You Like That? Fetishes Explained.
We're all a bit freaky, but why?
Ah, the fetish. That peculiar quirk that does it for you in a very special way. Most of us know what a fetish is, but like most things in life, they can span most of the spectrum, from the everyday, to the extreme.
Psychologists still aren't completely sure of why we have fetishes, and while some may be a result of past trauma, most are perfectly normal and develop from a wide variety of things from our childhood and adolescence. Just as none of us look the same, our sexual peccadilloes are equally diverse. Whether or not we have a fetish at all, how arousing it is to us, and how important it is for us in our sexual behaviour is a very individual thing.
But why do we have fetishes? What is about certain things that do it for us in a way that nothing else quite does?
Let's take a look at the most popular fetishes out there...
Clothes and Lingerie
This could be anything from an interest in anything from high heel shoes or the look or feel of certain fabrics to an interest in bondage wear and corsetry. These types of fetishes are very common and span everything from the softly sensual, to the bizarre and extreme. But hey, if it's not hurting anybody and everyone's okay with it, why not?
Breasts, Booties, Feet, and Other Body Parts
While some people just love their partner's body, for others it's a particular body part that drives them wild. At the more extreme end of the spectrum, some will insist on only being with a partner who satisfies that very particular body part attraction.
Bondage, Dominance, Submission and Sadomasochism are all common fetishes, especially in a world post-50 Shades of Grey. Being tied up and dominated is a common fetish for both men and women. The desire to be dominated has been shown to be common in people with very stressful lives, who often have many responsibilities in everyday life. The opportunity to relinquish that power in the bedroom can be a powerful stress reliever. Meanwhile, those who enjoy being in control and are generally extrovert in nature and relish the opportunity to take on the role of being the one in charge. According to TopEscortBabes, dominant and submissive roles are the most requested services with their escorts (based on over 10 thousands escorts!). So clearly, this is a fetish people seek!
Voyeurism is one of the more common, but less discussed of the fetishes.
Guys who fantasise about watching their partner with another man are called 'cuckolds' and their masculinity is somehow questioned, yet taking part in sexual activities such as dogging, where strangers meet to watch unknown others have sex is almost mundane. This is a 'fine-line' fetish, where, assuming everybody is aware of what is happening it's perfectly fine, but engage in it when somebody isn't, and you could find yourself in trouble with the law.
Another common fetish. Teacher/student, doctor/patient, repairman/housewife... you name it, there's someone that's into it and a porn movie that's been made about it. And why not? There's nothing wrong with a little bit of healthy escapism from our everyday lives.
In more recent years, this has gone from being strictly taboo to almost standard bedroom practice, again, most likely due to the amount of pornography that contains it. It only becomes an issue when it's that, over everything else in bed, or one partner isn't into it as much as the other.
We are living in an age of open relationships, multiple partners and other, non-traditional relationships, and society is undoubtedly a better place for it. If you have a voyeuristic streak and wish to share the love, why shouldn't you? Just like all the good things in life, fetishes, when taken to extremes, can be troublesome and prevent you from forming other meaningful relationships, or take over too much of your time. Of course, if you have a fetish that you find troubling, you should consider seeing a therapist to help you to work through any bad feelings that your fetish creates.
Rules for Exploring Fetishes:
Communication is absolutely fundamental. Discuss your fetish or fantasy beforehand. if your partner isn't comfortable, then it's off the table. No taking them by surprise here. Always discuss things afterwards and check in to see that everyone is feeling okay about things. Always, always have a safe word that stops things immediately, and respect it. And of course, be sure to practice safe sex, especially if you are involving people from outside of your usual partnership.