The Sputtering

Letty always loved boating. Her mother had always warned her about her adventurous nature, and the consequences of nefarious thoughts. "What in the hell do you think you'll find in the big city anyway?"

She just shook her head as her mother's words echoed in her mind over and over again. That - and the wheezing noise her mother's voice used to make through the hole in her neck. 'Jesus H Christ, if I could just focus on the task at hand. I might actually enjoy myself this time.'

She closed her eyes as her little outboard bumped its way forward, the mist pleasantly hitting her face. Then the sputtering stopped. She took a deep breath and almost choked on the black smoke that had waffled towards her.

She considered her options. The repeated shouts of shot guns in the distance weren't too comforting, and hillbillies were NOT to be trusted. She had her bikini, her Rambo knife and her wits about her. She knew that if she swam north for about 20 minutes she'd reach her damn mother's long-abandoned cabin.

The swim proved not to be a problem, but the mud on the shore was making life cold and miserable. The huge barking dog some idiot had chained to the cabin's front door pillar (near the entrance) was making all kinds of racket. The only thing that would silence the mongrel would be the presence of its owner.

Then she heard the laughing of the person she least wanted to hear.

"Baaaa-ha-ha-haaaaaa!"

Letty rolled her eyes with eyes closed and let the mud support her weight from the knees up.

"Well, well, well.. if it isn't little Leticia Thompson. I take it you're back from where? Mexico was it?"

"Yes, yes. I'm back from Mexico."

She reached for the dead tree limb that Joseph had kicked her way, threw her flippers towards the cabin, and smiled back at Joseph's shit-eating grin. Then they both made their way towards the cabin.

"Is that your stupid dog?"

"Ah... he's not so stupid."

"No?"

"Nope."

The dog had just sat there the entire time, wagging his tail as the two headed inside. Letty was grabbing what she could to dry herself off: dusty old curtains, dish rags and a roll of paper towels. Joseph, on the other hand was taking off his overall waders, his boots and started unbuckling his belt.

"Listen - I know Mom appreciated everything you did for our family. I don't have any money and you know that I need your help."

"Oh I don't think your Mom appreciated everything. Take my sense of humor"

"Joseph you're scaring me."

"Oh am I now? Now that's funny. Do you know how long I was scared of you because of your mom?"

"Joseph put the cleaver down"

"Oh I will just as soon as I'm done."

One Darth Vader bone crunch and a quick razor-sharp slit to the throat later, and the dog peeked around the corner to make sure the cadaver had already thumped the floorboards.

"Baaaa-ha-ha-haaaaaa!"

"Oh shit dog.... I'm gonna die laughing."

He sauntered over to the chained dog, let him loose so that the mutt could drink from the pool of blood and giggled to himself.

"You know dog... I told you we'd be eating Mexican tonight...where's that dang light switch? Here dog. Here. Look at my eyes when I'm talking to you, stupid dog."

The next day, the pair headed out into the woods to look for trees to chop. There wasn't much talking as Joseph was all business when it came to chopping down trees. He didn't stop until a little old lady approached him to ask a question.

"Well Josssseph... are you shhhhtill scared of that little bitch?"

"No ma'am. not at all... just ask your dog."