Where are you from?

“Hi, can I help you with anything?” - I say to a customer who just entered the store. She makes a face and I know right away what she’s going to say next. Most times when I start talking, people make the same face before they ask…

“You have a very strong accent. Where are you from?”

“I'm from Poland,” I reply, ignoring the part about my “strong” accent.

More faces.

“Your accent is very strong. You haven't been here for long?”

I’m shocked. This time it’s me making a face. My eyebrows rise when I say:

“I've been here for a few years.”

“Oh, it's very strong... I like it,” but somehow from her tone and all the faces she just made at me, I don’t believe her.

If only I got a penny every single time someone asked me this magical question... When I worked at the boutique, I used to hear it at least 3 times a day, sometimes 3 times an hour if I got “lucky”. Wherever I go, whenever I speak, people want to know where’s my accent from. It might surprise you, but I'm kind of tired of answering the same question over and over again.

Most people who ask me this question don’t even speak another language, but somehow they think it’s appropriate to point out that I sound a bit different than them. After my parents paid thousands of dollars for me to even have the opportunity to learn English, after I have spent half of my life learning how to speak it fluently, and then the last couple of years practicing my writing skills just to be half as good as native-speaking writers… I truly believe that English is now my first language. I think and dream in English, I talk to my dogs and cats in English, and yet, almost every single day people remind me I’m not a native English speaker. I would give anything for a day when my accent doesn't matter.

Maybe you'll think I'm crazy, but I don't see why it's okay to ask people where they are from, right after hearing their accents. It's basically pointing out that we don't belong. That we are different and for some reason it needs to be the very first thing brought up in a conversation with us. Also, no offense but do you really think you're the only person who's asking us that question? If yes, you are very naive. If not, why do you keep on asking?

Imagine doing the exact same thing but based on people's looks or other characteristics. Would you ever come up to an Asian person and ask:

“Oh, your eyes are shaped differently, are you from Asia?”

or even better

“Your skin is dark, did your family come from Africa?”

If anyone is ever that ignorant to ask those questions, of course, it’s considered racist. So how is asking about my accent just after I said “Hi, how are you?” an icebreaker instead?

I understand that sometimes it's supposed to be a compliment. At the same time, we don't come up to girls with nice boobs and ask them where did their big boobs come from their mothers or maybe too many carbs? It's probably something out of their control, something that they can't change about themselves, and it's also none of our damn business.

Answering the same stupid question every single day, sometimes a few times a day simply gets old. It's annoying and frustrating and it just keeps on happening. Yes, I have an accent. Yes, I wasn't born here and yes, my life is probably way more interesting than yours. No, I do not want to talk about it with every stranger, every time I dare to open my mouth. Sometimes I feel like even my hi has an accent.

I pray that one day people will stop asking me THE question but I also know that most definitely I'll be answering it for the rest of my life. I'll also be confused with being German, French, Dutch, Norwegian, and occasionally even Russian. On the good days, I'm simply "European". I get Australian from time to time too. My favorite times are when I am suspected to be Irish or British. While those people clearly have no idea what they are talking about, it's a bit of a compliment.

So let's turn this rant into a purposeful message. If you ever meet a person with an accent, don't ask them where they are from. Most certainly don't ask where their accents are from. Don't tell them they are not from here. Trust me, they know. If they tell you they are from Virginia, don’t ask them where they are REALLY from.

And oh, dear lord, I'm begging you, do not ask us to say things in our mother tongue. Trust me, it’s not a good pickup line, and it’s not a fun drinking game. We are not your free entertainment. If you want to know how to say something, google it.

Believe me, if we ever want to share our stories or cultures with you, we will!