A New Years resolution

I once knew this boy who liked pretty things. He’d love to wear them play with them and imagine he was them. He would go into his moms closet grab her purple pumps she wore once to an 80s party. Then run out of closet and copy Tracy Turnblad doing the mash potatoe on Hairspray. Once he got caught using his moms expensive makeup, he was not a very good makeup artist. So his Mom came in and just about almost killed him because it was all over his face and the tv. After he had a bath he would ask his mom to put the towel like she did especially on the top of his head.

To his family they thought of him as a different child, but accepted him either way. As the boy got older he was torn because this obsession had not gone away and he was not so little that everyone would just say awe how cute it just would not work for him now that he’s already hitting puberty. He still felt like he belonged to those pretty things he loved so much. He would put his moms makeup on behind a locked door saying he was making videos with different characters on you tube. His mom was a little worried but let him just try to find himself. She often wondered was it because the lack of A father figure In his life was she fucking up her sons life. Just the guilty thoughts a single parents seems to ask herself about everything that happens. The perception of this little boy to everybody that knew him was they thought he was sad he was not happy had a low self-esteem. He wore black did not like colors like he used to, just like all those pretty things. He just felt out of his body.

One New Year’s eve it was family night everybody made a resolution and spoke it out loud. Now this little boy said Something extroidanary “I am going to be myself no matter what anybody thinks.“ Granted everybody at the table was just so proud of what he had said especially his mom she always instilled that into his head, you know to be an individual. When school started up again from the winter break it was like any other school day mom’s rushing with her coffee trying to get both of him and his brother in the car ready for school with everything, mom half asleep is driving and is bitching about how long he took to get ready she turned around and to her surprise he’s wearing make up. Now her thoughts at that moment was, she wanted to turn around and tell him to wash it off because she knew how harsh kids can be and that they were just going to eat him alive. So she asked him “are you wearing make up“ he replied “yes” she didn’t have the heart to do that to him she asked why he said “because I’m a girl”. She continued on her journey with many thoughts racing through her mind. As she was about to drop her off she told The young woman that if she needed anything, if she needed her to pick her up she would pick her up in the drop of a dime. If anything happened or if she felt uncomfortable she would pick her up right away. Mind you she watched the whole way her daughter walked into the school thinking “I have the most courageous daughter ever and I will fuck anybody up who even lays a finger on her.” It was safe to say she did not have a very good day at work that day worried all day long looking at the phone making sure it didn’t go off and Making sure she checked the phone. Worried as hell her mother drove to pick her up after school and to her surprise she was happy she said she had a good day at school she had this look of relief and happiness something her mom had not seen for a long time, like she found herself she knew who she was she was so confused for such a long time she was relieved. From that day forward she lives as a woman. It has not been hearts and flowers but whose life is. Her mother has seen what a strong smart ambitious young woman she has become she loves what she has flourished into and oh this is just the beginning. Just the finding of your identity with such hardships from society. She had the courage to say this is me, this is who I am, I’m beautiful, I am “miss sassy pants” well at least that is what her mother called her. It pains my heart to know some kids have such a hard time with their families acceptance and harsh criticism, causing them to hide who they really are. Miss sassy pants was one of the few that was able to become and grow and continue growing into something pretty like those pretty things she held dear to her for so long before.