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7 months later

by josh napper 2 years ago in love

dear goddess....from an average man

There's something that I want to get off my chest but if I’m being honest it’s easier to do it this way then being face to face with you. Part of my brain is normal and the other part is always trying to pretend that life is just a storyline. So 7 months ago when I walked through those doors we now both call home away from home part of me for the good reasons, and honestly, that other part of my mind was like this just gonna start the storyline. But from the moment me and the one that suspsoly turned you down talked outside and I said your name, being there for something much bigger. Heck I’m one of the first there each time, and most days I am one of the last to leave, and you haven’t been able to stop in for what like 2 months.

Yea they have made their jokes and dan it sometimes it does hurt because we come from two different worlds. You made for the big time and well lord knows I'm nothing special. But hey that was something I was used to after day one, I told those two boys I wasn't scared but if I’m being honest when I saw that city hall worker in line my heart started beating out of my chest cuz I was terrified. And I didn't need to ask him one question to figure out who he was. Maybe I thought he would punch me in my face right then right there. But most importantly I just figured the one that is the most important to you would look down on me and say the words I’ve heard plenty of times “ you’re not good enough”. Man rip to the one that left to soon. If only there was a way for us to switch places.

3 years of asking people what looks good at the stand and the one time I froze was when you came walking up with your girl, I stopped mid...mid sentence. I don't freeze, I get knocked down but I don't stop. O wouldn’t be irony of the boy made me have that heart attack after all. Might as well keep it all in the family I guess.

It’s the irony that our mutual friends will say I’m this and I’m that, but hold up if I tell them whos on my mind they’ll be like oh wait yes that’s impossible. Maryssa even told me that maybe I should get out of gr since every time she asks how I am I tell her not the greatest, but that means leaving my people behind and you as well. And that's just being a coward since I never told ya the truth face to face. Yet again here I am typing this and let's be honest you can’t pay me enough to add you to the tag line. Hey jp, I’m gonna need more than 30 to do what you told me to.

All I wanted was one small chance. That’s all. But I knew at the skin-deep level I would never get it. And Nah that's not a bad thing on you, it just hurts me I guess. Truth be told at least I changed up the letter and I stayed in Michigan. God aint up there saying to his angels watch this and you wake up one morning and say ya know what. The thing is I was never asking for the chance to be at the top of that list I just wanted to be on that list and earn my promotions.

This aint sports where I’m the backup backup that must play in the big game and when the game is on the line I end up making the play of the century for the win. This ain’t wrestling where you and the 1 most important to you are surrounded in the ring by a whole heel stable, and as the crowd chants no and the announcers are saying you can’t do this, my music hits and I storm the ring giving you two steel chairs to aid in backing up the foes. No storyline where we’re all really wrestling stars and each show the crowd chants my name with that one simple hashtag. There's not a tv scene where I’m feeling down and not thinking I’m about to be able to make my huge speech and then just as I'm about to walk through those curtains you stop me with a smile on your face. There ain't a world that we end up putting our hearts into one and along with our fellow folks we take over this city. In my most famous words of that one letter “you don’t deserve an average guy like me”

There's something that I want to get off my chest but if I’m being honest it’s easier to do it this way then being face to face with you. Part of my brain is normal and the other part is always trying to pretend that life is just a storyline. So 7 months ago when I walked through those doors we now both call home away from home part of me for the good reasons, and honestly, that other part of my mind was like this just gonna start the storyline. But from the moment me and the one that suspsoly turned you down talked outside and I said your name, being there for something much bigger. Heck I’m one of the first there each time, and most days I am one of the last to leave, and you haven’t been able to stop in for what like 2 months.

So thank you for making these last 7 months worth something, and reminding me who’s above those clouds. Now if you could excuse me, I got some other things I'm told is impossible that I would like to get around to doing. May God bless.

From an average guy.

love

josh napper

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