The Cost of Winning

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Unless of course you have been live streaming your entire experience via satellites back to Earth, so people can laugh at you when you accidentally drop a cup of hot coffee in your lap. We are supposed to have gravity locks in place but every once in awhile there’s a glitch and either your food ends up floating off the table, or you end up in the air. When the gravity lock regains power, you or the food, fall. Makes for great entertainment back on Earth. I’m sure the stadium of people watching the Jumbotron during half time enjoyed that scream.

As I rinse myself off and change into another standard issued white cotton jumper, the stream jumps to another contestants room. This game show seemed like a great idea when I signed up. Free trip to space. See the moon from your window. Compete for $10 million dollars and an Eternal Life Program. I mean, I would have been happy with just the money, but who doesn’t want to live forever? Even if it’s just an upload of your personality and memories into an AI. It’s still cool.

Through the personalized device on my desk, shaped like a robotic cactus with eyes and a smile that’s almost creepy, the morning message plays out. “Attention players, please report to the Red Room for todays challenge. Bring a weapon of choice. Medical kits are not allowed and will automatically disqualify a player if brought for today’s challenge. And remember, Live, Laugh, Love, and Fight to the Death.” Great. I open the closet designated specifically for weapons. Gun. Sword. A half melted shield. Cross bow. Spoon. Such archaic choices. They really do want us to die up here.

Sometimes choosing the weapon is harder than the battle. The last challenge, we were allowed to bring the medical kit. The only reason I survived fighting an alien that was bullet resistant, spit acid, and apparently hated karaoke. Who knew one of the contestants had a nervous tick where he starts singing a horrible drunken version of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”. Right when he went to hit a high note, the alien’s head exploded and acidic alien blood rained down. Unfortunately only three of us had brought shields and the guy who sang was not one of them.

Spoon. I’ll go with spoon. If there’s one thing I’ve learned the past week being here, nothing is logical and everything is unexpected. Keeps the ratings up.

As I enter the Red Room, I suss out the competition. I guess no one knew how to use the medical kit besides me. Glad that one year of med school paid off. Only two other contestants left. A female in her early twenties who believed her obsession with anime would somehow help her, and a middle aged man who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger around the end of his political years. They both brought the cross bow. Damn.

The screen at the front of the room plays out three minimal details about the next alien. A 7-foot-tall Reptilian Human-noid hybrid. Found on the forever night planet, Gillian. Its large eyes help it hunt its prey in the eternal darkness, with its only light source coming from the 3 moons that surround the planet. I mean, at this point I would like to just quit but they won’t allow it in the game. Quitters get live stream tortured and honestly I think that’s worse than being eaten by an alien. Plus I need the $10 million to pay off my students loans for that year in college.

We take the elevator down to the battle floor. As soon as we walk into the dimly light arena, the cage door lifts on the other side. A low guttural purr comes out of the dark. It’s almost soothing, cute. That’s probably how it kills its prey. Not gonna fall for the purr.

Back on Earth, a group of preteens take bets on who will win. A guy in a bar opens his mouth in disbelief as a cigarette drops out and falls into his beer. A college girl storms off in the middle of arguing with her boyfriend as he ignores her to watch the battle on his device. Life on Earth seems so simple right now.

The middle aged Schwarzenegger and anime girl start shooting crossbows into the dark. It doesn’t take long until Schwarz is K.O. Anime girl manages to get a good shot at the creature's neck. Unfortunately for her, it still manages to eat her. Shame cuz she was cute. I’m next as it comes after me. I stab it in the eye with the spoon as it throws me across the room. Suddenly the alien goes into convulsions and just, dies. I'm confused but really thought this was gonna be more epic. Or at least last a little longer. What boss is killed in under two minutes? Who designed this game?

“Congratulations, you have won. The last alien species had a severe allergy to lead. The spoon you used had traces of lead from a factory on Earth due to failing to meet environmental code. Good job on completing all of the challenges here on ‘Surviver: Space’. You will automatically receive $10 Million in your bank account. You will also receive your Eternal Life Program membership. Please return to your room and prepare for home.”

I began packing the few belongings I was allowed to bring with me from Earth. A picture of my cat, Mustache Man. A notebook where I had journaled my thoughts for the past few years. That weird robot cactus which grew on me. The production team said I could keep it. As I continued to pack, two humanlike AI open the door of my room. They don't like to be called Robots. “Hello human. We will be administering your ELP before your departure back to Earth. Please take a seat and we will begin your Eternal Life Program procedure. This will only hurt for a moment as your human body dies from the poisonous gas we have released into the air in your room. You will then be uploaded into your new custom AI body, as per the fine print in your contract. Once again, congratulations on your win. We hope you enjoyed playing, as much as we enjoyed watching. And as always, Live, Laugh, Love, and Fight to the Death.”