10 Things I Learned About My Husband That Helped Me to Be a Better Wife

A solid and long-lasting marriage requires a lot of effort and dedication from both partners - something I didn't know about on my wedding day. Back then, I thought marriage would be fun and fabulous, just like in romantic comedies.

But after 32 years of being married and another 20 years of experience in couple therapy, I can strongly say that it is not easy at all. It is not impossible to have a beautiful relationship.

Over the years, I have learned ten valuable lessons from my husband, which have made me a much better wife.

His efforts to solve something are evidence of love

Men like to act. The mere fact that they listen to us and empathize with us does not make them feel effective or helpful.

Instead, the fact that they suggest certain ideas or strategies solve problems is their way of showing love and affection for their spouses.

He needs time to process the discussions

I communicate very well, and my mind is very alert. Instead, my husband is an introvert and thinks very methodically. Just imagine how our conversations unfold.

At one point, I learned that his silence did not mean that he was ignoring me, that he was just processing what I was saying. I learned to wait quietly instead of asking more questions or changing the subject.

It tends to make boundaries

Imagine the differences between waffles and spaghetti. The waffles have small squares, delimited on the whole surface, while the spaghetti is long and connected. Men process emotions one by one, just like the spaces of a waffle.

One morning I argued with my husband, and the problem remained unresolved when he left for work. At noon I called him to see what he was doing after I had been upset all day.

I was amazed to learn that he was not at all upset or concerned about our quarrel. He was present with his mind, body, and spirit there - at work - and he left the "discussion square" unresolved until he got home and we could talk.

He wants me to know that I respect and appreciate him

The fact that I thank him for all the efforts he makes for me and our family, using praise and compliments, shows him that I respect him and that I care about everything he does.

Activities together

He considers that no matter what activity we have together, whether we cook, watch a football match or a movie, it is a precious time we both spend.

I have a different opinion on this, but the fact that we have adapted to his requirements has helped us both to enjoy each other's company.

He can't read my mind

Although this could be an extraordinary superpower for husbands, the only way to know what we think or feel is if we tell them ourselves!

He expresses his emotions differently

We recently watched a movie together and watched her start crying.

He didn't say a word, but I felt absorbed in that story. My first instinct was to want to talk about what happened and find out why it felt that way. Instead, I smiled subtly and held his hand.

He doesn't answer when I tease him

Shocking … isn't it? He completely avoids me if you bother him. If I ask him or remind him, once or twice, it works better.

He doesn't want to be my "best friend."

Two friends can debate a topic at length, but my husband is not my friend.

He prefers the shorter version of events, without endless discussions. The fact that I changed my expectations in this regard and did not look at it that way helped to reduce the tension between us.

We connect in intimate moments

When we have sex, it's his way of connecting with me. Wives usually say, "If we were more emotionally connected, we could be better off in the bedroom."

And men say, "If I had sex more often, I might be able to connect more emotionally." This is one of the secrets that helped me in my marriage. The fact that I understood his point of view and acted as such.