Did You Know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month AND Domestic Violence Awareness Month?

I know that few people are actually following along with me on this blog, but if you read my last story, Did You Know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month AND Domestic Violence Awareness Month? then you should now be well aware about Breast Cancer, that October IS Breast Cancer Awareness Month, how to do Self-Breast Examinations, and more, courtesy of research conducted by The American Cancer Society, the CDC, and The National Foundation for Cancer Research. That being said, it is ALSO Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic Violence (DV) is something I THOUGHT I was far too familiar with. To one degree, I am. While many brave women have come forward to share their stories regarding being raped or molested - the form of DV I am most well acquainted with - using the contentious and popular #METOO platform, for me, it's something I really don't want to talk about. However, I promised to write a story, and I intend to deliver. Formatting be damned!

So WHO Decided to Make October Domestic Violence Awareness Month?

According to the University of Minnesota's Aurora Center for Advocacy & Education, Domestic Violence Awareness Month or DVAM, "evolved from the 'Day of Unity' in October, 1981," and was, "conceived by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence [with] the intent to connect advocates across the nation who were [are] working to end violence against women and their children."

What IS Domestic Violence?

According to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, or NCADV - a public policy office located in Denver, Colorado which, "collaborates with OTHER national organizations to PROMOTE legislation and policies that SERVE and PROTECT victims AND survivors of domestic violence [and seeks to] work to CHANGE the 'narrative' surrounding domestic violence..." Domestic Violence is DEFINED as, "the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of POWER and CONTROL perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. This includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse." [NCADV.org].

The actual DATE upon which Domestic Violence Awareness Month was declared is not clear from my personal research, though Google searches seem to agree that Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) was launched in the 1980's. The NCADV dates DVAM as beginning initially in 1987. This information is a bit irrelevant to me, personally. DV is a silent pandemic that has been occuring to men, women, and most tragically, children, around the globe since the beginning of time. I find myself weary to even write about this topic, given that I myself DO NOT want to be considered an abuser by using this platform to share my personal stories and experiences with DV. It's been awhile since I've experienced the many times I've been raped, beaten, hit, shoved and/or blamed for being raped and/or physically assaulted. I'm no longer angry with what has happened to me IN THE PAST. However, I DO remember the more TRAUMATIC incidents quite VIVIDLY. To this very day...

Enough About Me Though... Let's Raise Some AWARENESS with a FEW STATISTICS...

The NCADV goes on to list some HAUNTING statistics. In 2010, according to research conducted by the CDC, "On AVERAGE, nearly 20 PEOPLE per MINUTE are PHYSICALLY abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During ONE year, this EQUATES TO MORE THAN 10 MILLION women and men." The NCADV website goes on to report, that, "1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience SEVERE intimate partner PHYSICAL violence, intimate partner CONTACT SEXUAL violence, and/or intimate partner STALKING with IMPACTS such as INJURY - including DEATH from homicides - FEARFULNESS, POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD), USE OF of 'Victim Services', which are underserved and overwhelmed, CONTRACTION OF sexually transmitted diseases, etc." This research is provided by the Department of US Justice. Unfortunately, it does not specify how many CHILDREN or TEENS are victims of DV, nor can their data account for the MANY victims of domestic violence that DO NOT press charges, contact law enforcement, or utilize "victim services". WHERE, exactly, this data is collected from, and HOW, is also unclear. However, I want to be VERY CLEAR that I'm NOT a college-educated journalist, and DO NOT have the same research credentials someone with a Doctorate of Journalism would...

So What Do All These Different Terms MEAN?

