I Cower To Thee

My body started to go numb as I entered into a state of panic for, I knew my life would never be the same. It was mind boggling that I ever lived at all up until this point. My life was his to take and torture. He made me bow to him as my hands were tied up behind my back, he was my God and I his disciple. “You are a coward and you make me sick,” he scolded as he spit in my face. He then kicked me with his heavy steel-toed boot in my stomach with as much force as a bulldozer and I went crashing to the cold, hard basement floor with a loud yelp. I started seeing floating specs in my eyes and eventually fell unconscious.

It was what I assumed hours later when I awoke and to my surprise my clothes were off of me, he must have had his way with me while I was out, he was absolutely sick and sadistic. There were bruises all over my body with markings of his large, dirty hands. Why did he have to be this way? I in no way worshiped him and he took that personally for he revered himself as an infinite being. He then made his way back down the stairs. “Glad to see you up sleepy head, you were out for a while.” His smile was the most disgusting I had ever seen on any human. He found this enjoyable. “Why do you have to do this?” I cried out. He smirked devilishly. “Because you made me do this, you caused your own pain by being alive and by being mine.” I thought back to when we met through mutual friends at the bar. He was handsome with the utmost charm and smile that could knock the pants off you, and this is how he drew you in, manipulation by charm. He was a class A narcissist and knew it with such arrogance. He was my dream guy turned worst nightmare.

Weeks had passed by, and I started to wonder if anyone had begun questioning where I was and looking for me. The basement door creaked slowly and revealed him holding a bowl of food, was he finally letting me eat today? He stood at the top for a minute before throwing the bowl down to me like an animal in a cage. “Here, eat up because it’s all you’re getting.” It looked like mashed potatoes and gravy but now was spread on the cold, dirty floor. “You better eat it all too and lick the floor clean, you know I don’t like a mess.” He commanded. For him to not like messes, he kept the basement extremely filthy, but it could have been made this way for my discomfort and punishment. He made his way halfway down the stairs to sit and watch me eat the food he had thrown. “Well, I’m waiting bitch the floor ain’t going to clean itself!” He yelled. I frantically started to lick the floor up taking in dirt, dust, lint, and all other particles that have befallen the floor with my hands still tied behind me. He watched me with a sexual glint in his eye that only meant one thing, he was going to hurt me in a way only he could. “Now look at me as you finish it up like a good girl.” I did as he told for fear of a darker consequence. I cried my way through it as he got up and made his way closer to me. “You are so sexy when you look at me like that,” he grabbed my chin roughly and kissed my gravy-soaked lips. “Please don’t do this, I beg of you.” I was at his will. “You see love begging only makes me want to do it more.” Still holding onto my chin with one hand he unzipped his pants, opened the flap on his boxers and forced me on him. I was sick to my stomach with the act and wanted to vomit. He threw me onto the floor making me hit my head. “You bitch, you bit me!” He was seething with rage as he bent down to slap me with the back of his hand with as much force as he could to knock me back down. “I’m sorry it was an accident, I swear.” I cowered. “You were never really good at that anyways were you.” He chuckled. “I don’t like hitting you love; it’s just you make me angry sometimes and you don’t listen,” he continued. What was I supposed to say to that or any of this? I was completely awe stricken.

It seemed like months had passed as I resided in the basement. Every time I asked the date, he would abuse me and tell me to not ask him anything like that again, so I stopped. It was now about the time when I anticipated my own demise by the hands of him. He started treating me better and cleaning me up and saying things like you’ll be pretty for the press, I promise. To me that meant two things, either he was setting me free or he was going to kill me and dump my body somewhere to be found. With him I knew it would be the second option for he didn’t want anyone to have me. I was now going to die in the hands of my ex-lover never having loved a single soul again.