A Letter I wish I never had to write...

I know your gone so writing a letter doesn’t make a lot of sense yet I just felt I had to. I want to start by saying I am so sorry. What happened to you was by far the most cruel, unfair thing that I have ever heard of. I am in utter shock and disbelief that after all you had to go through this is how it ended. But what I really need to get off my chest is how sorry I am for everything that lead up to this and especially my part in your struggles.

Im sorry I questioned your intentions with Paige from day one, Im sorry I blamed you for everything bad that happened to my her, I’m sorry for excluding you and for trashing your tv but most of all I’m sorry for not treating you like a member of our family because you are. I never set out with malicious intentions but I just was so protective over Paige and yet she always felt safer with you. I was jealous that you were stealing my princess away from me. But you never stole her, you earned her, you were there for her at the lowest and the highest points of her life and no matter the situation you made her smile brighter. You treated her with love of course but also respect. You gave her confidence, you pushed her to grow as a person and to enjoy the little things in life and most importantly you taught her how to love and showed her what it is like to be loved. Words will never be able to express how thankful I am for that.

I wish I would have thanked you more for all the times you were looking out for her when I couldn’t. I wish I would have reached out more when she needed help. I wish I could go back in time. The last conversation we had you said something like “You dont like me and I dont like you but Paige loves us both so I have to reach out when she needs help”.

I never hated you AJ, I didnt even dislike you but right now I hate myself. I just knew deep down that you and Paige were going to end up together, I knew it. So I only pushed you away so I could have more one on one time with my sister. I’m so sorry that I couldnt be as much of an incredible person you were. I’m sorry I let my pride get in the way of what could have been an awesome friendship.

My sister loves you with everything she has and I wish you could have had the happily ever after you two deserved. Ever since I found out I keep hoping I’ll wake up from this awful nightmare or wishing I could trade places with you. I know thats crazy but I have honestly never been more afraid of what the future holds then I am right now. I’m so scared that my sister will never be happy again or do something we both know is so much worse. The worst part is I know there is nothing in this world I can do to help her. I cant fix this and its killing me but I know if the roles were reversed you would know how to save her, you would know exactly what to do.

Although I never said it I considered you my family, you were the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have and I cared about you more then I even knew myself. I miss you deeply and you will forever be in me and the rest of our families hearts. Thank you in advance for continuing to protect Paige I know she will always need you especially now and I’ve never been more certain in anything spiritual as I am of you being her true guardian angel. Until we meet again 💗