This is where doing an article on DV becomes particularly difficult. There are many different forms of DV. It's not the stereotypical, media-driven idea of a man slapping a woman, like so many movies back in the day feature. Nor does it stop - or start - with just men and women. "IPV, or Intimate Partner Violence, occurs across all genders, ages, races, and occurs in both heterosexual and non-heterosexual relationships," according to the CDC. As you've read above, there is Intimate Partner PHYSICAL VIOLENCE, which the NCADV reports, "1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of PHYSICAL VIOLENCE by an intimate partner [and] INCLUDES A RANGE OF BEHAVIORS (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases MIGHT NOT be considered domestic violence." The CDC states that an, “ 'Intimate Partner' refers to BOTH CURRENT AND FORMER Spouses and/or Dating Partners." The CDC goes on to clarify that PHYSICAL IPV, "is when a person HURTS or TRIES TO HURT a partner by hitting, kicking, or using another type of physical force." This can, tragically, include firearms. SEXUAL IPV, is forcing or attempting to force a partner to take part in a sex act, sexual touching, or a non-physical sexual event (e.g., sexting) when the partner DOES NOT or CANNOT consent. Stalking - another form of IPV, according to the CDC, "is a pattern of REPEATED, UNWANTED attention AND contact by a partner that causes FEAR or CONCERN for ONE'S OWN SAFETY or the SAFETY of SOMEONE CLOSE to the VICTIM." The CDC finally concludes, on its' "IPV Fast Facts" website page, that,"PSYCHOLOGICAL AGRESSION, is the USE of VERBAL AND NON-VERBAL communication - remember that it is estimated that anywhere between eighty to ninety percent of ALL communication IS non-verbal - WITH THE INTENT to harm another person MENTALLY or EMOTIONALLY, and/or to EXERT CONTROL over another person."

POWER AND CONTROL - THE CENTER OF THE CYCLE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE...

While there are many helpful and informative websites you can access online for information regarding domestic violence - as you can see from my Google research above - one of the most popular referrals for victims of DV made in America is to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, whose website, WWW.THEHOTLINE.ORG states, "The Hotline is a leading resource to provide audiences with important information and data about domestic violence and services to access safety from abusive relationships from anywhere in the U.S. and its territories, available 24/7 in more than 200 languages. All calls to The Hotline are confidential." You can call their hotline at any time, by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You can also text "START" to 88788 to text one of their highly trained advocates, or visit their website to chat online with someone, if you are concerned about yourself AND/OR someone you know, or suspect, is suffering from a potentially violent domestic situation. I want to make this VERY CLEAR. These hotlines are NOT ONLY for individuals who are struggling themselves, but also for people who are CONCERNED about the welfare of others! YOU NEED NOT BE A VICTIM YOURSELF TO ACCESS THESE RESOURCES! If you see something, SAY SOMETHING. It's better that you REPORT what you observe to someone, confidentially, or anonymously call your local non-emergency police number, and ask the police to perform a routine welfare check, than to simply dismiss your suspicions altogether. This is ESPECIALLY true, to me, when CHILDREN are involved. I'm not advising people to begin SPYING on their neighbors, surreptitiously, and making unnecessary calls to these people, who are already very busy. This is especially true if you are trying to use the police to gain leverage in a child custody case. Making FALSE allegations of abuse is not only a waste of time and resources, but it makes YOU look bad.

As For the Power and Control...?

