10 Things I’ve Learned About Relationships

Every relationship is different, but no relationship is perfect. We ALL have times when we argue. If you say that you both agree on everything and never fight, either you’ve hit the lottery, or you’re kidding yourself. Either way, a relationship takes both partners working and growing together to face the obstacles that life throws their way. I have been with my fiancé—(I can’t believe I get to say that now!!) off and on for 7 years now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but over the years I’ve learned a few things.

1. Never let your anger get the best of you.

This is a big one!! As I mentioned earlier, we all disagree at some point, however it is important to work things out without anger being involved. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done because when emotions are high, we tend to say hurtful things that we don’t mean. When this happens, WE may forget once we have apologized and “smooth” things over , but our partner won’t always forget, even once they said that they’re over it.

It’s important to keep your cool, maybe ask to discuss the situation later and walk away. This is hard for me because I’m not going to lie.. I was a little firecracker, (sometimes still am, and I continue to work on this), and once I got going, it was hard for me to stop. I would throw everything in his face! This brings me to another thing I’ve learned.

2. Let your past stay in the past!!!

Whether it be past relationships, past mistakes, past fights... it doesn’t matter... let it be!!! If you have decided to be with that person, you are choosing to be with their mistakes too. You may be thinking wooahhh Hailey.. wait a minute.. he/she has done some crazy stuff... well guess what that doesn’t mean that you have to like it, but if you are in a relationship with someone you have to be willing to let it go. It’s not okay to say that you forgive someone, and then throw something from their past or y’all’s past in their face. It only opens old wounds, and makes you upset all over again. Your relationship will be much healthier if you make a promise to yourself to not bring up unhappy memories from the past.

3. Be willing to admit when you’re wrong.

This is something I have ALWAYS struggled with in arguements. I’m very opinionated and honestly a little stubborn. My sweet mom went through the ringer when I was in high school, but that a story for another time. Anyways, my point is, we are all human and we all mess up, and it’s important to be able to admit it to your partner and apologize when you do. Sometimes we don’t realize it when we snap at our partners or when we get an attitude. They might say something to us, but we automatically get defensive instead of stepping back and saying well maybe I did overreact and could have made a different decision. We have to learn to take constructive criticism!!! Sometimes we are being told about our wrong actions or decisions out of love because obviously, we love and care about one another, but it is also our job to hold each other accountable. Anyways, It’s also important to put yourself in your partners shoes and to see where they’re coming from. This brings me to my next lesson.

4. Listen

If any relationship is going to make it, it’s going to take both partners taking the time to listen to each other. How can we ever understand what our partner is thinking if we don’t listen to what they are saying? A lot of times in arguments, we forget to listen to what our partner has to say because we’re too busy trying to get our point across, or we are just not willing to admit that we’re wrong. Doing this will put strain on even the most solid relationship. Listening to what your partner has to say, just might open your eyes to a new perspective, or at the very least, it will allow you to see where they’re coming from. It also gives you the opportunity to make your partner feel like they matter. It can even be the smallest of things. For example, my fiancé finallyyy listened when I asked him to stop leaving the toilet seat up.. granted.. I had to fall in during the middle of the night and wake him up screaming, but hey he listened! A big example though is me listening to him when he told me that I tend to aggravate him on purpose when I got upset. I used to ignore him when he mentioned it, but as I matured, I realized that I did do in fact act like a kid. I would say ridiculous things like, “well I guess you don’t love me since you won’t/don’t ..(whatever it was)” when I didn’t get my way. I had to change that, but it took me listening to him to get it done.

5. Be willing to fix it!!

When things go south or when you make a mistake or have a bad habit, you MUST be willing to fix it. When we finally admit that we have done wrong, it’s time to fix it. We can take baby steps if we need to, Lord knows I did, but we have to be willing to work on ourselves and grow. Healthy realationships take both partners realizing that they are not alone in life, and that their decisions and behavior affect other people. We have to be willing to make a change or come to some form of agreement.

6. Love sometimes takes compromise.

As I’ve said a few times, couple don’t always see eye to eye on everything, and sometimes we have to be willing to make a compromise in order for the relationship to last. For example, I cannot stand it when he plays Madden because he stays on it for hours, and if he loses, he gets irritated. Then I get irritated, and it becomes a whole thing. Well, he hates it when I watch my tv shows because “they’re girly” or “not interesting” enough, so we made a deal. When he gets to play the game, I watch my shows. However, I know it’s not always this easy, sometimes there has to be bigger compromises made. He moved to Fort Worth, Denton, and Conroe for me, and in return, I have been from coast to coast with him! We have both had to give up on jobs and time with family for the other person’s job or education. This isn’t always the way it goes, but that was a little bit on my experience with compromising. Willingness to put your partner first is a big step!

7. Enjoy time with each other.

A happy relationship needs nurturing. You both have to keep the romance and love alive and enjoy moments that you have together, especially moments alone. We all get busy with work, kids, family, and just life in general. We forget to take time relaxing off of our phones and away from the hustle and bustle of things to just sip coffee and watch the birds or rent a good movie and lay in bed cuddling. ALL relationships need this quality time together even if it’s just five minutes in the morning before you start your work day or 30 minutes after the kids have gone to sleep. This will keep you both feeling valued, and it will keep you from growing apart. You both need to make time for each other and make the memories count because you never know when it might be your last.

8. Don’t tell everyone about your relationship problems

When I was younger, I used to tell my momma everything. I told her all about my relationship problems, and me being a tinsy, tiny bit of a drama queen... I might have over exaggerated a few things or left out the parts of the story where I acted a fool. Anyways, all that did was make my mom and the friends that I told have a bad taste in their mouth my partner. Even though I would get over it, they wouldn’t necessarily be so forgiving, and when I told them I was over exaggerating it just made it look like I was making excuses or poor decisions. Also, if you talk about your issues between you and your partner and then act like nothing happened in public after you’ve “bad mouthed” them, you just look kinda silly. It’s different to talk to a dear friend or counselor that you trust who you know in your heart of hearts won’t judge or tell anyone, but even then be careful. What happens and is discussed between you and your loved one should 9/10 stay between you and you two.

9. You can never say I love you enough.

This speaks for itself!! Most of us just need a reminder that we are important, valued, respected, and loved. Saying I love you often and spontaneously can help you keep the fire the burning. Shoot a text, say it in person, write in on a card.. it doesn’t matter say it!!! Little gifts, surprises, and notes never hurt either.

10. Always build each other up.

This this this!!!! I cannot say it enough. It is so important to let your partner know when they are doing a good job, and to even just give them compliments when they look really great. This can simply be saying thank you for cooking dinner or taking out the trash! We have to recognize when our other half is making an effort, especially if they’re making a change of sacrificing something for the greater good of your relationship and family. We need to acknowledge each other when when things are going great, but we also have to encourage each other when we fall. A relationship isn’t always 50/50. Sometimes it’s 70/30 and picking up your partners slack while they go through a rough patch. That is what love, compromise, and building each other up is all about! We boost each other’s self-confidence and guide each other through the storms.

I’ve learned a lot more, but these are the main things that I think every couple needs to know! My relationship is far from perfect, but we have grown and made it through some some tough times. With the mistakes that we have made, the knowledge we have gained, and the lessons that we have learned, I believe we can make it through anything.

Hailey Alexandria Baldwin