8 Steps To Master Speed Dating

I lost my virginity in an alley way, got fingered for the first time under a tree, and sucked my first dick in a park. I fucking love nature. However, as the seasons change, so do my flaps, and I haven't 69'd a private school boy in about 6 years.

After much thought, I decided to come out as a virgin about a year and a half ago. Since then, I have acquired the skills needed to pursue enjoyable speed dating, without sacrificing my nature walks.

Firstly, never message first. Call me old fashioned, but if the person really wants you, they're gonna make it their mission to get to you, and you DESERVE that chase. This shows that you're interested in dating, but you're not desperate for an Italian dinner, know what I mean?

Second, give them a three-day window to make a move. When it comes to online dating, I get engaged and then distracted, so I tend to check the roster every once in a while. If you practice similar behaviours, then this grace period should be appropriate. However, if you tend to sit on the app all day, cut it down to a 12 hour window. Chances are, if you have logged on three times, and they haven't asked to meet up, they aren't interested, and they're probably a catfish.

Third, NEVER- give the snapchat. Snapchat exchanges never go anywhere; it's a HUGE time waster, and it suggests that the person has no intent of meeting face-to-face. Anytime I am asked 'snap?', I stop responding, and clear them from my roster. Sorry not sorry, I don't wanna see a 22 year old hockey player with a doggy filter. NEXT.

Fourth, if they ask to, 'chill', file for a divorce. If they are serious about meeting, they will insist on taking you on a date. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. These types of people will constantly let you down, especially when asking the big question, 'wanna get married or something lmao'. Huge fucking L.

Fifth, if you can't think of something to say, ask them their birthday. Sorry hun, but I ain't bothering with a Capricorn. IMPORTANT: If they ask why, or give you the month but not the date, then they are pussies, and they do NOT deserve your attention.

Sixth, refer to your alcoholism in your profile. Drinks are a great way to entertain yourself, just in case your date sucks ass. It's honestly a win-win.

Seventh, do NOT- exchange the course until at-least the third date. Even if you think he's the one, there's nothing attractive about giving-in on the first date. It goes both ways; I don't want a guy who has a tendency to sleep with someone on the first meet, and I'm sure I don't seem self-respectful if I'm willing to spread my flaps on a guy I just met. Prude is hot tbh, and I'd rather fuck a sneaky mouse than a spread-eagled rat.

And lastly, if they have a side-bag, a b o r t m i s s i o n.