Little Black Book

It was time for me to go, not just go away for a little while but forever. I could hear the voices telling me that everything about my family was wrong and everything I am is going to change the world. Where would I even go? I felt hopeless that my family will never accept me as the chosen one, so I believed I was because the command hallucinations pretended they were Godlike and informed me that I was to become someone else. I kept a journal in a small black book to understand the delusions that were going on in my head that I could not control. I told my mom I was the chosen one and had to fight Satan. She looked at me with confusion and horror in her eyes. As my dad woke up from his sleep, he asked what I meant. I repeated myself, “I’m the chosen one and had to fight Satan from you guys” He looked at me the same way my mom did. Then, I knew they wouldn’t understand.

Journal entry #1

July 6, 2018

I woke up in a hospital not knowing how or why I was there. Yet, I know these people here are evil and must be stopped. I can hear a girl screaming and I must help her. The voices tell me the Devil is talking to her. I go up to her considering I’m the chosen one. I’m the only one that can save her. She gets upset and I realize that it is too late for her, the voices tell me you can’t save everyone and the people there are already far too gone you must escape. I listen to what god has told me and I decide to do everything I can to get out of there. My mom calls and I beg her to get me out of here. Luckily, she’s a sympathetic person and she says she will do what she can, but I must stay there for now. I take the time to write my girlfriend a letter explaining who I am to her. She must know so that I can save her from Satan. She must fall in love with me to follow God and eventually turn into an angel like myself. It is a hard task but someone has to do it. I must write her a letter explaining who I am and maybe she’ll get it and fall in love with me. How could she not I’m the chosen one everyone loves the chosen one.

I began to roam around the hall of the psych ward still not knowing where I was. Afraid of the people there, I didn’t know what to do. So, I went back to sleep in hopes that it was all a dream. I couldn’t sleep and there was screaming and people staring at me all day and night I didn’t know what to do. With fear in my heart, I just went along with what they did there waiting for my mother to come rescue me. I eventually fell asleep due to the need for sleep, I had not rested in 72 hours. It took courage to muster up the idea that where I was, was necessary with no clue to how or why I got there. I went to the tv room where about five of the patients were just sitting there watching the news. I sat down and I heard the voice again it told me my mom was there and she scared of me. So, I went out into the hall and looked around with no one in sight. I went back to sit down and started journaling again.

Journal entry #2

July 7, 2018

I miss my girlfriend. I know she’s Satan’s daughter, but I have to love her anyways. I must explain to her how I’m the chosen one and she will fall in love, who wouldn’t. I wonder where my mom went, she must be hiding somewhere trying to find the courage to see me. I don’t know why she would be afraid of the chosen one. I’m here to protect her and my family from Satan. Shouldn’t I be seen as a god. They should be worshipping the ground I walk on. I must stay humble like Jesus was. It’s time for the woman to take control of the world. I think I’m Mary Magdalene getting revenge for not being in the bible and being seen as a prostitute. The end is coming I must finish gods work.

As they call my name to go eat, I feel courage to do the duty that was set upon me. That is what I thought. I must help those who are following the devil and listening to his voice. I can hear him in my head I must take it away from them and fight Satan for everyone I love like Jesus did. How can I do this when they have the devil surrounding them. I must fight them with my mind it should easy to fight them since I’m a beautiful woman reincarnated. I’m special this is going to be easy. I can hear the girl yelling at the devil in her room I must help her. I approach her as she is extremely agitated, and I ask her if she’s okay. She gets really upset and tells me to leave her the fuck alone. I get scared that the devil has taken control of her mind. I realize it is too late for her and walk away.

Journal entry #3

July 8, 2018

I don’t know if my mom is going to come and rescue me from these people. They seem so evil and I don’t know how to save them. God keeps telling me to save them, but I just don’t know how. He seems so angry about the world and how it’s turning out. He yells ate me and its scares me, is this really the god I’ve always wanted to know? He’s telling me who is evil and who I should fight. Am I a prophet? I must be a prophet what an amazing thing to be. I must succeed in the duty’s god has planted upon me in order to prosper in this life.

I hear my name being called and I stop writing out of fear. I don’t know what they want from me, but I must be brave enough to go and see what is going on. I get told to go into the room with the tv and there is my mom sitting there waiting for me. I’m happy to see her and I tell her this place is evil. She immediately asks me why I think that, and I tell her they yell at Satan here. She looks at me with disgust. I immediately get defensive and tell her that my dad raped me. She gets frustrated with me and tells me it’s not true. I have no recollection of my dad doing so but the voices told me that he did, and I believed them. Therefore, I believed him to be the devil and that he was out to get me. I have no idea what to do or where I want to go.

Journal entry #4

I don’t know why I’m back home. I was supposed to go back to Satan’s daughter house and defeat her. My family are psychopaths and sociopaths, they must be stopped. I must stay here and fight them. I still don’t understand how I’m going to do that. I received $20,000 dollars in the mail before I went to the hospital people were stealing from my identity. I think my identity thieves are my girlfriend and best friend they are both evil too, I must figure out how to stop them from taking my life. I must confront my girlfriend and let her know I’m not afraid of her. She must love me, but I don’t want to kill her. That’s not what god wants, he wants her to fall in love with me so she’ll stop following Satan and that will allow god to defeat Satan. I’m the angel of Gabriel living on this earth.

My girlfriend tells me she’s coming to visit me, my mind starts to race. What am I supposed to do if she doesn’t fall in love with me? what if it’s the end? How do I fulfill my purpose? Help me.

She pulls up with my stuff and gives it to me. I ask her to stay, my thoughts race. She is leaving me. I have failed god. I must die now. Its time for me to go. She yells in my face “You have schizophrenia!”