5 Things Your Introvert Friends Want You to Know

You recognize us. We’re your “boring” friends. The ones most often to reject an invitation for a night out, spontaneously ghost on you for the weekend, and avoid small talk at all costs. We are your introverted acquaintances and because we live in an extroverted society, we are greatly misunderstood by the general public. To people who don’t know us best, we may appear to be incredibly shy, mysterious, or even snobby in some cases. Not to say that there aren’t a number of introverts who actually do possess these traits, however a number of us do not. Here are 5 things the introverted community direly wishes you would understand.

1. You are not obligated to invite us.

Receiving invitations to social events or gatherings are a real drag for us. Even when the host/hostess is a dear friend, the idea of mingling with a large group of people for an extended period of time makes us uncomfortable. As our friend, we understand that you want to avoid hurting our feelings by not inviting us. But we also want you to know that we appreciate the consideration, even though we already know we’re not going to attend. The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. And well, just think about what happened last time. Save the both of us the trouble.

2. The need to “charge our batteries” is very important to us.

After spending a great amount of time socializing, it’s important for introverts to have alone time for recharging. This allows us to relax and recover from social burnout. Everyone finds stimulation in different ways and introverts in particular are stimulated most when alone or in small groups. Loud, congested gatherings drain us quickly. We tend to enjoy tranquil activities—reading, writing, painting, or simply watching television. What matters most is that we are provided a calm environment to find internal peace and recharge from the social exhaustion we have experienced.

3. We are not “boring.”

As previously noted, some of the activities introverts enjoy are quite common; we just enjoy doing them alone or with a small number of people. Because we steer clear of parties and large events, we can often be labeled as ‘boring’ or ‘disinterested.’ It’s not that we are bland individuals lacking individuality or personality. We simply express ourselves in different ways. The introvert in a crowded room of strangers is possibly the polar opposite of the introvert in a group of 2-3 closest friends. We are our best selves when in the company of the few who love us and most importantly, understand us. Take time to truly get to know the interests of your introverted friend(s) and witness your relationship grow even more.

4. Small talk is excruciating.

One of the key reasons introverts loathe parties and large gatherings is because we know we know we will inevitably be forced into small talk. The mundane “how-are-you-and-what-do-you-do” conversations quickly grow old with us and we crave more stimulating connections. We want to avoid the fluff of the exchange and enjoy the opportunity of getting to know someone new. This disdain for small talk can sometimes come across in our initial conversations and leads to the impressions of disinterest, pretentiousness, or shyness. It’s not that we don’t know what to say or aren’t interested in our counterparts. We simply want to avoid the small talk and navigate to more personal topics—subjects that will possibly spark a genuine connection between ourselves and other people.

5. We don’t WANT to nor NEED to be changed.

Because many introverts are misconceived as shy, there is a general tendency to want to bring us out of our ‘shells.’ Our closest friends and family members view our introversion as a personality flaw and see it in our best interest to become more extroverted. Unfortunately, some introverts fall victim to this train of thought and begin to consciously attempt to change their habits, interests, and friends. This is an unfavorable consequence of our extroverted world. But the truth of the matter is that we do not need to change who are. There are many benefits (if not more, arguably) to being an extrovert and we can offer our gifts to society in our own ways. Forcing your introvert friends to socialize or go out more will only lead them to resent you in the end. Allow them room to step in and out of the social arena as they will and they will appreciate your understanding.