Thehotline.org states, "Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control." Their website, and many others, use a wheel diagram developed by, "the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, MN." to visually demonstrate the cycle of domestic violence. Thehotline.org states, "The wheel serves as a diagram of tactics that an abusive partner uses to keep their victims in a relationship. The inside of the wheel is made up of subtle, continual behaviors over time, while the outer ring represents physical and sexual violence. Abusive actions like those depicted in the outer ring often reinforce the regular use of other, more subtle methods found in the inner ring." At the core center of the ring are the words "POWER" and "CONTROL". At the top you see the word "VIOLENCE". If you read the ring clock-wise, starting at the top, next to the word, "VIOLENCE", to the right, on the outside, is the word "SEXUAL". The inside of the ring is sliced up evenly, like a pizza, and begins with, "Using Intimidation" and gives examples, before moving on to, "Using Emotional Abuse". As you continue to circle down, the wheel progresses to, "Using Isolation" then "Minimizing, Denying and Blaming". It is here, at the most southern tip of the wheel, you again see the word, "VIOLENCE" on the outside, again. To it's right, the word, "SEXUAL". On it's left, things become MORE violent and dangerous, and you see the word, "PHYSICAL". The inside of the wheel moves on, continuing with examples, to, "USING CHILDREN" and as you begin to move upwards, clockwise, you come to, "USING MALE PRIVILEGE" though, using privilege is sufficient, as a domestic violence situation can involve a woman using her DOMINANCE or PRIVILEGE to exert control and power over her victims. The wheel then ticks upwards to "USING ECONOMIC ABUSE" followed, finally, by "USING COERCION AND THREATS" which is outlined by the word, "PHYSICAL". You can - and should - actually use this link below to examine the diagram and its' full explanations for yourself at: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

What About Teens and Children?

I want to be clear that domestic violence is not only something that happens between two ADULTS in a relationship of sorts, but that teens and children - FAR TOO MANY OF THEM - are INNOCENT victims, as well. The NCADV reports that, "1 in 15 children are EXPOSED to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence." Thehotline.org reports that, "Children who EXPERIENCE abusive situations are FORCED to process COMPLEX emotions, often WITHOUT access to the resources THEY NEED to do so. Planning for your children’s physical and emotional health is ESSENTIAL for their short-term and long-term wellbeing, NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY ARE." The CDC reports that, "Child abuse and neglect are SERIOUS public health problems and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE's) that can (and do) have long-term impacts on health, opportunity, and wellbeing. This issue includes all types of abuse and neglect against a child under the age of 18 by a parent, caregiver, or another person in a custodial role (such as a religious leader, a coach, and/or a teacher) that results in harm, the POTENTIAL for harm, or THREAT of harm to a child." The CDC goes on to report, "Violence against children and youth is COMMON globally. An estimated 1 billion children - HALF of ALL the children in the WORLD - are victims of violence EVERY SINGLE YEAR." The CDC also reports that, "Youth Violence is a SERIOUS public health problem [...] that can have LONG-TERM impacts on health and wellbeing [and is defined by the CDC as] the INTENTIONAL use of PHYSICAL FORCE or POWER to THREATEN or HARM others by young people ages 10-24. Youth violence CAN include; FIGHTING, BULLYING, THREATS WITH WEAPONS, and GANG-RELATED VIOLENCE. A young person can be involved with youth violence as a Victim, Offender, or Witness." The NCADV reports that, "The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation INCREASES the risk of homicide by 500%," and that, "19% of domestic violence [situations] involves a weapon." The CDC goes on to report that, " Children and youth often experience MORE THAN ONE form of violence. Homicide is the THIRD leading CAUSE of death for young people ages 10-24 and the LEADING cause of death for non-Hispanic Black or African American youth. Every day, MORE THAN 1,000 youth are treated in emergency departments for physical assault-related injuries." The CDC also notes that, "Sexual minority teens are MORE likely to experience MULTIPLE FORMS of violence compared to their heterosexual peers [and that] youth violence DISPROPORTIONATELY impacts Black or African American youth and young adults... Black or African American youth and young adults are at HIGHER RISK for the MOST physically harmful forms of violence (e.g., homicides, fights with injuries, aggravated assaults) compared with White youth and young adults." [CDC.gov].

So What Can We Do About Domestic Violence???

