A Reckoning.

Beloved,

You have known suffering. You have touched it and been touched by it in a way so unique and yet, so universal. Coming out wasn't as important as coming into the knowledge of your multiplicitous, multi-passionate self. You, too, contain multitudes —many of which have yet to solidify. You can continue to try to live within the borders of what joy looks like for you while also realizing yourself as a limitless being. You are a country without borders. No passport is required.

May you keep remembering even when you long to forget who you are at your core. This cannot be packaged neatly with words and phrases. You are not an idea. You are more fact than fiction. There are no synonyms for a self yet becoming, so keep becoming. Everything is always shifting and shaping. Yes, even your idea of self.

You grew up hearing things about yourself. Things you intuitively knew were not true, but since they were coming out adult mouths, you thought their weight was real. Being the sensitive, spiritual being you were, you cried a lot. The water was easily troubled in your heart. Words hurt more because of it, and even the belt had less power. You listened, but you didn't hear. You didn't understand.

"Too feminine"

"Too emotional"

"Too much"

You were loved, but conditioned to believe your natural way of being needed to be molded to fit the appearance of manhood. Toughness did not show up overnight. It was groomed, teased out, built essentially on your broken down back. This was fear masquerading as love. This was preparation for a world in black and white. No room for gray, and definitely no room for gay.

To yield to one's self. To rest in the softness of the unknown. To be open and curious. Seeking not just to know, but to understand. This is my wish for you. Experience is the best teacher, but only if you're present. Right here, right now. Experience is the best teacher and you can use what you learn to grow and unlearn what you need to in order to move forward.

Your greatest fear is you will not find romantic love in partnership. Your greatest truth is that you are that love. You cannot be defined by external things. Your liberation and greatest discovery of self takes root there. Formidable. Unrelenting. Unearthed and expressed. You, dear one, are the reckoning and the revelation.

Now this is love. A love cultivated by you. Tilled. Planted. Watered. Nurtured. Harvested by you and you alone. This is your work. A love affirmed through the healing of your trauma and the grand acceptance of your true worth. A love refusing to be clouded by shame. A love standing in the sunshine in all its brilliance and unabashed beauty.

You are worthy of a love like this.

May you remember and keep remembering what it feels like to find freedom in every waking moment of your life. May your joy become your default setting, no matter what is happening in your world. May you know your strength and let your vulnerability keep you open. May you be an example of what expansiveness looks like in a world where constriction is the norm. You do not need permission to exist fully. Love has set you free and now you can do the same.

Healing from the pain of the past, you fashion for yourself a new world and a new vision of what is possible for your life. This healing informs your creativity and everything you will contribute to the world can now be unleashed.

You are loved. You are love. You are loved. You are love. You are loved. You are love. An incantation and an invitation.

Jehrod Rose-Alain is a writer based in Jackson, MS. To support him and his work, please consider donating to his coffee fund.