3 Important Insights that I learned the last 10 years.

by Julia Valentina 3 months ago in advice

Happy 2020!

3 Important Insights that I learned the last 10 years.

Oh wow! We have 2020 now. It’s not only a new year but also a new “century” kinda thing.

I mean, we’re now in the wild twenties, right? ;-) Well, at least that what I heard. In Germany we call them the wild twenties but I also heard the expression “golden twenties”.

Whatever will come, it’ll be a blast. And I’m SO ready for it!

I don’t know about you but my last ten years were a crazy emotional struggle to find out who I am and what I want in life. There have been challenges and highs and lows that tested the crap out of me. But overall it was an experience and I’m grateful to lived through all that.

2010 was a great year for me. I finished my school, moved out and went to Munich to study film and animation on a private school. Gosh, I was so terrified and thrilled.

I couldn’t wait to start, but I was scared of failing. My self-worth and confidence was more like a “fake it and hope no one notices” then a real self-loving confidence.

Now, 10 years later, I’m sitting in Vancouver in one of my favourite cafés and know exactly who I am and what I want.

I’m living my dream and following my passion.

But still sometimes I catch myself to think “Fuck, that’s so crazy … is that really me? Am I really doing that?”

I’ve done a lot of reflecting during December and when I was home for Christmas. Like I said a lot of stuff happened the last ten years and so I want to share my top insights with you. These are things that I learned and experienced though my journey. Maybe they help you or maybe you just know exactly what I mean.

Either way, have fun and a great start in 2020!

1. ABOUT SELF-LOVE AND LOVE

You probably heard people saying:

You can only love someone truly, when you love yourself first.

Have you heard of that? If not, then please think about it for a while. Because it’s more than true. It’s a fact that a lot of people don’t acknowledge.

When I was younger, I always waited for a guy to show up and love me. Because I thought I needed someone else who shows me how to love myself.

I was waiting and hoping, feeling miserable and lonely. Because all my happiness was projected on this “Prince Charming” that might come one day and rescue me from my lonely life.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m a sucker for good romance and true love stories. There are amazing and I believe that there are people out there who are bound by destiny.

BUT this doesn’t mean that you should wait for someone to show you that you’re worthy of love. Nope, that’s not working out. Believe me I tried and it ended in horrible heartbreak and ugly crying with a lot of sugary treats.

The moment I started to love myself and see all the good things about me, my life changed. I wasn’t depressed and lonely anymore.

Of course, that took some time. I’m not saying it happens over night but it’s worth it. Because now I’m in love with myself. I appreciate all the flaws and quirks and I especially love my body.

And I can tell you that it’s one of the best things that could have happened to me. Everything changed to the better.

I mean, I’m still waiting for my “Prince Charming” or more likely my “Superman” to my “Wonder Woman”. ;-) That’s way cooler anyway.

But it’s not hurting me anymore. I don’t feel lonely anymore.

I feel loved and appreciated by myself, friends and family. And if my Superman comes around, then I’m ready for him. Because now I’m able to love myself and I can give him a lot more love and respect than before.

Someone who really helped me on this journey is Marissa Peer. She’s amazing with her movement of “You’re enough”.

2. ABOUT OVERTHINKING AND STOPING YOURSELF

Oh man, I tell you, I’m a massive over-thinker. My brain is restless and relentless. It’s running 24h 7 days a week.

On the one hand that’s pretty amazing but on the other hand it can be so exhausting. Especially, when your brain is in stress and panic mode and you’re worrying about everything and everyone.

When I learned that your brain loves to make assumptions and loves to be in “survival” mode, something clicked in me. So many opportunities and connections went by me because I was too afraid of what could happen. So many things were unsaid because my brain warned me about it.

It can be really annoying and it can stop you. You can be paralysed by it and live your life in fear.

Because that’s what your brain knows!

You would think that after centuries of evolution your brain would know that the we humans don’t survive anymore, but we live. Well, no, it doesn’t. That’s why you need to tell your brain to stop overthinking and worrying so much.

I know, that’s a tough one. Especially for us women, right? We love to overthink and analyse everything. Just to make sure. Just to think about every single option that could happen. I mean, we want to be prepared, right?

Fuck that!

You’re never prepared and you’ll never know what other people might think, if you don’t ask them. Your brain is not all knowing.

Even tough I know all that now, it’s still hard for me to stop overthinking sometimes. Especially, when old thought patterns come up like:

Omg, don’t say that. That might hurt another person and you don’t want to be a bad person, right? Don’t talk to much about yourself, that’s arrogant. Look at these beautiful women, you’ll never be as beautiful. You’ll never be as successful … etc.”

The first step I needed to learn to improve my mental health and my well-being was to be aware of what the hell is going on in my brain.

What is it saying? And why?

The second step is to tell it to stop or confront it. Sometimes a good sense of humour helps, as well. Just find a way to interrupt the pattern and put a new good pattern in your head instead.

It’s hard and constant work. It won’t be easy, I can tell you that. But it’ll be worth it. Because I learned so much about myself and I feel so much better. I feel more peaceful and have a better relationship to my mind.

So stop overthinking and start controlling your mind!

Tony Robbins, one of my all-time favourite coaches, has a great video about it and definitely was a huge help with that.

3. ABOUT BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF

Being true to yourself. That sounds like an instagram quote, doesn’t it? You hear and see that almost everywhere now.

Be authentic. Be true to yourself … yadda yadda.

If you expect me to complain about that, nope. Not happening. I want to embrace it! :-D

And btw I love my instagram quote accounts. So there’s that.

While I was still finding myself during the past 10 years and struggling through life with all its glory and crap, I often asked myself:

Who are you? Who do you want to become?

Because when I moved out in 2010 into a new city where no one knew me, I didn’t really know who I want to be. I knew that I didn’t want to be the girl I was in school. I had outgrown her. I had changed and it was time to become more than her. I know that I felt better leaving my old life but what now?

It took me some time to figure out who I want to become. The woman I want to be. It also took me a damn long time to acknowledge that I’m a fucking writer.

When I think back now, I can just shake my head and sigh:

Duh, it was pretty obvious but okay. You do you.

I still remember, when I decided to call myself a writer. Gosh, this was so scary but it also felt so right. So true.

It resonated with my soul and it still does. I love writing and telling stories. There are so many stories in my head and heart that need to be released.

Stepping into my true self and living it, brought me so much joy. It got me farer and further than ever before. Kind of like Captain Marvel style:

“Higher. Further. Faster, Baby!”

Even though I’ve only living this way two years now, it’s been a blast and I can’t wait to start like that in the new year.

It takes some guts to be true to yourself but it’s the most rewarding way to live. And I wouldn’t want to do it any other way.

So, how about trying to be true to yourself?

For all the fellow writers out there, here’s one of my inspirational videos on writing:

Don’t forget to embrace your weird and stay curious,

Jule

advice
Julia Valentina
Julia Valentina
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Julia Valentina

When I’m not hunting demons with Dean and Sam or looking for hidden treasures with Indiana Jones, I’m writing on stories and geeky, nerdy stuff and sometimes (ok, most of the time) I’m fangirling. But most of all I love to tell stories.

See all posts by Julia Valentina