What stripping on camera taught me about men, sex, and vanity

Background

If you have read some of my articles on this subject, you will know I started webcamming in my late thirties as a side hustle to research my debut novel and earn some extra cash. At that time, I had never taken so much as a selfie and my Facebook profile picture was of me aged five.

I webcammed intermittently into my early forties and during that time I also sold subscriptions on OnlyFans, created and sold video clips and tangibles e.g. used panties. I turned down multiple paid offers for sex, or sexual acts. I am also very ordinary.

Here are the ten things I learned.

1. There is no one perfect body type that you should aspire to. Men have their own tastes and plenty of men love curves. Plenty of men like older women. Plenty of men like skinny women. There are men that have a specific type of woman in mind and there are men who just know they like it when they see it. There are men who just appreciate the female form. Don’t try to curate an image of someone else’s perfection. Just be you.

2. Some women can be cruel and competitive to their own kind. Sometimes your foe can come in the guise of a friend and that friend is female shaped. Not every woman will genuinely have your best interests at heart. By all means trust people that come into your life, but do not beat yourself up if someone makes their own insecurities about you and you have to withdraw that trust.

3. A certain kind of man will prey on your insecurities when things don’t go their way. Even when I was at my lightest weight if I did not do what a man on webcam asked, he would often call me fat or ugly. They may choose to behave that way, but it is my choice whether to believe them. Hold onto your own self-image, and don’t allow a predator the access to impact it.

4. Many men (and women) have a rich fantasy life. Consider how you might feel if that fantasy life was outside of your comfort zone. Would you rather they were honest or would you prefer to live in blissful ignorance? A lot of guys contacted me wanting to role play fantasies where I was a relative (which was not something I was ever comfortable with). Other guys wanted to be dominated. I watched a guy have sex with a vacuum cleaner and another insert a cucumber up his bottom then put it back in the fridge for his wife to use. Do you know your man’s inner world and do you want to? Understand yourself and what your limits are before you try to understand him.

5. Men don’t need you to wear six inches of makeup and to be immaculate in order to want you. I webcammed in a vest top and no make-up. Most men wanted a nice smile, a bubbly personality, and body confidence. They want a sexy person to talk to, who is not going to recoil when they tell them what turns them on.

6. Have fun with it. Experiment with your look, be less self-conscious, be playful. The ability to laugh at yourself and to laugh with him is sexy. Don’t take life and yourself too seriously. Goof around. Many women are drawn towards a man who can be funny. Men are often drawn to that same trait in women.

7. Men don’t want an intelligent woman. This is a myth that seems to have been perpetuated by a handful of men and a lot of women. It is not true. I have a university education and spoke to men on a variety of subjects while undressing. The truth was, they loved it. Many men are irritated by stupid women.

8. Don’t focus on aesthetics and surgery to improve your outside appearance when it is your inside that needs the work. Most men do not see those perceived flaws you are obsessed with. Even if men have noticed, the chances are they don’t care. Work on your inner world first, before looking to your outer one.

9. Don’t be afraid to trust. It can be easy to be cynical if you have been hurt before and all you seem to date are a succession of one-dimensional players and narcissists that want to take everything while giving nothing. Dating is a numbers game, particularly when doing it online. Put the apps away and go out into the real world. It might surprise you.

10. Do you suspect he is cheating on you, or has some other kind of sexual secret? You may never know the answer to this question, and you may never need to. If you do not trust him, ask yourself honestly why that is. That is the only answer you will ever need.