10 Worst Things to Do After a Breakup

Did you know that studies have shown breakups to be more traumatic than dealing with moving your home or losing a job? It's true, and yet, breakups are way more common than either instance for most of us.

Considering how traumatic a breakup really is, it's not surprising that many people don't fare too well with their decision-making skills during their time recovering from one. I ought to know; my breakup reactions make Lindsey Lohan look pretty stable.

That being said, I also can honestly say that dealing with breakups has taught me a lot about the things you really shouldn't do post-breakup. Breakups are normal times to unravel, but that doesn't mean that you get a carte blanche on bad behavior.

Take it from me; these 13 social gaffes are the worst things to do after a breakup, and will really hurt your chances of getting back together with the ex.

Call Bombing

We get it. Oh dear Lord, do we get it! When you just broke up with someone who you wanted to be "the One," your first instinct is going to be to chase after them.

You want to believe that chasing after them and telling them how you feel will fix everything. You want to believe that it'll be like in romantic comedies, where everything just gets better. So, you call and call. You text and text.

Please don't do this. It's literally the worst of the worst things to do after a breakup, if you want to actually get back together with the person in question.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give them time to miss you, and you might see them come back... or you might meet someone better for you later on.

Hurling Insults at Them

This is another common "knee-jerk" reaction. If you literally broke up seconds ago, it's often pretty understandable to want to throw insults at the person you used to date. I understand this because I've been there, and now really regret everything I said.

As much as it may be tempting to tell them what you *really* think about their skills in bed or attitude, it's best to close your mouth. Seriously. Shut your yapper. All those curious and obscure insults won't do you good in the long run.

Saying this stuff will, at best, make you feel better temporarily at the expense of looking kind, sane, or even genuine. At worst, it will seriously hurt your partner and will make them rethink ever going back to you, while also giving them ample reason to paint you as the villain.

Begging for Them to Come Back

Humans are very stupid creatures, and we're often at the mercy of our emotions. The weird thing is that our emotions very rarely actually do well for us, especially when it comes to people skills.

When we feel people pulling away, our first instinct is to run after them. The problem is that being chased by anyone is not really that pleasant. Due to our instincts and the stupid way our brains are, we often will assume that people who chase after us are not worth our time.

Because we have that idea stuck in our brains, we very rarely end up going back to the people who beg for our attention. It's a "push-pull" dynamic that we really can't help. No one wants to have to give a "pity date" to an ex.

That being said, it's pretty obvious why begging is one of the worst things to do after a breakup. It's humiliating, doesn't get you the results you wanted, and kind of hurts your self-worth, too.

Trainwrecking

Public displays of anguish, doing gross stuff, or just being a total train wreck of a person are not attractive. It's also incredibly tempting to do, which is why we often see the very worst of a person's behavior shortly after they're dumped.

Though you might think people understand your reasoning for the bad behavior, the truth is that it still doesn't look good. Most people judge others more harshly than they judge themselves, and you better believe they'll judge (and remember) this behavior.

Unless you want to have the actions of today embarrass you tomorrow, you'll avoid doing this.

Facebook Stalking the Ex

You want to know what your ex is up to, right? Well, Facebook makes it easier to do this than ever before. Unfortunately, Facebook stalking really is one of the worst things to do after a breakup.

I'm not going to say that we don't all do this, because statistically, most of us do search up exes after a breakup. However, this doesn't mean it's healthy behavior. Looking up exes to see how they're doing just makes you feel worse about yourself and makes it harder to get over the breakup.

If anything, you should block them on social media so you can get the space you need to get over the hurt of their rejection.

Asking Others About Them

Tempting as it may be, it only shows how much you are missing them and puts the people you ask in a bad situation. No one wants to have to act as a spy for someone who's grieving a breakup so why put your friends and family in that situation?

I know how hard it can be to control that urge; I've been guilty of this myself. It only will make things awkward between you and your friends, so it might be best to knock it off.

Stopping Self-Care

Believe it or not, most people who are going through a breakup really seem to have a hard time keeping their self-care up. They might stop eating well, going to the gym, and some might even pick up a drinking problem to try to cover up the pain.

If you are tempted to do the same, it's totally understandable. That doesn't mean that you should do it, though. Now is the time to focus on you, and rediscover the awesome that is you.

Losing your ability to care for yourself isn't going to make your ex come back to you, nor will it make your life any better. If anything, it's going to make life harder for you.

Threatening Self-Harm

Nope. Say it like Lana from Archer. Noooope.

If you have to resort to suicide threats in order to get your partner back, your relationship is 100 percent dead. Like, it's dead. Dead, dead. As in, you shouldn't ever go back to that partner, if only for your partner's sake.

Threatening self-harm or suicide is a sign that you're turning to emotional abuse in order to get your way, and that makes your relationship an abusive one.

Sometimes, it's really hard to let go of a person. You need to feel like you're in control, right? Well, the moment that you start threatening self-harm is the moment you put yourself in a horrible position.

Think about what the outcomes of this really are:

• The person stays and resents you, eventually leaving you or cheating on you. No one will continue to stay in a relationship with a person they hate, and if you do this, they will hate you. If others find out, they will also hate you for the way you treat your partner—and rightfully so, because it's abuse. You don't want to be hated, do you?
• The person ignores your threat. This is often the most likely outcome, because most people are aware that abusers who make these threats almost never follow through with them. So, even if you do it, your chances of it succeeding and giving you what you want will not be high.
• The person calls 911 to report your suicidal behavior, and you get sent to holding. Most states will be required to keep you for at least a couple of days. As you can imagine, that's not pleasant.

Overall, this is one of the worst things to do after a breakup—or ever, really.

Compare Yourself to the New Partner

If your ex has already moved on, this is one of those things that's damned near impossible to do. When you see your partner with someone else, it's fairly reasonable to ask yourself, "What does this person have that I didn't?"

Though it makes sense to start questioning yourself like that, the truth is that it probably will not yield decent results. In fact, it can be pretty damaging to your self-esteem and may not really even give you insight on what you can do to improve yourself.

Unless your partner directly told you that they broke up with you over a fault you have, there's really no reason to do this. Sometimes, people just don't fit. It's not your fault if that's what happened, so don't beat yourself up over it.

Letting It Affect Your Life

If anyone has broken this rule in the past, it's me. I have had a tendency of allowing breakups affect my work, my social life, and even my ability to concentrate on menial things.

For some people, keeping your emotions from screwing up your life can be very difficult. Some people, straight up, cannot function while they have a broken heart.

Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that you need to fight the urge to react that badly with all your might. This is one of the worst things to do after a breakup, simply because you're literally ruining your own life by doing so.

By letting your feelings take control, and by acting out this badly, you are causing yourself to experience even more loss. Who knows? Your ex might come back. The job you got yourself fired from after bursting into tears during a board meeting probably won't.

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