We are the Ones Who Determine Our Sexual Worth

My mother never sat me down to discuss birds or bees. She brought me up from my babysitter's place on a very difficult day for her. For the millionth time, I inquired as to how babies are created from my vehicle seat.

"A guy puts his penis inside a woman's vagina," she yelled at the top of her lungs, instead of lying about some type of bird delivery.

I was in kindergarten at the time, so her remarks had no impact on me. My inquiry was still unanswered.

My buddies and I were playing on the monkey bars at recess while they were discussing what sex was when I was in third grade.

Yes, a man's penis does occasionally enter a woman's vaginal canal, but it's more than that. They defined pleasure as an activity and a goal. They informed me that if I was inquisitive enough, I could just Google "sex.com" on my foyer's common family computer.

They did not, however, explain to me how to clear my search history or that sex is a taboo subject.

At an early age, I discovered not just pornography and how to reproduce, but also masturbation.

Surprisingly, when I poll my current acquaintances in their twenties, the vast majority of them also found masturbation during their pre-adolescence.

It spans from "I was attacked at X age, so it doesn't count" or "it was a cliche, after my senior prom" to "I still haven't had sex, I'm not sure why" for their first time having sex.

These responses never cease to fascinate me - the hesitancy and confusion surrounding children's and young adult sexual practices have remained almost unaffected.

So, what exactly is shame? Does it differ from person to person?

We think that, like other things, sex should be taken in moderation as a society. We place higher importance on abstinence or love-first sex than on the belief that we deserve to be sexually stimulated.

Shame is a complex concept that includes signals from a variety of sources, including religion, our parents, our cultures, and our communities. Shame, like the sentiments that it is based on, is frequently hidden.

Humans prefer to avoid discussing sex unless it is done through the prism of judgment, which dehumanizes the act. The differing viewpoints on sex work are an illustration of this. Slurs are used to dehumanize sex workers by taking away their ability to experience pleasure and portraying them as non-human in their activities.

Gender and sexual orientation connotations just add to what sexual shame is and how it is felt.

The fact is that we develop our narratives about sexual practices. Consent is something we grant, rescind, and deny to ourselves. Sexual shame may be unlearned through time, and everyone can achieve sexual liberty.

Not wanting to have sex at all, your partner not wanting to have sex, or not caring whether you have sex again are all major warning flags.

If you can't recall the last time you and your spouse were intimate (such as kissing or holding hands), or if you feel distanced from one another, Levkoff advises, you should be concerned.

"It's time to check-in," she says if any of this happens. And, if you feel like you’re just not speaking properly about the issue or it feels hostile or unhealthy, you may need to consult a therapist who can assist advise you on how to get through it.

Disclaimer:

The information in this post is for educational purposes only and does not represent financial advice. Never put money into something you can't afford to lose. Make your own analysis.

Please accept my apologies for the article's lack of sophistication. Please accept my apologies if it upset you.