4 Reasons for Separating Children from Their Parents at the Beginning of Puberty

Why do the children distance themselves, why does the little one who seemed to love you only yesterday and light up his face when you enter the room, today avoids you, ignores you, and always seems sullen? It can be really painful for a parent, but it is a normal stage in the growth and development of children - there comes a time when he no longer needs you so much…

First of all, you need to know that it is normal, around a certain age, for this to happen: between 13 and 16 years old. Children, once they reach puberty and enter adolescence, distance themselves from their parents and demand their right to independence.

A close relationship, overprotective, and dependence of the child on his parents is not even recommended - he must reach the moment when he can and wants to manage on his own, without parental help and protection.

Why children distance themselves:

The desire for independence. Starting with puberty, it is only normal for the future young person to want to declare himself, to show his independence, to prove that he can do it on his own.

The more you pull him and "suffocate" him, the more he will want to be on his own. He did not take it as defiance, although he may adopt sometimes offensive attitudes - he simply tries to prove and show to others that he has grown up and that he is his own master. If in the family environment, the young person feels too controlled, there are too many rules, this need for independence can give rise even to phases of rebellion, rebellion - violation as a defiance of the rules.

The young man wants you to know that he is no longer a child and that your rules have become exaggerated - he wants to take his life into his own hands. Of course, he's not an adult yet, and you can't talk about leaving him alone, but try to discuss the rules with him and be more flexible - otherwise, you risk losing total control over him. Don't be fooled: extremely strict rules and severe punishments only make the teenager learn to hide from you effectively!

The gap between generations. In some families, it is a real chasm, a big and noticeable difference between the desires, values, needs, expectations of parents and children. In other families, we can speak rather of a "ditch" - there are no significant differences, but the most important remains: it is the very age of parents and children and therefore the mismatches between age-specific behaviors.

You don't understand why he likes the music he listens to, why he wears such clothes, why he stays with his face on the PC for days, why he speaks strangely… There will always be a marked difference between two generations and each new generation seems strange to the previous one. and so on… Remember what your parents thought of you at your child's age… So the teenager and then the teenager feel these differences, feel that you can't understand him and even criticize him.

And the more you tell him you don't understand his preferences and don't accept his choices, the more he feels that you can't understand him and he distances himself. When it comes to new generations, it's best to avoid criticizing those things that don't hurt them: let them choose their clothes, music, books, and don't try to impose too much on them - apart from what it is his duty to learn, to avoid danger, to go to school.

Self-closing. It is a temporary period specific to many teenagers, boys, and girls. If you see that he is more distant from you, but also that he spends more time indoors than outside, with friends, he goes through a period of questions, discoveries, meditation, and reflection on himself. Almost every child who reaches the age of 13–14 will go through such a phase: he begins to ask questions about himself, his life, his purpose, his future, etc.

Although you may think that you can help him with some answers, in general, he has to find his answers. It doesn't bother you unless he comes to you with a question. For some, this period turns into a real philosophical stage - they will read philosophy books and probably listen to music more than strangely, in an attempt to discover the meaning of life. If you do not notice excessively morbid or risky behaviors (smoking, alcohol, cuts on your own body, too many books about death), let him live his life and go through this phase alone.

If he is too withdrawn and not only does not talk to you, but does not have many friends, he follows the signs of a depressive state: isolation from other co-workers, social behavior at school, school problems, daydreaming, withdrawal, and running away from reality - in this situation, you must intervene with affection, but also the severity.

Group of friends. An essential reason and an important answer to the question "why do children distance themselves". Normally, at the age of puberty and adolescence, the family takes second place and the group of friends becomes a landmark and a role model for the child. It is a normal transition and it helps to consolidate that independence.

A child who is unable to break away from his parents and make friends will not do well in life. Friends will become important people in his life, with whom he will spend the most time and will influence him the most. It doesn't stop him from spending time with friends: it's normal to distance himself from family.

You need to make sure that you know his friends and that they are not influencing him in a really bad way: see what kind of group he is part of. There are normal groups of teenagers who also do nonsense (you can't get rid of it completely) - they also adopt defiant behaviors such as smoking and crazy parties; but there are also abnormal groups, in which young people learn risky and deviant behaviors - such as drugs, vandalism, aggression. Ask him out well if he is no longer absorbed in the connection.

You have learned why children distance themselves and that this is a normal stage in their development. After going through the madness of early adolescence, you will find in your child a future adult with whom you will be able to talk about anything again. It can be painful, but you can't stop it from growing and making its own life - if you suffocate or control it too much, you do more harm to it.

You have to accept that at some point your precious and innocent child will grow up and want to "leave the nest" - and the transition period, adolescence, prepares him for his future as an adult.