5 Communication Habits of Happy Long-Lasting Couples

I used to struggle to communicate my emotions. I’ve spent almost 3 years in a relationship that made me unhappy, and the first time I ever mentioned it to my boyfriend at the time was when I told him that I wanted a breakup.

I thought there was no point in discussing how I feel. My outlook on relationships was that you could either fit or not fit. There is nothing you can do about it, and no way you can change that.

My friends, Angela and Max, the most unfitting couple you can imagine, were the ones that changed my perspective on the matter. When they started dating, their friends (I’m not proud to say it, but that list included me) were betting that they wouldn’t last more than a month.

The reason we were so skeptical was that Angela was a serial dater, and Max never had a girlfriend before. They started dating after kissing at a mutual friend’s birthday party (they both were very drunk), not talking for two weeks after the party, and running into each other in a grocery store.

Their story seemed like a sloppy rom-com plot, but it worked out. Not only it worked out, but they’ve been dating for four years and recently got engaged.

When I asked Angela what their secret was, she said that they tell each other everything. Every little concern they have about their relationship, everything they don’t like about it, every problem they have. The first person they go to talk about their feelings is their partner.

There is a lot that goes into a healthy, long-lasting relationship. No step by step recipe and no one-size-fits-all solution for creating a perfect couple exists. But there are some similarities between couples that last.

Long-lasting couples know the importance of communication in a healthy, well-functioning relationship and are willing to invest their time and energy in a quality connection. They develop a set of habits that help them communicate better and fully understand their partner:

1. They feel the need to be honest

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”

― Albert Einstein

One study revealed that some people lie in 30 percent of interactions with their partner. That is almost a third of the conversations they have with their spouse. But luckily, not all couples are like that.

Long-lasting couples know the importance of trust in a healthy relationship, and they don’t want to compromise it. They believe that they are always obligated to tell their better half the truth.

This goes without saying. They choose to be honest with their partner, and they expect the same in return.

When they want to hide something or not tell the complete truth, they end up feeling guilty and decide to face the consequences rather than hide the facts.

There are types of small lies that can be considered okay. Things that you might tell your partner to prevent them from worrying or protect them from unnecessary stress. But the long-lasting couples can tell these little lies apart from the harming ones and don’t try to fool themselves, pretending that they’re doing the right thing when they’re not.

2. They check in on each other

Long-lasting couples truly care about each other. They don’t just ask their better half about their day and go about their business. They want to know more. How their partner feels, what’s on their mind, and what worries they might have.

They aren’t questioning their loved one to be polite. They truly care about their partner’s problems and sincerely want to help. They feel the need to understand their better half as completely as they understand themselves.

Research shows that active listening has a lot of benefits in our relationships, such as:

• sustaining intimacy
• providing adequate support
• better understanding the partner’s feelings
• encouraging more self-disclosure
• promoting or restoring closeness

Knowing how important it is, long-lasting couples take the time to listen. No matter how long it takes.

3. They analyze their fights

No couple is perfect. Many couples, even the happy ones, have occasional misunderstandings. Some more often, others less. Those misunderstandings might lead to a fight.

Relationship therapists agree that dysfunctional communication is the most hurting and hard to treat a relationship problem. Research shows that the way couples communicate determines conflict resolution and relationship quality.

True long-lasting couples don’t just makeup after a fight and go about their day. They talk it out.

They try to find out the reasons for their conflict and develop ways to avoid similar arguments in the future. They don’t want to repeat the same mistakes and make sure to do everything to bypass them.

They explain to their partner what was going on in their head and why they said what they said or did what they did. And make sure to understand the same about their partner. They put themselves in their partner’s shoes and look at the situation from their perspective.

No couple likes having conflicts, but long-lasting ones make sure to do everything in their power to come out of each argument as a stronger and healthier pair.

4. They support each other

“Surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams, encourage your ideas, support your ambitions, and bring out the best in you.”

― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Long-lasting couples want to be there for each other.

They support their partner’s ideas and encourage them to reach for their goals. They believe in their better half and make sure to let them know that. They are the ones who inspire their companion to try new things, experiment, and find activities that will make them truly happy.

They want nothing but the best for their spouse and strive to help them reach their full potential.

They help their partner become more confident, overcome their insecurities, and become the best version of themselves.

5. They communicate their feelings

A brain imaging study by UCLA psychologists reveals that verbalizing our feelings makes our sadness, anger, and pain less intense.

Matthew D. Lieberman, UCLA associate professor of psychology and a founder of social cognitive neuroscience, says that when we put feelings into words, we seem to be hitting the brakes on our emotional responses in the same way we hit the brake when we see a yellow light while driving.

Talking about our emotions is crucial for our well-being. And there is no better person to talk to about how we feel other than our partner.

Long-lasting couples don’t hide their feelings. They don’t try to analyze them by themselves or discuss them with someone else, especially if it has to do with their relationship.

They communicate all their worries to their better half. They are honest about their fears and concerns and work together to overcome them.

Final thoughts

“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky

No couple is perfect, but long-lasting couples understand the importance of dialogue and work together every day to improve it.

They know that simple things like listening, sharing their emotions, and talking it out can help them resolve conflicts and create a stronger bond.

They respect their relationship and want it to be built on trust.

I believe that both partners’ willingness to work on their communication quality is a great sign of the couple’s ability to grow together and become a strong and lasting team.

Disclaimer: The original version of this story was published on another platform. Link to the original story: https://medium.com/be-unique/5-communication-habits-of-true-long-lasting-couples-b8d35cfeb8bf