Fixed Star

Up is up and down is down, right? North, South, East, West are fixed, aren’t they? And Right and Left have always been where they are, haven’t they? It is, it always has been, hasn’t it? I am just not so sure anymore. Something has changed. Let me explain…

I was born in late winter of the year Nineteen Hundred and Seventy-Seven under a Pisces moon. It was mid-morning in the south and the sun was shining, and the weather was beautiful. I was born at home. My mother said I was a tiny little thing with jet-black eyes and dark fur along the edges framing my small body, with a dusky-ruddy hue to my newborn skin that would not wash away. I was a little-angel-darkling.

If I had been born only three days earlier, I would have been born under the sign of Aquarius, the water bearer. It was the Chinese year of the Red-Fire-Serpent but, just six days previous, the transitioning zodiac had moved out of the influence of the Purple-Fire-Dragon. I am fortunate enough to have been born with the lucky numerology numbers five, two, three, and four and in Native American astrology I came into this world under the sign of the Western Eagle, the Thunderbird. My Astral Colors are pink, violet, and maroon and my Spiritual Gemstones are amethyst, moonstone, and chrysolite. My Rising and Moon signs are both in strong-centered-earthy Taurus so I am stubborn and strong-willed, while my North Node is in Scorpio, so I love fiercely but my love has a sting. In classical Victorian astrology my Venus sign is in Aires the hotblooded warrior. In Vedic Astrology I’m born in the days of the Meena whose first Hora is the Carp and whose second Hora is the Narwhal, while in the sacred astrology of Africa, I was born under the auspicious sign of The Wealth of Amber and Silver. My Luck-Tree is the apple, and my Symbolic Flower is the pansy.

I am ruled by Fire, but a child of Water. In my deepest parts Earth is rising, but I am always on the cusp of Air. An ancient-fiery-scaled-thing roils inside me just below the surface like both, a sparkling fish flashing through the silver sea, and a smoke-rumbling-passionate-mount of hot-ashen-volcanic-intuition waiting for its time. These things I know. They are inscribed in the firmament of my being from the moment of my birth. I exist because they are, I am them and they are me, in this world, and in this lifetime. These are the shining specters that heralded and ushered me into existence at the moment of my first breath. At least,..that is what I used to believe.

When we meet at a party or in a coffee shop for the first time, we say to each other “What is your sign?”. We know that Scorpios and Aquarius do not mix but we also know that Rooster Year and Dragon Year are good companions. We hear that a beautiful woman born in the Year of the Snake is said to be ‘mi-bijin’ and we know that neither the Tiger nor the Sagittarius will ever truly be on our side. We are cautioned to avoid the water born or ‘they’ll drown you’ and to watch out for the fire born or ‘they’ll burn you up’, and of course, that Virgo, ‘they’ll pick you apart with logic and criticisms’. At least to one degree or another, across the whole world, these types of old ideas move us and lubricate our interactions and connections with others like archaic psychology and ancient charms. It has always been this way.

But then one day…

I learned about the Sun, the Earth, the planets, and other stars in a community college astronomy course. I discovered that the Earth is 4.5 billion years old and is spinning on its axis at a whopping one thousand miles per hour. I was taught that the earth is travelling around our sun at over 66,000 miles per hour and the planets and the sun itself are all hurtling through the void of space at over 43,000 miles per hour. The other stars, which are all unfathomable distances from us, and our Milky Way Galaxy itself, are moving at an astounding 483,000 miles per hour, give or take.

I learned how all the things we knew about the world outside our earth and our solar system, until recently, are from analyzing the light we see from far away places. I read that humans are only capable of visually discerning a small sliver of the spectrum of light that exists without assistance from technology. I was taught that light travels at the unimaginable speed of 670 million miles per hour and in one earth year, light will travel 6 trillion miles. I discovered that anyone looking at the earth through a telescope from our nearest star system, over 4 lightyears away, would be looking at a vastly different, much younger earth, void of humans. It blew my mind that the science of astronomy and analyzing light from the distant universe is like backwards-time-travel and we could never really know, in real time, the happenings in these distant locations with our current technology.

I read that the iron in our earth and the iron in our blood all came from exploding stars that died hundreds of billions of years ago and none of our existence would even be possible without their endlessly ancient sacrifice. I was taught that there is no fixed direction in the void of space. North and South are meaningless terms and neither up nor down have fixed orientations. Left and right and other directional delineations have no meaning outside our earth unless its relative to our location and perspective. I learned how small and insignificant we are on our tiny mote of dust in the vast void of the universe.

In classes on Anthropology and History I discovered that our modern history barely goes back a few hundred years and that ancient history only goes back to the invention of writing systems and agriculture about 5,000-6,000 and 10,000-12,000 years ago, respectively. Everything else is considered pre-historic. I was taught that modern homo sapiens have only been around for about 200,000-300,000 years; that’s us. Dinosaurs died out around 165 million years ago. The average human lifespan is only 60-80 years. Did I mention that the earth is 4.5 billion years old?

Being lucky enough to take religion and philosophy classes, I learned about the progression of human thinking and the belief systems we create, and the rise and fall of their influences as civilizations also rise and fall. I was taught that specialized groups of elites within the hierarchies of these cultures usually control and dictate these beliefs and ideologies to drive the social and economic structures therein and maintain their status and power over the masses. Religion, Astrology, Numerology, Philosophy, and other certain predictive rituals and mystical means have traditionally been used in some form to do so.

In a psychology course I was taught about the Barnum Effect and how human nature makes us believe certain esoteric information and descriptions can be attributed to an individual even though these delineations are often vague and generic, like in astrology. We, as individuals, will even personally examine and reexamine our experiences to find ways to make these recountings true, to make them fit. I learned how we can all become self-fulling prophecies if we repeatedly perceive a label or hear a description of ourselves enough from others. I discovered that we all project our internal self onto our perceptions and descriptions of others based on personal perspectives and experiences.

I’ve learned so many things. Things have definitely changed. One day, while I was learning all these things, I realized that I prefer oranges and limes to apples and that I liked carnations and roses far more than I like pansies. I decided I would much rather wear a ruby or an emerald in my jewelry than an amethyst or moonstone and that I really like brown and blue better than pink. I hope I keep learning more, about everything. I really like knowing that there’s no ‘up’ in space.

I’m beginning to understand how little I know; how little humans know. I remind myself of this daily. I want to discover more about why we as humans think what we think, believe what we believe, and do what we do. I want to know more about our universe, and our planet, and the history of our life here on it; and maybe where we might go when we finally lift off from it. I need to know more because, I was once a fixed star; I expanded my horizons and changed my orbit. We do not need to limit ourselves. We have been here for such a short time after all. We have so much more to learn.

When I meet someone new at a party or a coffee shop now, I still sometimes ask them what their sign is. It’s a good icebreaker. I have fun with it and still remember all the things I used to think I knew; connection is the goal no matter the subject-matter. It is always a delight when the conversation steers into history or astronomy or anthropology though. I would much rather speculate about the origins of the universe, what dark matter is, or about life on other planets with you than hash out how mercury retrograde is wreaking havoc on your love life and travel plans; though I too, was once also born, under a Pisces moon.