Green Card Marriage

It's been almost 12 months since I started my Green Card process. Well, actually it's been way longer than that but officially, after collecting all the documents for about 5 months, my husband and I applied in May last year. There are so many appalling things regarding this whole process that it's really hard to know where to start. So let's begin with the fact that you read it right, it was my husband and I applying, not just me. While my husband is American, born and raised in Virginia, I am an immigrant. Once we got married a bit over a year ago I had to apply for a Green Card in order to live with him in the same country. As you might think, how could anyone refuse me living with my husband? Well, the USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) most certainly can. Not only that but for me to stay in the same country as my loved one, he needs to become my 'sponsor' and prove that he can 'afford' me living here.

I really hope that just that one paragraph left you shocked and disappointed with the American immigration process. I was too at the beginning. I came here as an Au Pair, to live in childcare and I was planning on staying in the US only for a year or so. I had big plans and dreams but basically instead I fell in love and decided to settle in America. Little did I know how difficult my life was going to get. I hated the whole process so much that I even wrote a book about it. To be honest it wasn't really good so I followed up with 5 reasons why I do not like my own book. The point is I had my chance to vent about it so why this article?

Lately I got a confirmation of my Green Card interview and I proceeded with a few steps that I had left in order to prepare for it. Since I moved recently and acquired some new friends they have been shocked every single time I mentioned what I had to do in order to be able to stay here. By stay here I mean, live with my husband and our fur children, hang out with the friends I love and work the job I got fully on my own and have been crushing since day one. To many people all of the above are just basic things anyone can have. To me it's not a right, it's a privilege. What's worse, people make fun of those "European or Latino chics" who find husbands in the US just to stay in the country. They don't realize that staying here is not as amazing and easy as everyone might think. So why did I come back to writing about my Green Card Marriage? Because these are the things I'd like every American to know:

1. Being Married to an American Person does not Provide with a Citizenship or Whatsoever

I think what strikes me the most is how people assume that since I married an American person, I got a free citizenship right away. They couldn't be more wrong! Getting married to an American person guarantees ONLY the right to apply for a Green Card. Note, not a citizenship but a Green Card. You may or may not apply for a citizenship after a few years but that is only if you stay married to that person. The idea of marrying and divorcing as soon as possible is just not realistic. Unlike citizenship, Green Card expires and might not be renewed if you don't fit into their requirements so marrying a US citizen might provide you only with a temporary right to live in America unless you stay married together and have proof that you are together (see next paragraph).

2. You need a proof that you are actually in love

How to prove we are in love?! You ask. Well, have you ever seen The Proposal? While they got some things wrong (Their timeline is way off! There's no way to get an interview within days or even weeks! Usually it takes about a year since applying) some things are sad but true. There is, indeed, an interview where you have to prove that you are in love. They ask you a bunch of questions like, what do you like doing together? or whatever... and they expect to see based on those answers whether it's a real relationship or a stereotypical Green Card Marriage. On top of that they want photos, date receipts, vacation bookings, joint bank accounts and all that. Apparently that is what defines a real relationship!

3. It's EXPENSIVE

Applying for a Green Card is not cheap at all. Let's start with lawyers who I knew instantly were out of our budget. An average immigration lawyer charges around $3,000 per case and might charge more if needed. Personally, I went with an online company that helped me with the process for a flat fee of $700. I also paid over $1000 plus a bunch of other fees but as of now only the government filing fee is $1,760 on top of that there are other steps they require you to take like a medical exam that I'll mention in my next paragraph or an assessment of your high school diploma. I did have a high school diploma translated beforehand for college purposes but the immigration office needed me to pay extra $150 to their approved agency that would confirm that my Polish high school diploma was a high school diploma. With a certified translation it was over $200. After that we get to the next part that's worth up to $750 or more... medical exam!

4. Medical Exam

Another thing that my American friends were shocked about. You do need a medical exam to be a legal permanent resident in the US. Just today I had a pleasure of paying $295 for some bloodwork and a doctor signing my immigration documents. But hey, I was lucky! As an Au Pair applicant I had to go to the doctor and get them to fill out my vaccination record. Another lucky coincidence, at that time I was living in London so all of my records were very clear and in English. If I didn't have that, and just like most of the immigrants I'd have a messy vaccination record from my home country in a completely different language, they would charge me extra $250 and send me to get all the necessary vaccinations that would have probably cost me a little fortune as well. I got so lucky but as far as I know most people need to pay the full price and get the vaccinations no matter if they were vaccinated earlier or not. Unless they have readable records, they have to pay A LOT.

After my doctor's visit my mum asked me: "But what if someone has health issues? They won't get a Green Card and can't live with their spouse just because they're sick?" . I don't know mum... I guess they can't.

5. You can't leave a country until THEY say so

That's right. For about 12 months since getting married I was not allowed to leave the country. If I did, they would simply cancel my application. That's not the case for every immigrant, each person is different but it is something that happens to a lot of us. Not being able to visit your friends and family with all the stress this process causes, you might as well add therapy to the Green Card expenses.

6. Job is not a right, it's a privilege!

I saved 'the best' for the last. As an immigrant you might not have a work authorization. As an Au Pair I could work only for the program and as soon as I got married I had to quit it and I lost all of my rights. I didn't have a legal right to work nor could I expect it any time soon. It was exactly a year after I lost my ability to work in the US when I got my work permit from the immigration services. A YEAR with no legal right to work. I don't know how about you but while my husband has a well-paid job and we can't complain, he most certainly did not have means to pay all of our bills and basically support two people on one salary. Meanwhile, the USCIS wanted me to prove I was employable and wouldn't 'burden' the country with my presence. That I would be a profitable addition to the society. While I am incredibly resourceful and I got a great job as soon as I got my work permit and worked on a side beforehand... I know that many people can't say the same thing. What bothers me is that being newlyweds is hard enough. Being just married during a global pandemic was even harder. Why would the immigration system add a stress of not being able to provide for the family to it? It's like deeming young immigrant marriages to failure.

I mentioned most of the above in my book but today I just felt the need of putting it out there and making people realize that romanticizing the Green Card Marriage stereotype must end. It's not funny nor romantic. I mean, my husband became my SPONSOR! The whole process has cost my relationship so much stress and anxiety that no one can really imagine. I was not allowed to get a stupid driving license for 9 months after getting married, just because I didn't have the right paperwork (the documents that the USCIS takes about 4 months to send). I couldn't legally work so I had to take a job at the pizza place that I was highly overqualified for. Then I was told by my lawyers that if I kept the job I could be denied the Green Card (which basically means I wouldn't be able to live with the love of my life).

I'm not naive enough to think I can change the immigration system in this country. I'm not expecting people to suddenly welcome all the immigrants from all over the world with no rules or regulations. However, I do feel like we all deserve better. We, immigrants, deserve to be able to work and provide for our families as soon as we start our marriage. We should not have to 'prove our love' to some clerks in order to live in the country of our loved ones. We should be able to leave the country and see our family during this stressful and exhausting process.

I haven't seen my family in almost two years because of the immigration process followed by COVID. The borders have been closed for 12 months now and I feel like I'm losing my mind from not seeing the ones I left behind. Still, no one has ever considered adding immigrants who have their families abroad to the priority list for vaccinations. I got married out of love and the desire to spend the rest of my life with that one person who happened to be American. What I did not expect was losing all my rights and liberties along the way.

These days... I'm better now. For the first time since I got married I feel kind of like an average person. I have a family I adore, a job that I mostly love but sometimes hate and never ending bills to pay. I do have an upcoming interview that will require me to prove the love for my husband, but hey, normal is overrated!