6 Green Flags You Should Look Out for When Dating Someone New

I see a lot of dating pieces talking about red flags. They are important, I agree - you should pay attention to the “oh-ho” signals your date gives, even (or especially) the subtle ones. However, don’t disregard the green flags; the signals that show you might have found one of “the good ones”.

I’ve used dating apps, and I also dated organically, and, unfortunately, overall, my dates showed me more red flags than green ones. But all experiences have value; you always learn something on every occasion.

What I learned was to look out for all the flags, both red and green.

Especially on the first date, it’s important to be alert; it will save you time and prevent you from investing emotionally in someone who’s not worth it.

Green flags are as relevant as red to determine if your date has potential.

I’ve met my partner in a dating app. Since we first talked, I saw in him several green flags. But being one that likes to be on the safe side, only after we met physically, I gave them credit.

Anyone can be whoever they want online. But face to face, it’s a different matter: you sense their vibes, their body language, and their emotional responses. You see them.

Saying this, both red and green flags will come up during the chatting period, some of them, immediately, but only being face to face can you be sure if what you perceived online is true or not.

6 green flags you should value when dating someone new

1. Sense of humour

Having a sense of humour is my #1 green flag. Once, I went out with a guy that online was super funny but in person was the most boring person I’ve ever met; it was a dreadful date!

A day without laughter is a day wasted ~~ Charlie Chaplin

I’m a very joyful person; I always carry a smile, and I laugh (loud) frequently. After two weeks of dating, my partner told me I have three types of laughs: one from the belly, a “witchy laugh” and the “bursting laugh”. This made me feel seen and, of course, that he values a sense of humour.

Laughing and carrying life with a positive posture are my weak spots; if a man shows me that, I’m in!

2. They are active listeners and talkers

I value immensely people’s ability to having a meaningful conversation.

Dating someone who cares about your thoughts and enjoys talking about your interests is precious. Obviously, you should have the same courtesy.

Communication is a two-way avenue. Good dates should actively listen and talk.

For me, it doesn’t have to be a philosophical or deep topic; anything has the potential to become a pleasant conversation. As long as my date shows interest — by asking questions and adding pieces of information to the dialogue — I’m captivated by him.

3. They are comfortable with silence

An extra for me is having someone comfortable with silence. I’m one that, despite loving to talk, also likes quiet moments.

Even on a first date, I sometimes go quiet, to assess my date’s reaction.

The green-flag-reaction might be one of two: 1) my date finds a new topic of conversation, not showing any discomfort in my silence; or 2) he also goes quiet, just looking — not staring — at me. Like me, they are taking their time to assess the energy between us, to let sink into what we’re experiencing.

If, when I go quiet, my date immediately picks up his phone or checks out people around us (meaning, checking out other women), I have my response: he’s not worth it.

I value quality time. That includes constructive conversations, soft and joyful conversations, and moments of silence. If my date doesn’t show he can be still — doing nothing but enjoying my company — I’ll pass.

4. They are reliable and show interest in seeing you

I once chatted with a guy on a dating app that cancelled our date three times.

On the first occasion, he had a good excuse (did he really?). On the second, not so much. Because he was hilarious and a promising date, I gave him a third chance. Guess what… yep, he cancelled our date a few hours before. I didn’t even bother to reply; I blocked him.

All the other guys I dated didn’t cancel on me, and some showed interest in seeing me again soon after. Also, while we didn’t meet, we would talk, either by text or by phone call.

Remaining in contact with you it’s a way to show they enjoyed your company and they are interested in knowing you better. They might ask to adjust the plans, but doing it occasionally and showing you they want to see you again — making space in their lives for the date to happen — it’s no doubt a green flag.

5. They have a hobby they’re passionate about

This green flag was my partner’s idea. He values this a lot, and when we spoke about it, I realised I also value it more than I was aware.

A few weeks after we started dating, my partner told me that me being so passionate about my writing was one thing that captivated him.

The way I talk about my writing and how I organise my life around it was, for him, a sign that I pursue my passions, and that I’m a motivated person.

When you have a hobby or something you invest in, you show you have other interests in life; that you do other things than working or dating; or to spend infinite hours binge-watching on Netflix (which I do, but as an option, not as a lifestyle.)

Having hobbies and passions makes you more interesting, you have more topics of conversation.

It also shows that you like to do things independently from your partner; that you value your “me-time” and, therefore, you are likely to respect theirs.

6. You can be yourself

We all want to cause a good impression on our first date. And on the following ones, if they happen. However, we also want to be loyal to ourselves; to never try to be someone we’re not.

You should ensure your date likes you for who you are, and not by the person you’re projecting. As I’m sure you want the same from them.

Being on a date where the guy doesn’t make me feel bad for laughing loud, for loving dark humour, or not being uncomfortable by me always speaking my mind, is a bright green flag for me.

Being accepted and liked as you are is the top thing you must demand in a relationship.

Your first dates will undoubtedly show you if the person in front of you accepts your personality and how you live life.

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Dating can be a frustrating experience, but it can also be a very pleasant one. You shouldn’t focus on spotting flags, either red or green — you should enjoy yourself.

But this doesn’t mean you should be blind to the signs your date is sending you. And, trust me, they always do. The same way you do.

My suggestion is for you to enjoy your date’s company the best way possible and after, think about how the date went: what was said, the reactions they showed and the outcomes.

No date - or relationship - is red-flags-free, but they must be kept to a minimum and not be a predicament that you might get hurt; like having a narcissistic personality, being a selfish person, untrustworthy,… 

Next time you go out on a date with someone new, check out if they present my top six green flags. If they do, you might have just hit jackpot!

© 2021 Emma London. All Rights Reserved