7 Truths for Women Gathered From the Planet of Men

How many times have you thought you didn't understand the man next to you? Do you seem to speak different languages ​​sometimes? Well, yes, you're right! We are different in the way we process information, and that automatically means that our reactions are different.

I am sure that since Dr. John Gray wrote "Men Are on Mars, Women on Venus," it has become a fact for many women that we are on different planets.

How many times have you thought you didn't understand the man next to you? Do you seem to speak different languages ​​sometimes? Well, yes, you're right!

We are different in the way we process information, and that automatically means that our reactions are different. However, we can learn how to understand each other and get closer to intimacy by speaking to each other in the "language" we understand.

What can you do about the man next to you ?!

1. Don't expect your husband to do several things at once

Don't talk to a man about important things while he's doing something else. Chances are you won't get enough attention (or not at all), and as a woman who can usually do several things at once, you'll take this personally and get upset.

The truth is that he is not necessarily uninterested in what you want to tell him, just that a man works better, more efficiently, when he focuses on each thing in turn. This way he can use his resources optimally and can draw emotional conclusions at the end of the action.

The solution: Patience and understanding. Wait until he finishes what he has to do and then ask him. Or interrupt it just to determine when you can do something together: a discussion, an action, and so on.

2. The 30-second rule

If you ask a man for his opinion or ask him how he feels, then you should know that he needs a little time to answer you. We women are generally guided by emotions and intuition in what we do. That is why it is much easier for us to express what we feel.

But a man, although he has an equal amount of information and emotions, does not express them in the same way as we do. This is processed differently in women than in men.

Women, in general, need to feel ready to do something, while men often need to do something to realize what they are feeling. So when you ask for his opinion or ask him how he feels, you have to give him time to answer; while he evaluates the probabilities.

Solution: When you ask a man a question, please wait 30 seconds before you rush to press for an answer. During this time … shut up! Don't give him suggestions, don't rush him, and don't interrupt him with gestures. Wait and see. When he starts talking, let him do it and listen to him.

A man feels much better and more willing to talk when he knows that he is not interrupted, that we do not talk about him and he is listened to. These things encourage him to feel safe and to process his emotions.

3. Men are looking for solutions

I know that you expect when you tell your partner about a bad day at work, that he will sit and listen to you and eventually understand your emotions. What escapes you is that by telling him some stories (and not emotions), you just gave him a problem to solve, and he is by nature structured to look for solutions.

Therefore, instead of listening to you to the end and sympathizing with you (which a woman would do), he will tell you what to do, or what you could have done. According to him, this is how he saves you. He would do that for him. He sees nothing practical in listening and compassion because they do not solve the problem (upset).

He considers himself useful if he gives you a solution, and if you accept it, then he considers himself proud of it (validated) - when I say you accept his solution I mean that he offers it to you, not necessarily the solution in sine.

The solution: Isn't it easier than to tell him from the beginning that you don't want solutions, but just to sit and listen to you? If you want solutions, then ask for them. How much would this change simplify things? Isn't that right, gentlemen (if you're here)?

4. Men have a reduced capacity for details

Women see the details! We see the colors and we care what "fuchsia" is and what it matches; it involves us decorating a plate with food; we immediately react to the difference between a velvety material and a harsher one… in other words, women involve their senses with their maximum capacity in every decision.

This causes us to be receptive and inclined to detail. What does this have to do with men?

When you start to explain in detail the discussions with a friend, or when you describe in great detail what you want to buy, etc.

After about 2–3 minutes, his mind starts sending signals: "Where does he want to go?", "What is he talking about?", "What does all this mean and what should I say?", "No. I see the point of all this. " If you continue and the story goes on, then that's when you probably start to notice that the man in front of you is absent, or even withdrawing from the discussion.

Solution: Get to the point! Be specific! Save details for discussions with other women. Realize that the man in front of you is not indifferent, or rude, but a man! It just doesn't work that way. He is probably interested in what you have to say, but he doesn't feel the need for so many details to form an opinion. He needs to reach a result, to know what he has to do, to say, to think …

5. Don't expect a man to read your mind

This is very important! (and I'm sure the gentlemen now nod). Having such an expectation is like planning a common dose of frustration. Many women expect the man in front of them to empathize with them in the same way as they do with their needs.

Besides, I don't even say what their needs are. Remember ladies, a man may be more than willing to fulfill a need or desire of yours, provided you tell him and don't put him in a position to guess how to proceed. satisfy. Men like to win and the situation of uncertainty in which women often place them is not one they like. So they will avoid it!

Solution: First make sure you know your needs and what you want! The more specific you are, the easier it will be for a man to breathe. Men are by nature, logical beings and respond best to clear, specific information.

For example, if you need more affection, instead of sitting around in a corner and "making it clear" that you're upset (which sends him into the Matrix), it's not easy. You say, "I feel … and I'd like you to hold me a little"?

6. Men need appreciation

A man is in a constant battle to solve problems. It is their main engine. How to become better, better known, stronger, richer, smarter, etc. all these are problems that need to be solved for him to feel fulfilled. When he manages to solve something, he needs appreciation: from the small things to the big things.

This is how he is validated and thus, he becomes ready for the next battle. So, when a man does something for you and you don't appreciate him, you even criticize him for not doing well, then go against the flow. You demotivate him and if he continues like this, he will want to desert, because he feels that he cannot win whatever he does. It can no longer be validated.

Of course, it doesn't mean turning into a fake supporter, because a man needs sincere validation from you.

Solution: Appreciate what he does for you, even if he missed the details. If you need something else, then … be clear and specific. Complete what he has already done, instead of blaming him. When a man is accepted for what he is, moment by moment, then he becomes weary and he will appreciate you for it.

7. Men are suppliers

No, I'm not just talking about the material part, if you immediately thought about it. They are providers of pleasure, security, love, power, courage, determination, etc. But to be able to offer all this, he needs 3 reasons: 1. To have a problem to solve, 2.

To make sense and 3. To know that he validates himself by solving the problem. How does this translate into everyday life? Let's say a man gives you something and you give him the impression that you like him, but if you don't tell him why and why he likes you, then he might consider that the problem is over and he won't care. in particular, to give you that more. A man needs the motivation to continue to provide.

The solution: As I hope you have already understood, tell him clearly and specifically what he has offered or will offer you: "When you hold me in your arms, I feel protected and loved. I like this one!"; "When you wash the dishes in the evening, I feel pampered and appreciated." "When you call me you're late, I feel respected and reassured."