7 Reasons Why Blind Dating Is Dead

Dating has changed a lot in the last few years. We, as a society, have changed beyond recognition. A pandemic will do that to you.

Yet despite everything we've been through, it doesn't change the fact there are many of us out there:

• Looking for love
• Someone to start a family with
• Someone to help endure the lonely nights

We're still seeking romantic connections in varying forms.

And as we continue to look for these connections, we wonder whether the traditional methods for finding someone continues to apply.

The first to walk the plank, the first idea to re-evaluate, is the gold old blind dating. 

Or, as the case is, it's time to go blind dating.

It's been a long time since I've been blind dating

The most personal experience we will ever experience is the dating process. Despite all the similarities we may share with others, its uniqueness means it's impossible to replicate.

It's with this thought I have to confess it's been a while since I've been on a blind date. I'm married now, but I've had my fair share of dating woes.

Included in those woes was a blind date set up for me by my best friend at the time. You could say that my memory of this disastrous blind date makes me biased as I evaluate this style of meeting people. 

Deep down, I've always wanted to abolish it.

But I'm trying to act rationally throughout my assessment, and think about how blind dating fits into the modern landscape.

Despite this, no matter how much I've weighed up the pros and cons, and removed my own experience from the mix, I could only come up with one conclusion.

1. You rely on someone else's perception of the right person

Who is the best person to find you a date? 

Who knows you best? 

Who knows what will satisfy you, turn you on, turn you off?

Yeah, it's you.

Blind dating relies too heavily on someone else's interpretation of your perfect person.

Sure, you can tell them what you want. But it's like telling a shop assistant you're looking for black work shoes. They will show you a high heel, a boot, and a pair of sneakers.

Rarely, despite all their training and experience, do they get it right, 100%, every time.

Unless you're turning to a dating professional with such a success record, you're putting your eggs in someone else's basket.

That's a lot of trust in my books. Too much trust.

2. You rely on someone else's judge of character

Here is another flaw with blind dating that people like to forget. It's one thing to know someone as a friend, colleague or acquaintance, yet it's another to date them.

It's hard to know what someone is like in a romantic setting, yet we're assuming that knowledge onto the person setting us up.

A friend of mine dated another friend and it ended. Badly. The female friend lamented to me that, in bed, the guy was a disaster. He didn't have any sexual confidence, nor did he even want to try and build a healthy sex life together.

I'm going to put myself in a hypothetical situation. Imagine if I had set them up together.

How was I to know that?

How could I have possibly judged this side of a relationship considering I have no experience dating either of my friends?

3. The risk isn't worth the reward

We can pretend blind dating isn't uncomfortable. It's normal, it's what people do. Oh, please, who's kidding who here?!

Blind dates are awful. Here's everything that can and often will happen that most people wish didn't:

• Awkward silences and nothing to talk about  -  You quickly discover you have nothing in common with them but still have to endure the entire date. Especially considering someone you know worked hard to set the date up.
• Arguments about fundamental differing opinions  -  You realise you don't share the same beliefs on major parts of your life. The classic? One person is looking for commitment, the other isn't.

• You don't find them attractive  -  In real life, outside of the picture your friend showed you, the spark isn't there. You don't experience the chemistry needed to go from date one to date two.
• They do something you can forgive  -  They blow their nose with the tablecloth. They don't tip the waiter. They show up fifteen minutes late to your date.

All these events can happen on 'normal' first dates, by the way. But you can control when the first date happens in your relationship.

You might vet the person better to eliminate issues like differing opinions or awkward silences. You might also decide not to go on a date with someone until you truly know them.

It's about losing control, and in blind dating, your risk of disaster is higher because you have little to no control at all.

4. The risk isn't worth the argument

I don't want to lose friends over setting someone up on a bad blind date.

My friendships are valuable to me, and I actively spend my time ensuring I don't do anything to sabotage the relationship. I protect these relationships; I work on them, and I tender to them.

Setting one of my friends up on a blind date seems like you're taking an axe to the relationship. You work so hard to keep it together and then you put it through a test.

Don't be fooled by the idea that you're helping your friend.

Setting someone up on a blind date might seem like that from the naked eye. You're doing them a favour, right?

Well if it ends in disaster, you're not helping anyone. You've hurt both friends and your overall friendship in the process.

5. We have Tinder

I can understand dating apps aren't everyone's cup of tea. It can seem scary to put yourself online and declare to the world you're looking for a partner.

It seems less terrifying if you go through a third party. You have someone to hold your hand.

Your friends can hold your hand without setting you up on a blind date, though. They can be there as you take the plunge online, they can help you scroll through and work out what to say to people.

Their involvement can be far more passive.

Dating apps like Tinder are set up to help you find a date, better than your friends. Using the filters and location settings, you can instantly find connections with people. You have options at your fingertips.

It's wonderfully convenient.

6. Time efficiency in your time-poor world 

Blind dating doesn't appeal to the time-efficient task management side of my personality. I know there are better ways of dating that save you time and energy.

And if you want to find someone, if you want to rectify your single situation with minimal fuss and time, blind dating wouldn't be a technique that makes the list.

Here is the timeline for blind dating:

1. You tell your friend you want them to help you find a date
2. They decide whether they want to help you or not - they might need time to consider this proposition
3. They gather what you want in a potential partner - this could take a while, as they might come back to you several times for clarification
4. They hunt for a potential date for you - insert infinite time here
5. You line up the first date
6. You only begin get to know the person throughout the date
7. You reject the person (or they reject you) and the process starts all over again

When you put it like that, it seems way too time-consuming and grossly inefficient. Cutting out the middleman would save everyone the time and effort.

7. You rely on someone getting off their butt for your love life

Here's the part about blind dating that hits a nerve with me. It's lazy.

This isn't a situation where you should delegate the workload. It's not a shared project with shared and equal rewards for everyone involved. It's your love life.

As the person who wants the human connection, who wants something out of the situation, it doesn't make sense to put it in the hands of someone else.

You're passing on all the effort to a third party.

That's a lot of responsibility that I'm not willing to take on. If someone asked me to set them up on a blind date, I would say no simply based on this idea.

I have bigger problems in my life, bigger problems of my own to solve, I don't need to be responsible for someone else finding a date.

The pressure. The time crunch. The promise of delivering.

If you want to find a date, you have to find it yourself.

Sure, you can turn to blind dating if you really can't make connections work for you. But if you rely on it, and make it part of your dating process, you aren't taking ownership over your dating life.

It's your (dating) life

Here is the bottom line with blind dating; if it works for you and your friends, go for it.

Keep doing what works for you. Don't mess with a winning system. It's your love life and your friendships on the line, not mine.

But would I recommend it blind dating, with my logic and experience as evidence? No. 

For me, it's got to go.