Godzilla vs Kong

Honestly, my bar was pretty low for this movie. It was not met.

BTW SPOILERS AHEAD

You've been warned.

I went to a special 4D theater to watch this movie, because the theaters are starting to open up again and I cannot not go. I have an HBO account on my TV but I wanted to go out.

I don't need a reason.

Anyway, I enjoyed Godzilla: King of Monsters purely because it had King Ghidorah and I love dragons. Plus the CGI was pretty cool to watch unfold on the big screen.

So, I went to see Godzilla vs Kong.

Personally, I was rooting for Kong. I love that big ape so much. Kong: Skull Island was the best monster movie of the decade. Hands down. Fight me.

I'm the a huge Godzilla fan but I respect a franchise that has maintained a healthy superstar status for the past 70 years. My Ex was obsessed with it and so we watched ALL THE MOVIES. Even the one with Matthew Broderick.

So, I found a new appreciation for these films in my own way.

As I sat in the theater with an order of popcorn and a bubbly water, I was ready to be entertained.

I was to an extent entertained, like a peasant in the Colosseum in Rome. I loved Kongs friendship with Gia, a little deaf girl who is a lone survivor of the tribe from Skull Island. Kong just wants a place to belong and be free to roam.

Meanwhile, Godzilla is just being an Alpha D*ck.

Not in a good way.

I mean come on. They gave Godzilla a mild and somewhat endearing nature in the first two movies. I suppose. I mean, to me, he was just re-establishing his ownership of the planet. A primal and monstrous pissing contest, if you let me be so blunt.

So, honestly, I think it should be exceptionally obvious to the audience that "Kong: King of Peaceful Alliances with Good People" would be a better Alpha than "Godzilla: King of Nuclear Waste".

Gotta love that tagline though

"What is a King to a God?"

Damn, that's a good line.

And you'd think that a Skarsgard would be able to play a likable character. Oh my giddy aunt, he's somehow boring as a good guy. I liked him better in the Stand as the literal Devil.

I honestly can't remember another character besides Gia that I liked.

I love Madison aka Millie Brown, or Eleven from Stranger Things, she does have a great character arc. I'm just really confused as to how a ~15ish year old has so much freedom from her father, Mark? I mean, first he lost his son, then his ex-wife and daughter get kidnapped by an eco-terrorist group, then he learns they willingly awoke King Ghidorah, then his daughter runs away to trap Ghidorah, THEN he and his ex join forces to find the daughter, THEN the ex-wife sacrifices herself so they can get away.

And he's just totes fine with her disappearing with FireFist from Deadpool2?

He texts her a few times asking where she is. The film doesn't show him calling or driving around looking for her or trying to track her phone. Nope. They just show one scene of him texting her "where u at?" and she's in another country caught in the middle of a Titan Fight.

I feel like they could've done more to show that he actually cares what happens to his only child.

Kong had way more concern over Gia than Mark had for Madison.

If I had missed ONE TEXT from my mother at that age, she would've tracked my ass down to the other side of the world and dragged me back home by my hair.

Of course, we don't live in a world where giant Lizards and Moths constantly duke it out to rule over us mere mortals.

All in all, I was pretty underwhelmed by this movie, but I still find it entertaining and the effects are pretty cool. There's a lot of callbacks to other movies. One of the first shots reminds me of Katniss shooting at the dome in Catching Fire and there's a few times where I thought they stole scenes from like Jurassic Park and Transformers and Journey to the Center to the Earth other pop action movies but not really other monsters in the Universal Universe.

Had this movie not been offered in 4D, I would not have paid to see it. I started to watch it at home and got the same feeling I got when I watched Zack Snyders full cut version of Justice League: sleepy.

So, if you're prepared to leave the house and see literally any movie, first I'd recommend watching "Nobody" with Bob Odenkirk. It's amazing and action packed and best movie released this year so far. If that movie is sold out, then you can settle for Godzilla vs Kong.