A story of memories

It’s dark and I can’t feel anything, I can’t see anything. Then boom everything has is happening. it’s happening so fast; it seems everything is being fast forward like something out of a movie. I remember small things but not many. I still do not know anything, I do not know where, or who I am or what I am even do here. Time goes on fast and I start to feel things. I physically and emotionally. I feel my mother pick me up and she gives me a hug, I feel love. She carry’s me around in her arms and she sings to me. She sings to help me sleep. I start to remember traveling to places. I remember walking on a beach and in the distance, I see a big giant scary lizard, I walk towards it. Filled curiosity, I want see what it was, but before I got any closer, I get picked up by a woman. Later I see the big light set on the ocean waters. It was beautiful and the colors of pink, orange and purple cover the skies. My first memories

Time passes as quick as sun rises and sets. I’m in school learning new things every day, of every week, of every month of every year I learn. Every time I finish school I would run to the park, where both my grandmother and my mother ware waiting for me. I all ways use to sneak up on every one and scare them, and give them a hug. I loved my nan and mom so much, and it is they who forged the person I am today. But day my life would take another turn in another direction. I remember being taken away from my grandmother’s house. I sat in a car and watched my mom and nan argue with some worker. My mom crying and enraged at that person. She walks to me, tells me that will always love me no matter where I go or how far I am she will always love me. I gave her one final hug before leaving. We drive of off and I look behind waving to my mom. Later on, I was dropped off to some family’s house. At first, they seemed nice, warm and welcoming, but when the person who dropped me off left, then they changed from nice to horrible. They tell me they don’t give a damn about me, that I’m just there because I was not wanted anywhere else. I lived with for about a year and within that year changed me in so many ways. I was treated badly, I was beaten up by the parents, whipped in back several times by a hose or a belt just for not doing what they told me to do. After a while I had finally had enough and the next time, they tried to harm me, I quickly got one of their sons in head lock threatened them that I would snap his neck. I did not like any of them, the parents or the children. I would get trouble from the kids blaming me for things I didn’t do. But back to what I was doing. I threatened them. Then after I ran away as fast as I could. I spent a night in the bush and the next day one of the workers came to pick me up and take me away from that horrible family. What came next was just as terrible.

After that I thought I would go back mom and the others, instead I was put to another place that was worse then the last. I was in an aboriginal community; it was dirty and rough as the wild side. I did not live there, I had to survive that place. I would always get into bloody fights with the other kids, most of them attacked me as group, instead facing me one on one. But I stand my ground and showed my strength against them, all of them. I hated fighting and I had not experience or knowledge on how to fight, but after a while of fighting the other kids over and over it became normal to me. I started to take on the philosophy of “if I wanted something for myself then I would have to fight for it”. So, if wanted food or a drink I would have to fight for it. When I was in this community I was never fed properly, for I was given the scraps of food and older people would eat first and the children like me would last. I sometimes went on without food for days and sometimes a full week. Other kids that lived in the area were living the same nightmare as I was living. We were all starving. I was at the point where I would steel food from the other houses and the small shop the community had. I had eaten anything that was edible, anything that I can eat. And when I was bored, I would go play basketball or play footy on the dirt against the other kids, but the thing that I loved doing most, was the one thing I hated doing, fighting. It gave a rush unlike anything before, and it gave a chance to release my anger onto others I disliked. The blood, the rush of adrenaline, my knuckles bruised and my left eye bruised up as well. I had struggle to survive one day to another in this community. And I remember I going to be turning 6 years old and I had wished to be taken away from this place, to be with mom and nan again. At that night I made a wish, one of the kids ask me to come to a fire place to hang out. For that night was a Friday night, a night where everyone in the community gets drunk, so the other kids and I left the house and went to the fire place to get through the night. One of the kids told me” Brother none of them people back there, care about any of us, they don’t. We nothing to them. But you know what brothers, we got each other, we look out for one another”. Though all I have been through and seen have to most of the other kids, they still try to have hope. And so, did I. We spent the night looking into the stars and relaxing near the fire, that night was only time I felt freedom from the harsh reality. And at the fire place we had three beds pulled out of the house and even one lounge around the fire place most of the kids of the community were there. We had blankets to keep ourselves warm. As the night moved along so did the moon. Full of light and beauty, made us feel more comfortable in the night. Later on, before everyone was going to, I sang the song that my mother had sung to me. And this song was from an old cartoon movie called “Dumbo”

“Baby mine don’t you cry. Baby of mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart. Never to part baby of mine. Little one when you play, don’t you mind what they say. Let those eyes sparkle and shine. Never a tear, baby of mine.

From your head to your toes baby of mine. You’re so sweat, goodness knows baby of mine. You’re so precious to me. Cut as can be, baby of mine, baby mine”

With that song sung, everyone fell asleep. And I drifted off to a place where the nightmares of reality could not reach me, the sweetness of a dream.