A Hustler’s Girl

I meet him when I was 15 years old, I was not actively dating anyone I was not very interested in boys then. I remember my sister and cousin’s not inviting me to parties or to hang out with them because I was not experienced. I remember this was also the summer I experienced sex with a boy for the first time, it wasn’t forced. I did it because I wanted to be a part of the conversation with my sister and cousins, I didn’t like it at all.

Maybe I was messed up from all the years of abuse but it was no big deal. I remember telling my sister since both of my sisters started at a much younger age “That it, this was what I was not allowed to talk about with you guys. God ya all are dum”.

My cousin wanted me to go up to this guy and let him know that she was interested in him, since even thou, I was the inexperienced one. I was the bold one, I walked up to him and said “hey you”. He looked at me and asked if I was talking to him, “yeah I am, you see that girl over there “he looks down the block “yeah” well she likes you so what’s up? he looked at me and smiled and said no thank you, but you are cute and I just walked away. I went back to the front of our building and told her that I let him know.

The next night of course I was left alone to hang out by myself because I still wasn’t experienced enough, or at least I thought. I found out later on as an adult it wasn’t my lack of experience but the fact that at this point I had lost my weight and had a young body to die for. I dressed a bit protractive and they did not want their boyfriend to look at me. Any I digress, he came out of the shadows and sat with me on the stoop smoking weed and just talking and laughing for an hour. This went on all summer, by the end of the summer and I was going home in two weeks we felt different about each other. We were sitting up on the roof, and he kissed me. My body had this feeling that I had never felt before and that when he told me that he loved me. This to him felt very different they all of his other girls. He was not interested in sleeping with me because I made it very clear that I was not ready for this kind of relationship. We came to an agreement that we would stay together when I went back home, and that I did not mind if he was sleeping with other girls. This was done because he was 19 years old and I was not ready, most would have said if he loved you he would have waited. To me it just didn’t seem fair, I knew why I did not want to have sex, and it wasn’t his fault. We talked every day and he would take me out to dinner, I just never let him know where I lived exactly he knew the borough. My family life was horrible and I just did not want him to think any different about me.

Then I learn why he had so much money, he was a hustler and not your average corner one either. He started taking me to the houses where he completed his business. I met all of his partners and the people he did business with. I have the key code to all of his safes, he trusted me with everything. Where I lived I was doing other things that I did not tell him about, so I knew my place. I was faithful to him 100 %. He was my first love and still to this day I have a love for him but not the same way, then the day came when everything changed for us.

My sister had gotten married and moved away she was now back in NYC and of course, being the whore she has always been. I love her regardless, she went between my mother's house and the bough where we had a family the same one where he lived. My sister had been home for six months and already was turning my world upside down, she had the help of courses. I remember the day clearly; my sister had already announced that she was with child. She was 4months along, and she wanted us to meet her child father. I was in the courtyard hanging out with my other sister and friend and she pushed the gate open with this big smile on her face and said “Hi guys, I wanted you to be the first to meet my baby daddy”. And who walks in the door, but the love of my life with his friend. I had no idea what to do and I could not let people know that I knew him, my mother would have beat the crap out of me. So I held back all my tears and all my anger and said “nice to meet you”, as he put his head down in shame. He seen the hurt in my eyes, he knew that he just destroyed me. My sister standing there smiling and said “you two don’t know each other? I just said no and walked away.

The next day I was going to school and who is standing at the corner of my block, him. I hurried to the train station with him right behind me “Babe pleases talk to me, Babe please”. I stopped and asked him why, he stated that he did not know she was my sister. That he went to my cousin's house to find out where I live because he was unable to reach me for a month. I asked him why he pulled out a ring. He said I wanted to ask you to be my wife, she told me that your mother moved and nobody knew where and her mother confirmed. Then she introduced me to who she said was her friend from Puerto Rico who just got here. I said hi and walked away, then I notice that this same girl kept popping up where ever I was. She made friends with a few of my friends who kept pushing that he get with her. I told him that he had changed his phone number and he stated that he sent me the new one on my space the same day. My mother and her boyfriend had sold our computer and that’s why I could not tell him. I wasn’t allowed to leave the brought where I was at because my sister did some shit and we all paid for it. He said then one night after he checked my page on my space and seen that I have not been on for over two months, he was lost and did not know what to do. He was drinking and smoking and who did he bump into but my sister (who he taught was my cousin's friend from PR) she was auguring with someone over the phone. It so happened that her married boyfriend could not pick her up and she needed to go home. He asked her if she needed a ride and she yes to your house. He took her to one of his apartments, he said it was just someone to sleep with that night, and then she will be gone. He said he remembers using a condom but didn’t know what happened. Because that was the only time he was with her, then she popped up three months later saying she was pregnant. He made an appointment to go to the abortion clinic and the day of his mother called him and told him that he better not be making that girl get rid of her first grandchild. He was lost and had no idea how she knew where his mother lived and how did she get to talk to her. He picks her up to take her to the clinic she got in the car and said “I am keeping it, so tell your little girl that you are done with her”.

I will leave it here because it became more intense as the years passed by …to be continued

Raven