11/12/2020

You think it would be all peaches and roses living with the man that you supposedly "love", but it's not. He's on his phone a lot, most likely texting other girls. I clean everything, including his clothes, and he almost never sleeps here. Oh, also, he's going back to his wife. I saw all this coming don't be fooled.

He takes me for granted. Some days he'll come home and he won't talk to me at all then out of nowhere try to kiss me and hug me like nothing happened. He'll say the only reason he even talks to me is because we live together even when I'm thinking we're in a good place. For example, tonight he tried to read one of these stories, so I fought with him. I pulled his hair, I yanked his shirt, I did anything I could to get him away from my computer and yet, he still read it. I went to take a shower after and when I got out, he was gone. He came back 4/5 hours later at 9:30pm. He didn't say a word to me and still hasn't said anything to me.

He watched the 1st episode of Orange is The New Black and left to the bedroom. He makes me cry a lot. An example of this would be, the night of New Years he told me his friend was going to come see the place (a girl) and I KNEW I couldn't trust him so I came home (Mind you. I only left in the first place because he sad he was going to his cousins house all night to celebrate new years). He wound up having sex with that girl on the couch while I was locked out. The only way I even "found out" about it (because I already had a feeling) was when I found a condom on the stairs. I sent him a picture and then a video of me ruining all of his stuff.

I tried to leave, but he checked my location and found me at a gas station. I sped off. Long story short, I'm still here. Living with him. He still kisses me and we still have sex. But, at the end of the day, he's going back to his wife in a few months and all I've ever done for us will be for nothing. I'm tired. I'm so tired, but you wouldn't understand our situation... Well... now that I think about it, it's his situation. I've been supporting the both of us while he just gets to hang out, go to work, and waste his money on things, and girls, that he doesn't need.

Writing this is breaking my heart because I'm thinking I'm with this great guy, but in reality... I'm with someone who is using me, and has been using me from the start. Who keeps playing with my heart. I'm tired of feeling this pain in my chest everytime he goes out. I'm tired of feeling this pain when he's on his phone or the new laptop I just bought him to advance in his career. I'm tired of putting my life on hold for these guys who don't deserve me putting my all into them. I'm tired of this BOY hearing me cry and not even apologizing for hurting me so much.

And most of all. I'm tired of hurting the people close to me for this boy all because he says he loves and cares for me when, in all honesty, he's never loved or cared about me. I'm finally going to agree with everyone in saying that he is a Narcissist and there is nothing I can do to change that.