and build up any interactions with the other parent as positive.

What are you to do as a couple when you've reached this point in your relationship? https://youtu.be/tCFk52lOz0Y