6 Ways to Triumph Over Self-Pity and Defeat Self-Loathing

Staring at the ceiling, I waited for the assistant's cheek as the nurse began to draw blood from my vein.

My mother, sitting patiently in a chair next to my hospital bed, looked at me with comfort and hope. This was not the way we thought we would spend our Saturday.

My mom and stepfather had walked for hours from home for the first time to visit my college on parents ’weekend.

I had spent the past few weeks organizing activities with college shenanigans my friends and our parents. What I was expecting was real in my head. My mom tossed a successful beer pong, my adoptive dad shot Natty during the recording, and I smiled with joy from the sides, like a parent watching her child dance.

But here we were in the hospital, waiting for the test results, while my friends and their parents had fun.

The doctor came in and said the four-letter word I was afraid of: mono. Yes, I know that mono is not the worst disease a person can get and that some people have serious illnesses and diseases, but I could not catch them unfortunately.

It seems that the whole semester of my last year was full of misfortunes and misfortunes.

I had just come out of a relationship with the person who made my world go round, I left a lasting loneliness.

I had spent months ago feeling depressed about my current situation and worried about how uncertain my road would be after graduation. I was wandering around campus like a zombie, my white headphones Dr. Dre Beats drowned in the world around me.

And now the mono was icing over the broken, dry and spoiled cake.

I spent the next few days in my home bed literally “sweating” with this disease. I’m not sure if it was the flu or the amount of sleeping and flu medications I was on, but I put in some kind of spiritual quest, I think you could call it.

It was almost Alice's situation in Wonderland that allowed me to look at my situation differently. And I realized that my biggest problem was self-doubt and self-pity. Instead of finding ways to have fun, I preferred to go to sea with my little misfortune.

I spent the following recovery days finding ways to deal with this and it led to this:

6 Ways to Overcome Self-pity and Overcoming Self-Hate

1. Focus on others.

When you are dealing with self-pity like me, one of your biggest problems is that you probably think too much of yourself.

Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, emphasizes the importance of paying attention to others, based on the idea that most people like to talk about them.

After reading his book, I decided to test his opinion. In my subsequent conversations, I focused on other people's lives instead of complaining about myself. I soon learned that others have the same problems that I do, and soon I realized that people were turning to me for advice and relationships.

Seeing my ability to provide leadership has brought me the joy I needed to stop thinking about my problems and focus on positive thoughts.

2. Find a hobby and make a goal.

Everyone knows about the problems in the middle of life, but we actually go through hardships at every stage in our lives. No matter what age you are, you can still get into trouble and feel worthless. Instead of feeling down, change your focus on something that will make you feel good about yourself, such as the pursuit of a new hobby and goal.

Find a hobby: swimming, drawing, running, drawing, writing - anything! And most importantly, set a goal. This will give you something to look forward to on the road, like running in that local 5k or showing off your art in a gallery.

You may find that you are good at something you did not know you were good at before.

3. Find out what makes you happy, and do it.

Before I realized it, I was spending my days frustrated and crippled by the little things that didn't go my way.

In an interview with my sister, she gave me this simple advice that really touched me. It takes a little bit of internal reflection, but once you’ve found what you enjoy, just doing that can be what you need to brush up on the worst events of your day.

For me, eating grapefruit in the morning makes me happy. I realize that it would be ridiculous to think that an orange fruit could bring forth such power. However, there is something about waking up and preparing the grapefruit in the same way my mother would do when I was a child giving me the senseless warmth that I am passing through my days.

4. Remind yourself of your good qualities.

Whether before going to bed or during your morning routine, tell yourself a list of things you are good at and what makes you a good person.

This can be one of the most difficult things to accomplish. Our minds have been adjusted for years to remind us of the things we suck and all the bad things we have done in our lives. It takes time, but with effort you can train your brain to stop entertaining yourself with those bad thoughts and desire good thoughts.

This thinking is not arrogant; she is well. Like a well-balanced breakfast in the morning, these thoughts prepare your mind for a happy day.

5. Create a to-do list.

When you feel down, write down the things that happen to you. Once published, these problems will appear less dramatic and catastrophic. However, if you still feel frustrated, consider this list as a “do-it-yourself” list yourself.

For each take, find ways and set days to work to reduce each problem. Some problems can take more than a day to solve, but knowing that I have spent half of my day working on myself keeps me feeling successful.