A Can of Worms

I have grown up with the phrase, "I opened a can of worms." Throughout the years, I have always associated that phrase to a brood of brown slimy squiggly things that are crawling out of the bait can on the fishing boat. One touch and the worms shift and run for their lives in shear panic. Actually, the phrase, "I opened a can of worms meant chaos, dirt and dirty fingers.

I am a retired teacher and I remember the days when I would prepare for a fun lesson for the class. With excitement, I would gather everything together and wait, like a worm in that can for a wild rush of excitement and activity that would come with the lesson.

Science can be fun but there is always an element of risk when children are conducting an experiment. Reducing the risk is the job of the teacher. Yet, one wrong move from a student, could cause a flurry of confusion and chaos across the room. One would never know when that was going to happen, but as a science teacher, I was always hoping that the can of worms would not be opened that day.

Mindset

Worms are an important to the environment. They feast on the decay and regenerate waste into useful material. In the darkest places they thrive and multiply. Even in the worst weather, they come out of the darkness to save themselves from drowning. The weather upset their comfort zone and they would emerge to save themselves. When the environment changes, so do they. They are one of the most resilient critters on earth and if they are not in the right environment for them, I pick them up and put them back where they will thrive.

When you're a kid, rain doesn't seem to be so important. One just surrenders to the grey and gloomy day totally unaware that life in the outside world is experiencing chaos. My father, always seem to come alive with anticipation. In the summer rains, one of my chores was to go out and capture the slimy critters by the light of a flashlight. In turn, my father and I would go fishing the next day. Their chaos had become my happiness with a well earned fishing trip.

My lesson was, a dreary day, with some effort can be switched around with a little effort from me. Sure, the darkened yard was scary, but I had a light to lead the way. I could use that light to quickly grab at an opportunity. Slimy and sometimes difficult to secure, the worm would fight to stay in their comfortable home. Patience is needed in some cases because, if you tug too hard, the worm would snap in half or the slippery thing would slip from your hand and escape. Patience was needed to allow the worm to surrender to the harvest. Out of the darkness, dad taught me to look forward to the possibilities that come with a rainy day.

Transmutation

Chaos often brings a level of struggle or brokenness. My father's lesson was one of transmutation. One who is willing to find a way to turn the negative into positives is a life skill that is very helpful skill to add one's life.

Like the puzzle up top one must work to transform a pile of pieces into a beautiful picture. I am not a puzzle person. I have two Harry Potter puzzles sitting on a shelf right now and I haven't transmuted the pain of assembling the puzzle to the reward of admiring the completed puzzle. My love for Harry Potter has not been enough to drive me to face that pain of conquering that pile. Nope, right now I have more important things to transmute.

Transmutation often comes with pain in one's life. Anger, rejection, depression, and the list goes on that causes one to just feel defeated. Like the worm, if one welcomes this phase and proceeds through it, the pain isn't as great if one just surrenders. Sometimes, to fight the pain only adds to it and you snap. Running away from the issue is not a good reward either. The problem still exist until you do face it.

Yesterday, I woke to an email that brought negative news to my progress. I started my day in tears. I worked hard to prepare a Kickstarter and the rejection email came with a list of things I must fix. I am proud of my advancement in the use of technology but that platform just irked me to no end. I just didn't want to go back into "tweek" my project and half of the "to fix" list I hadn't a clue what they meant. I broke down and cried for hours as I worked to figure out how to get back to my project. I felt as if I was back to square one. I wasn't but I felt like I got a swift kick in the shorts.

Yes, my dear friends, I pray. During the immense emotional moment, I broke. I gave up. I screamed. I asked the usual questions of "WHY?". I asked, "Why can't you just give me something on a silver platter for once?" I even said, "I have jumped through every hoop you have given me to jump through. Why won't you make this last stretch easy for me? I am tired to the soul and I just need ease for once!" This prayer said in pain was the best I could do at the moment.

As I rose from my knees, I sat back down to the computer and began to put the pieces together in my head. First one must click here, then there, then darn it, I missed that step. My frustration was too high to be productive and I stopped and cried some more. I didn't run but I stopped and answered my phone.

"Hello." flat and cold I said.

"Oh, what is wrong?" my bestest of best friends said to me.

"Frustrated, angry, broken hopes.", I said through sniffles.

Obviously, she was the flashlight in my darkness. She listened to everything I was going through. She didn't judge me for the conversation I had with the creator. She never does. Little did I know she was the answer to my prayer. She was the one that always bring light into my world.

You see, I am an overachiever on various parts of my life. I make no excuses why I can't achieve something. I work and work until I get it right. However, this also denies me the "joy" of life. I literally have become reclusive. No one has seen me at all. Shoot Doordash and Shipt have become a services that I depend on. Like the worm, I have been happy to to thrive in my own little world. My overachieving behavior closes almost everyone out, including her.

With a giggle she said, "Well, I want you to come with me to get apples and peaches."

What? My head started swimming. I can't leave I HAVE to fix this! I have many depending on my success. I must figure out what I am doing so I can move forward. Yet, I listened, I stopped resisting and I agreed that a break from this frustration would be a good thing. I surrendered to leaving the house to spend time with her and her blabber mouthed friend.

I have always wanted to dye my grey hairs blue. Becky knew this and picked up blue hair dye to highlight my one grey patch on the front of my head. We settled into my office/sitting room/play room space and began the process of my transformation.

During this time spent sitting and chatting, I found out she had become addicted to Kickstarter and pledged to many projects. I told her that I didn't understand what they wanted. If I knew I could fix it. She is such a blond and her actions and being is that of a blond so I am often amazed when she becomes a beacon in dark. She showed me what they were talking about and led me to the answers. The creator sent me my answer and made me step back from the project to collect myself. I am always amazed at the ways my answers are delivered. I received my answer over hair dye and good conversation.

My toil persisted through the night. The battle begun by 5pm and ended near 1am. I went to bed feeling that I had a can of worms in my hands. My reality was, I now need to establish a Non-profit. This is something I have never done. I have no idea what is to come but I achieved a major technology hurdle. Still I went to bed knowing that the day's storm was done to my best abilities.

I rose from bed and began my day to another phone call from Becky.

"How are you today?", she said in her kind and loving way.

"Much better! I got it figured out thanks to you! But I have come to realize I may have can of worms that might run a muck when it opens.", I said.

Her light hearted chuckle resounded through the words, "Worms? Oh, Sheila, turn those worms into gummy worms. Turn those troubles into happy tasty moments as you expand and grow."

Gummy worms. A can of gummy worms. There's a new way to transmute the statement of "A can of worms." My little blond sees the world so differently than I. I am thankful for that. She has given me many new insights to life. I love gummy worms as a treat but somehow, she just made them sugar coated and made them even better in my mind.

Surrendering to what is, isn't easy. Getting lost in the process is even easier yet. A light in one's world is a gift. Becky was my gift. She always brings out my fun side. She has been with me since we were eight and she has pulled me out of a lot of dark times with her light hearted ways. To be honest, she has weathered many storms with me and has helped me to transmute a lot of painful moments in my life. This, my dear reader, I am truly thankful for.