3 Life Lessons The First Wives Club Taught Me

It’s just a movie from 1996 that has a girl power theme to it. But everyone that has seen this movie takes it for something more then just a comedy movie.

Movies give us a chance to see our perspective shown with some characters, or even getting a different perspective for some thing we never saw before.

First wives club is first and foremost a comedy movie, but the comedy in the film feels nurturing snd relatable and doesn’t take away from the sensitive moments. These women went through a major blindside in their own relationships. That is a relatable factor where a lot of people have been blindsided whether it was a relationship or a friendship or something in business. And it hurts when you get blindsided by someone who you thought you can trust.

Vengeance is the drive for the movie which does make it funny to see how these women went through screwball schematics to get dirt on their cheating husbands. However the plan ends up changing when they get blinded by their own anger and personal issues.

The characters in this film are very layered which makes them relatable. They feel like people we know, and they are common traits that we share with any three of the main women. Annie has problems with speaking up for herself, Brenda has body image issues, and Elise is an alcoholic.

Lessons 1: Sometimes we can’t defend our story from cruel people

These women have problems, and throughout the film there are flaws or problems are pointed out.

There’s a scene near the beginning where the character Brenda is going into a shop with her boss. The scene is an excellent example of self-esteem issues that sometimes it’s not easy for someone to wear it and then they couldn’t fit in before. Brenda is a really good example of body issues that no matter how much you hype someone up, there’s still dealing with all that ridicule they got in their previous image. Even the ridicule that they give themselves.

Brenda coincidentally sees her estranged husband and his new girlfriend. She is immediately mocked by the girlfriend and is told, “why don’t you wear this in YOUR size.”

It was unknown at the point in that film what Brenda’s life was like, it’s only until we see a picture of her on the fridge that Brenda used to be much bigger. The fact that she was shamed for her current weight after all the work she did to get the weight off. Brenda did not say anything, she didn’t have to say to the other character that she worked hard to lose the weight. She did not owe the other woman an explanation but the hurt is evident on her face

Brenda could have screamed at her, or defended herself. But she just stood there speechless that her weight was ridiculed even after all the hard work she did. Sometimes it’s OK to be speechless, sometimes a snappy comeback isn’t going to make the other person take back their comment. Because they choose to dismiss and ridicule, than to be a decent person.

It’s still a heartbreaking scene, but it’s humane that it’s a normal response to just be speechless, to process that emotion. Brenda knows that she’s not the same woman she was before, but she still allowed to feel that hurt.

As long as you know the truth about yourself, and the credit you give yourself, you can still keep going. As much as people are cruel, they can’t take away your truth. They can’t take away your progress.

Lesson 2: Its Ok To Be In Pain

There are many things in movies where people finally come to their common sense and they realize what they’re doing is wrong and it’s not going to make themselves feel any better by giving into anger or going into vengeance to make themselves feel better. But the realization they go through it doesn’t deviate away from how they feel. They don’t just forget about their pain, everyone goes through the process of their pain and what they have to do about it. In many movies Where people realize they’re going through pain, it seems to just be retconned and it’s never really addressed for what’s going on. This movie takes the time to understand the pain of these characters.

There’s a scene where Goldie Hawn’s character, Eloise Elliot goes to the apartment of Brenda (played by Bette Midler). She confesses terrified to end up like their deceased friend Cynthia. It does show more to her character that she is scared to be alone and is willing to change her life. It takes a big person to address how they feel and make that change. Its a great example of communication. Talking about pain is the smallest and hardest sentence.

Lesson 3: Go Global

This movie taught me a lesson on how to change the way I want to get a point across. I don’t have to necessarily give up on my plan, but I can reroute it.

I was abused in my last relationship, Just like these women, I didn’t do anything wrong except just be in love and be devoted. When I saved myself from the hurtful relationship, I felt so much pain, even though I left him I still am going through pain. I had to figure out how I was going to deal with this pain and what I wanted to do about it. And then this movie came to mind, I thought about what Brenda said, “it’s not enough, we gotta go global”

I’m not the only one going through pain from abuse, it wasn’t my fault that I did not know how to cope with the abuse, and how to go on afterwards. Just like in the movie these women knew they weren’t the only ones that have suffered in their relationships. What about the other women that need help?

Thinking on that scene made me realize what I had to do, I had to share my story and reach out to those that have suffered like I did. During the redux process of rewriting my first book, I shared what I learned, knowing that my story is going to help someone else. It became more than just helping myself in my process, I could be able to help other people.

That lesson, has always helped me throughout my teenage life, and then at the worst part of my life. It gives me comfort, and it gives me clarity. That scene may have not been the point, but that’s what I took away from it.

You can take this film for how you wanted to entertain you or what it means to you. To me this movie is comforting, empowering, therapeutic, informative. It’s a comedy that has a lot of emotion and validates that there is no shame about pain.

It’s more than just being a comedy of the 90s.