6 Toxic Couples From History

The few weeks before Valentine's day are the worst. At this time of year in the UK it's cold and dark for most of the day; I'm sure if you're anything like me you're probably not in the best of moods to begin with.

Every time you so much as pop to the shops for some groceries, you're quickly overwhelmed by a haze of pink fluffy things and chocolate in every damn aisle. A nice, cozy evening alone in front of the TV and your tired eyes are assaulted by commercials every 15 minutes trying to sell customized Valentine's cards. If you dare check your email inbox, there's likely a good 20+ emails advertising variations of romantic pizza for 2, couples spa break, or worse still sexy tips for Valentine's Night...

This Valentine's day it surprises me probably as much as my mother that I'm not single, but that doesn't really change the fact I'm far from being in on the whole Valentine's thing. The truth is, whether you have a significant other or not, being lovebombed this time of year just isn't for everyone. Smug, loved up couples here-there-and-everywhere are enough to make me feel queasy at the best of times, but when they get their very own day to revel in their glee? It all proves a bit too much.

As my anti-Valentine's gift to the world I bring you 6 Toxic Couples From History, complete with a feel-good musical playlist. We're all too easily led by the love we see in films or in literature, even more so on social media by loved-up celebrities and influencers parading their coupledom in our faces. But what happens behind closed doors? Is it all as perfect as they want us to believe?

1) Mark Antony & Queen Cleopatra

If these two had been on social media it would have been a storm.

Our first toxic couple are extremely well known for their love affair but not always well understood in just how toxic it was. Roman General Mark Antony and Queen of Egypt Cleopatra used their love affair to challenge the power of Rome at the time. Cleopatra needed Antony to protect her right to the throne and maintain Egypt’s independence, while Antony needed access to the money and resources of Egypt. Their relationship caused a great scandal in Rome at the time, spurring Antony’s rival Octavian to portray them both as traitors and declare war on Egypt.

They were no match for Rome. To evade capture the couple decided to take their own lives. Antony stabbed himself in the stomach, Cleopatra famously allowed a snake to bite her arm and die by poison.

The Lumineers - Cleopatra

At the end of every relationship, provided you're still here and not a goner like Mark and Cleo, most of us think long and hard about what we did, what went wrong or what we'd do differently. The Lumineers take on Cleopatra is perfect for this. It's a calm, dreamy song that looks at this reminiscing we all do and questions the “what ifs” that relationships inevitably bring you.

2) Lord Byron & Lady Caroline Lamb

The next couple might be more associated with romance and charming poetry to one's betrothed, but you would be somewhat sorely mistaken.

In 1812, the married Lady Caroline Lamb began a very public affair with the well known English poet Byron. Their relationship had extreme highs and lows on a constant basis, the couple seeming to bring out the absolute worst in each other. When Byron eventually broke up with Lamb, she tried to stab herself and later burned an effigy of Byron in front of the local villagers. In her obsession with Byron, Lamb went on to spread bizarre rumors about him having it off with his own half-sister.

Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra)

Somebody That I Used To Know is a fantastically haunting song: the lyrics are powerful and highly recognizable, as is the tune. It still strikes me now when I hear it - I'm brought back to my days at university, this song on the radio constantly whilst I was trying to move on from being in a crappy relationship with a crappy guy. At least I didn't burn an effigy of my ex in front of the local villagers, but oh the nostalgia...

3) Henry VIII & His Six Wives

I invite you to listen to the beautifully romantic song above, Greensleeves. It was written by King Henry VIII himself as a means to steal the single Anne Boleyn's heart. Unfortunately, anyone who took a history class in elementary school knows how badly that ended. After divorcing his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, Henry quickly married the feisty but sultry Anne Boleyn. They were married for 3 years before Henry had her executed on charges including adultery, incest and conspiracy against the king. The charges even to this day are heavily disputed by historians.

Henry VIII - Greensleeves

Greensleeves is one of the best known songs from the Tudor era, but for many it serves as a reminder to be mindful of who and how you love. Even if they are the King of England.

4) Amy Winehouse & Blake Fielder-Civil

There aren't many people in the UK who don't remember the downfall and death of Amy Winehouse after her terribly toxic marriage broke down. Throughout her brilliant career Amy was plagued by her destructive, drug-fueled relationship with Blake Fielder-Civil. The pair were obsessed with one another and totally inseparable, but their relationship soon descended into heroin and alcohol abuse. Both Amy and Blake would have very public arguments, the couple often wandering the streets of London covered in blood, scratches and bruises they had given to each other. They divorced in 2009 and Amy died of alcohol poisoning two years later at the age of 27.

Amy Winehouse - Tears Dry On Their Own

Tears Dry On Their Own is often thought of as Amy's big "f*** you" song to toxic relationships. The lyrics cry out that she doesn't need a man around to comfort her, especially not one who hurts her. A good lesson I'm sure, in anyone's books.

5) Lucille Ball & Desi Arnaz

I Love Lucy was the most watched tv show in 1950s America, bringing in an audience of tens of millions. It's leading stars included the beautiful Lucille Ball and her charismatic husband Desi Arnaz. On the show they were presented to the world as an adorable couple in a happy but slightly chaotic marriage.

Off camera the 'happy' couple were constantly fighting or in Desi's case, sleeping with other people. When Lucille was understanding upset about his behavior, he remarked nonchalantly that they were hookers so they didn't count. Lucille would respond with outbursts of violence and was well known for her temper tantrums throughout Hollywood.

The All-American Rejects - Gives You Hell

The song Gives You Hell is about that terrible person in your life and giving them the finger, which I think makes it quite the fitting song for moving on from a toxic ex. It's also nice, charming and upbeat as far as rock music can be, just for the hell of it. I can equally imagine both Lucille and Desi listening to this song in the aftermath of their split.

6) Sid Vicious & Nancy Spungen

Both Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen had a difficult start in life, long before they became a toxic couple. He endured a childhood with a drug abusing parent, she was in and out of mental institutions and schools for troubled teens.

They met during on the punk scene and became addicted to each other almost instantly. Their behavior however deteriorated through the use of hard drugs, particularly heroin. When Sid's band, The Sex Pistols tried to ban Nancy from being around, Sid lost the plot and smashed an audience member over the head with his bass in concert.

Their relationship however took a turn for the worst when they had a drink and drugs party in their hotel room. The following morning Nancy was found dead from a knife wound, Sid was found wandering the hallway of the hotel claiming to have killed her. He later on died of a heroin overdose at the age of 21.

Buzzcocks - Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t’ve?)

Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t’ve?) is brash and beautifully represents punk at the time of Sid and Nancy's relationship. We've all fallen in love with someone awful at one time or another, so here's a big shoutout to Facebook memories for reminding us each year - what was I thinking?

On a more serious note...

Every relationship has its major ups and downs from time to time, but if you find you’re constantly treading on eggshells around your significant other it might be time to consider if you truly want to be with that person.

Toxic relationships are common and can happen to anyone. You’re not weak if you get caught in the grip of a partner who you love but who is essentially poisoning your self-esteem, happiness and wellbeing.

Talk to someone you trust who can help or listen. Ask them how they see your relationship from an outsider's perspective.

Tell your partner how you feel. They may be totally unaware they are making you feel this way.

Finally, don't be afraid to walk away if someone's not good for you.