Welcome to the Friend Zone

She didn't put you in the friend zone – you did.

Many men who are physically attracted to a woman end up exactly where they don’t want to be in said woman’s life. Welcome to the friend zone.

For the most part, this is a matter of poor communication; Think about it- it’s not that you have a sticker on your forehead that reads ‘FRIEND’ … though it often feels that way.

The problems usually stem from the very first interaction with a woman you really like. You like this girl so much but believe that she’s out of your league, so you don’t pursue her initially. Instead, you reason that if you engage with her for long enough and demonstrate what an awesome guy you are to her that eventually she’ll choose you or at least give you a clear sign that the attraction is mutual.

The trouble is that you haven't made it clear that you’re physically and emotionally attracted to her, and frame your requests to meet-up as a casual ‘hang out’ instead of an actual date. This means she has no reason to see you as anything other than a friend.

More often than not, a woman's developing attraction will depend on your behaviour and the way she perceives your interactions. So if your interactions communicate ‘friend’, don't expect her to conclude otherwise. Then–just your luck–some other guy will come along and make a more direct play for her, and before you know it you’ll be meeting her new boyfriend (who’s probably a real dick).

Day One Strategy

To circumvent this common pitfall you need to make sure that when you meet a woman you’re attracted to, you indicate that she's a 'love interest' from day one. This means that in your first communication you need some acknowledgement of the fact you find her attractive; this doesn’t need to be anything too heavy, rather something as simple as, ‘I just had to come and say hi to you,’ or offering a compliment like ‘you’ve got a great energy,’ or ‘I like that you’re so ambitious and have a great smile.’ The best flattery is straightforward and most importantly, honest. Don’t compliment her like you’re her mother-in-law with remarks like, ‘I really like the pattern on your dress it brings out your eyes…’ Rule of thumb: if her best friend or a relative would say it, then you shouldn't.

Likewise, your first meeting must be an explicit date. Say, ‘I’d like to see you again…’ and if she asks, ‘for a date?’ don’t be afraid to tell her that absolutely, it is.

Remember that it's perfectly fine if her attraction to you takes longer to evolve than yours did. so don't be discouraged if she indicates initial uncertainty about a date-date. Wait it out a little before you back down and feign acceptance of the friendship you know you don't want. Be respectful, but persistent and say, ‘let’s just meet for coffee, and at the end you can decide if we like each other enough to call it a date…’

Communicating your intentions from day one will keep the hope for a relationship alive, and encourage her to view you as boyfriend material instead of mentally banishing you into the ‘just a friend’ zone.

If you come to discover that there is no sexual tension or chemistry, it is often a smoother transition to go from casual dating to friendship rather than the other way around. If you’re a close friend, she’s going to fear losing a valuable relationship if she allows things to become romantic and things go sour.

The thing about the friend zone is that the longer you’re in it, the harder it is to get out of. If you’re reading this, you have enough female friends and are not looking for more. So it’s time to start communicating your true intentions to the women you like and get yourself into the boyfriend zone.

Meet more women - find out how by getting Hayley's free cheat sheet on meeting women in real life at http://hayleyquinn.com/approach.

how toadvicerelationships
Read next: 9 Non-Pornographic Films Starring Pornographic Actresses
Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is a TEDx speaker, author and Founder of www.hayleyquinn.com. Her dating skills training teaches men and women to become more empowered in love.

See all posts by Hayley Quinn