A Long And Healthy Marriage Needs A Lot Of Talking And Honesty

The dangerous addiction to harmony

If you do not express your wishes, your partner will not guess them.

Anger at the partner you swallow will poison you.

Many people are willing to do anything to maintain the facade of harmony. They avoid quarreling, put their needs aside, and hide their feelings.

Men do the same as women. If both do it, the relationship is already lost, because then there is no chance to repair something before it breaks completely.

The separated couples from my circle of acquaintances rarely quarrel. No one cheated on the other or did violence to him. They simply had nothing to say to each other at some point. Each of these couples had children, and some even had their own house. None of this saved their marriages.

What went wrong? If you ask one of them, it's always the other partner's fault. The partner had too little interest in sex, shared activities, their friends, or their desires.

If you then continue to ask whether the couple has talked about it, the answer is usually no. If so, then one of the partners seeks the conversation once and then gives up forever because the other partner did not react in the way one had imagined.

Some people do not address the problems because they do not want a fight. In fact, I have never heard either of these couples argue.

My wife and I argue regularly. Some friends think that we are not kind to each other because we also argue loudly.

But we still love each other and are still together. If we didn't argue, we wouldn't know what the other one is thinking about us, and we wouldn't be able to work on ourselves. We argue because we care about each other.

Living apart next to each other

Many men say they need their freedom. I agree, no question. But when your freedom becomes more important than your life together, we have a problem.

An evening with the boys is essential and should not be a problem for the woman. Conversely, the woman must also be able to meet with her friends alone, without the man becoming jealous.

But if one evening with the boys turns into three evenings a week and you don't tell your partner where you go and when you come home, it's just too much.

A friend of mine was so keen on his holiday with friends that he didn't cancel it even when his wife got sick. She had to take care of the two small children with fever and chills while her husband enjoyed himself thousands of miles away with his friends.

Another friend of mine came home every day after work, just to sit at the computer immediately and play World of Warcraft until midnight. There was no dinner together and no talking about what he and his wife had experienced that day.

On the other hand, he complained to me that his wife had stopped dressing sexy, and there were no attempts by her to entice him.

What did these boys expect? They behaved like that because they didn't like a few things anymore, but instead of talking openly about it with their wives, they withdrew and only cared about themselves.

And what did the women do? Did they confront their men? No, they suffered in silence. What did they expect in return?

In both cases, both partners expected the other to read their thoughts and change their behavior, but of course, this did not happen

.

A clarifying conversation and a bit of honesty about their feelings might have made a difference. But none of them made this attempt.

Standstill

If both partners stop developing, the relationship can no longer grow. People settle into a life that doesn't fulfill them and do a job that they hate.

People become bitter, fat, and cynical, and so do their relationships.

The partners do not try anything new together. Always the same restaurant, ever the same vacation, still the same sex - the partnership suffocates in the musty air of the eternally same.

The surprisingly simple solution

He that speaks shall be heard.

He who listens will understand.

When two people hear and understand each other, problems can be recognized and solved.

The one who feels understood will also feel loved.

The one who feels loved can show and give love himself.

Where there is love, there is also future.

If two people are looking forward to a shared future, they will also want to shape it, and shaping is change. Change, in turn, keeps you young, and a young love does not pass away.

Talking to each other - It is so simple and yet for many people it is obviously so difficult. But the secret is that it becomes easy once you start.

Don't let your partnership die. You can do something.