A Rebel Better Than A Curfew

It took me 18 years to gain my freedom as an adult, and being an adult taught me not to let anyone take that. There's an age for a curfew, and then we get older and we hold the pen for our lives. We can't let anyone else control the notebook of our lives for their own standards. Adults earn the freedom to decide when they will be home, and when they won't. Why let alone try and tell us differently? I learned this lesson in a complicated way when I broke myself free from a less than ideal situation. I began feeling closer to my real self once again in ways that I hadn't for quite a while.

I took an opportunity without realizing the consequences that it would have on my physical and mental health, and my rights. It was more than being wild, it was more than being someone who likes being outside past 8 PM. I earned the right to do something and learned not to let anyone try taking that away from me. Being a nanny sounded like a great idea, but turned out to be a bittersweet nightmare all in all. One that I told myself I was undoubtedly getting out of quickly, and I did so gratefully. After wanting to be a nanny for many years in my life this experience sadly changed my mind.

When people started telling me that I was being controlled I realized I was right and that the situation I was in was wrong. Being naïve and new to it I came to understand why I was in more ways than not unhappy with my circumstance. I had been told I was being taken advantage of, controlled and mistreated, by selfish people and I didn't even realize it. That is when I came to the decision I would remove myself from the situation instead of just tossing the idea around back and forth. The reality I learned is some people from different cultures care too much about themselves and are still learning to adapt to cultural norms.

I started feeling isolated not being able to go outside of the house that I was a live-in nanny at after 8 PM. Getting yelled at for washing laundry on the weekend, and simply being treated incorrectly. Every day I would try my best but would constantly feel like I was walking on eggshells, and for what? I wasn't even being properly compensated for my time, let alone the time that was being taken away from me to live freely. It was confusing being that I am an adult, and that even when I was younger with strict parents I could be out past 8 PM. Even if it just meant outside, and on rare occasion stay with friends.

The more I realized what kind of people I was working for the more I got troubled. Sometimes I would get practically yelled at for doing nothing wrong, and it wasn't worth anymore of my time. I wasn't doing anything wrong, but would most often wonder.. What am I going to be complained to about next? A million questions would come to my mind being that it was my first time I was a live-in nanny. How could someone try and tell a 26 year old that they can't see a drive in movie at 10:30 on a weekend when my time was mine? How could anyone try telling me that washing my laundry on the weekends after washing their families laundry all week was "invasive"?

When I finally stood up for myself instead of coming to a compromise that could have been truly fair for me I was being compared. Collations were being made about Au Pairs and I, which do a lot less than what I was doing. I was being compared to an immigrant from a different country by an immigrant from a different country in a different country. This wasn't comforting because it was my rights being infringed upon. Everywhere is different, and it is normal in this country to be out past 8 p.m. Never mind the fact that I was raised grateful and gratitude was blinding me from my reality. It was exhausting and the tension that the passive aggression caused with it wasn't helping. So I tried politely putting in my two weeks and went on.

For weeks I wished I could quicken the process. Then the day finally came where my wish came true. I was told things might not go well around a specific time frame, and I didn't want to stick around for that. Just the thought gave me more anxiety. On occasion I would get worried that something bad was going to happen. I started wondering what happened with their handful of other nannies that they had. No matter what the reasoning is controlling a full grown adult isn't normal or acceptable behavior.

Regardless of what their story was, if any, nothing was worth my simple freedoms. Life is too short to not be able of enjoying such simple harmless pleasures like talking walks at night pass sunset. The last couple of months since I got out from that situation I've found so much gratitude in simple things as an adult that I had being stripped away from me. What I really wanted was to leave one weekend with all of my belongings I had mostly finished packing since I had established I was leaving, but I didn't. As long as I lived there I would follow their curfews which was originally stated as quiet time and not be compensated for my time in doing so.

Then on a Friday night I tried concealing the fact that I left again after my strictly enforced curfew by moving a camera. Although they were for the purpose of safety for the children and home they felt invasive for me. I wanted to be out later and as an adult I had that right even though they treated me like I didn't. Everyone was home, and the kids were sleeping so what was the big deal? There was no reason why I shouldn't be able of doing so as long as I wasn't putting anyone at risk, or endangering anyone. Being confined early at night every night was making me rebellious because it was unhealthy.

The next day I got asked about my whereabouts. I eventually stated that I had left again when questioned about the positions of the camera outside my room. I shortly after agreed that I would leave that day instead of wait until the previously agreed date. A wave of relief overcame me as I realized I was no longer stuck in that position for another month. The only positive outcome that came from me getting into that situation was getting out from it and learning what doesn't work for me. After getting my belongings together and awaiting someone to come and pick me up I was enthusiastic.

The feeling of liberation helped me cope with the stress and the things that I would have to overcome. In the end I could call my friends and family at night if I wanted to, and I could go on a walk at night if I felt restless. I no longer had to worry about getting home at a specific time after just getting finished with my day. Finally, the ability and freedom to go to a bonfire, watch the sunset from the water, lay under the stars, go to a drive in at night was a possibility again. Of course I knew that it wasn't all going to be easy, but that it was going to be worth it. The gate of the cage of a compulsively controlled environment was opened up and I was free.

After leaving I was outside for hours for my first night past 8, and past 10:30 and it was one of the most exhilarating experiences in my life. I watched fireworks, walked a friends dog, was within a mile of water, and was just being outside breathing in the fresh air at night. I was no longer confined to a small room in the garage without anywhere I could go. I no longer would have to leave my door closed at all times with no window for fresh outside air. Finally I was not within feet in the same small vicinity as a water heater for over 10 hours a day.

I went and danced with some new friends that I never saw again, and enjoyed music. After playing with some LED gloves I even got to DJ for some time, and play with many peoples dogs. After enjoying such a simple scene of adulthood I journeyed outside. That night I walked underneath the stars, and was thankful I was no longer somewhere I didn't belong. The road ahead of me was long but it has been a road worth taking.

Almost every day since than I have been able of being a normal person again, and not treated like some kind of slave or child. I've had the ability of coming home at reasonable and responsible times for an adult without being a bother. In a country where not only I was born and raised, generations of my family were also. A country where my freedom as an adult is my right, a right that I earned the day I was no longer the age eighteen anymore. That wasn't the only right that I had that was being taken away from me, and I was peaceful about not being in the situation anymore.

I learned valuable lessons from it including that people who are free adults do not thrive and grow in controlled environments with absurd rules. There was a lot that I was able of taking from the experience and many that I have had since then. Most importantly it taught me to shine like the star that I am, and not to let anyone dull my sparkle. Because life is too short to spent unlived, and it is a great failure losing time doing for others that which what we wouldn't do to ourselves or force others do for us in the same situation. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest that it can be responsibly and not given to let anyone try and take simple God given joys from us.

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