The "good" news about DV is that there ARE many things we can ALL do to help PREVENT it! It starts with "Raising Awareness" but DOESN'T and SHOULDN'T end there... or at the end of this month! There are many resources online you can access for information, like the NCADV.org and The CDC.gov. For IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE, don't forget www.thehotline.org, who have trained advocates standing by and available to assist anyone, 24/7, via ONLINE CHAT at THEHOTLINE.ORG, by texting "START" to 88788, and whose phone number, is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You can also look up RAINN.org - The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - who states they are, "America's largest anti-sexual violence organization [and is] in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country, and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense, as well as carries out programs to PREVENT sexual violence, HELP survivors, and ENSURE that perpetrators are brought to JUSTICE." You can ALSO call RAINN, 24/7, at 1-800- 656-HOPE (4673) or visit their website, RAINN.org to chat online with their team of, "experts and professionals".

Finally, you can be AWARE and INFORMED of the signs of domestic violence/abuse. Visit these resources, and, as I ALWAYS ENCOURAGE, do your OWN research! Be INFORMED of the signs and traits of an ABUSIVE INDIVIDUAL, which the NCADV warns, "ANYONE can be... They come from all groups, cultures, religions, socioeconomic levels, and backgrounds." This means,"they can be YOUR OWN NEIGHBORS, PASTORS, FRIENDS, RELATIVES, CO-WORKERS or even your child's TEACHERS [...] It is important to NOTE that the MAJORITY of abusers are ONLY violent with their current or past intimate partners. One study found 90% of abusers DO NOT have criminal records and abusers ARE GENERALLY law-abiding outside the home!" The NCADV goes on to report that , "There is no ONE typical, detectable personality TRAIT of an abuser. However, they do often display COMMON characteristics." Additionally, the NCADV.org reports that, "Abusers often times DENY the existence, or MINIMIZES the seriousness of, the violence and its' effect on the victim(s) and other family members. They often objectify the victim(s) and see them as their property or sexual objects. They are noted to have low self-esteem and feel powerless and ineffective in the world. They may APPEAR successful, but internally, feel inadequate. They often blame their violence on circumstances such as stress, their partner's behavior, a "bad day," alcohol, drugs, or other factors, and MAY be pleasant and charming between periods of violence. They can often be seen as a 'nice person' to [people] outside the relationship." The NCADV lists the following as, "SOME but NOT ALL of the 'Warning Signs' of an abuser with the following list of 'Red Flags'... Extreme Jealousy , Possessiveness , Unpredictability , Bad Tempered , Abusive to Animals , Verbally Abusive , Display Extremely Controlling Behavior and Antiquated Beliefs about Roles of Women and Men in Relationships , Force Sex or Disregard for Their Partner's Unwillingness to Engage in Sexual Behaviors , Sabotage Contraceptives , Blame their Victim(s), Sabotage or Obstruct their Victim's Ability to Work or Attend School, Control a Victim Economically, Control How a Victim Dresses and Behaves, and may Demean their Victim(s), either publicly or privately..."

In Summation...

Personally, I believe it is of greatest importance that we ALL be informed of what the signs of Domestic Violence look like on its' most innocent victims - children. According to The National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence, children that are exposed to, or are suffering within, situations of domestic or sexual violence may be, "unusually irritable, have difficulty sleeping, be aggressive, withdrawn, suffer from developmental delays, have poor motor skills, suffer from anxiety, nightmares, lack bladder and/or bowel control, be fearful of new tasks, suffer educationally by having poor grades, or dropping out of school altogether, have violent outbursts, become runaways, suffer from headaches, stomach-aches, ulcers, destroy property, suffer from low self-esteem, guilt over caring for their home and/or abuser(s), grief, and abandonment issues." I'd also like to note, that in SOME situations of abuse, only ONE child is singled out for abuse, while the rest are treated "normally". This is one tactic some abusers use to CONTROL the other children by instilling FEAR into them. This sounds strange, as the common perception of abusers is that they abuse ALL their children, but singling out one or two children to inflict severe abuse upon, gives abusers a feeling of POWER. They CONTROL their other children by showing them what COULD happen to them, if they disobey their orders or rules, by lavishing the other children with attention, food, special "rewards" and is more common than one would think.

Can We All Just Take a Break and Trick-or-Treat Now???