6 Myths That Can Prevent You From Finding Love

As I swipe left and right on a couple of dating sites, I often find myself wondering if I’m ever going to swipe right on someone who actually turns out to be the right one for me. The one who can give me the all-in, cosmic, magical love I’m looking for.

Based on how often I swipe left compared to right, and how often the right swipes fizzle out, it wouldn’t take much for me to conclude that it’ll never happen. But it would be even less likely to happen if I didn’t take a clear-eyed, realistic approach to finding love, even as I seek something cosmic and magical.

There’s little doubt that finding the love of your life would be a wonderful thing. But those seeking love often sabotage their efforts by believing several, common myths. It’s much more challenging to find true love if your beliefs are inaccurate. Take a look at these myths and see how many you currently believe.

Clear your thinking by examining these common love myths:

Your perfect partner will find you

Personally, I believe in fate – but only to a point. There’s no evidence to suggest that fate plays a role in finding your ideal mate. The more responsibility you take for your life, the more likely you are to find a successful match. Fate might take control by placing you and your perfect partner in the same space together – but it won’t be your living room. If you get out there in the world, that’s when fate can take charge.

Keep your eyes open and be prepared to act when the right opportunity comes along. Accept invitations to go out for drinks or karaoke. If you see someone attractive while you’re shopping or having dinner out, and they’re not already obviously attached, approach them. Sign up for dance lessons, a bowling league, or something else that interests you and check out others who also joined.

Who do you think will have more success: the person that goes out with a few new people each month that meet his criteria? Or the person that stays home on the couch and declares that he’ll leave his love life in the hands of fate?

Playing hard to get is the way to a man or woman's heart

Those that like to play games or have a lot of self-confidence might enjoy the chase. But most of us are attracted to those who show a genuine interest. We want to know that you’re into us so there’s no confusion or doubt.

That doesn’t mean professing your love after the second date. Or committing to an exclusive relationship by the third or fourth date. It also doesn’t mean you have to be ready or even interested in getting married.

But waiting a week to return a text or phone call will leave the other person assuming you don’t have any interest. Bragging about how many other people you’re dating will make them feel like they’re just another number. Checking your phone a dozen times before the appetizer arrives at dinner will make them feel insignificant and unwanted.

Love will happen naturally

Love and relationships are hard work. It’s true that most great relationships are very easy in the beginning, but the beginning doesn’t last for long. And once the beginning is over, you have to be willing to put in the work.

And what if your natural environment doesn’t have any suitable prospects? If you only ever stay at home, you’re probably not going to step out of the shower and magically meet your true love in the bathroom. Love will never happen in this case until you step outside of your natural environment. Take control of your life.

Natural, in the case of love, should mean that you feel connected to your partner. But it will never mean that you don’t have to put in some effort and get out of your comfort zone sometimes.

A great relationship is always 50/50

It will hardly ever be 50/50. Your partner will get sick, have a bad day, suffer a midlife crisis, and have the occasional bad mood. So will you. During those times your partner isn’t at their best, you’ll have to do more of the heavy lifting. Hopefully, the favor will be returned in the future.

If you’re expecting 50/50, then you’re actually shortchanging yourself. The reality is that it may be more 70/30, 80/20, or even 90/10. But even if you’re the one giving 90% right now, in a healthy relationship, you know the day will come when your partner will be the one giving 90%.

If you realize that your relationship is 70/30, 80/20, or whatever breakdown you have, and that you’re always the one giving the larger share (or that you’re always benefiting from giving less), that’s a sign that the relationship is unbalanced and perhaps unhealthy. Take the time to figure out why this is happening and change it.

All the good men or women are taken

Many of the good ones are taken, but many of the good ones are still out there. There are plenty of great people looking for someone just like you. And if you’re living with an energy of “there are no good ones out there for me,” you’ll draw in plenty of people who will prove you right.

The pickings can get a little slimmer as you get older, but they’re out there. Unfortunately, they’re also more likely to be at home as they get older. Make yourself available by having an active life. Someone else will have the same strategy.

Be open, even when you’ve had a string of bad dates, that there are still some good ones out there and you’ll find yours when the time is right. Keep having fun in the meantime.

You'll know in the first couple of dates if they're the one

It’s easy to be excited during the first six months of a new relationship. This honeymoon period feels good, and your partner seems perfect. But then the newness wears off and reality settles in for the long haul.

The next six months are a more accurate test. Those quirky behaviors that seemed so charming start to lose their charm. Real life starts to creep into your fantasy world. If you’re still excited after six months, you can feel optimistic that you may have found a good match.

If finding love has been an exercise in futility, perhaps your belief system is getting in the way. When your beliefs are accurate, you can create an effective course of action. Be proactive and keep a positive attitude. You never know where your perfect partner is hiding.