by O 2 years ago in sexual wellness

And why need to stop making it sound bad.


I don't understand why people make such a big deal about maintaining or the lack there of maintaining your virginity. Over the last few days I've come across multiple articles talking about people who didn't lose their virginity until their later years or still haven't. In these stories, the adjectives sad and lonely always seem to be paired to them and I'm over it!

If you've read my Young and Out of Love series of word vomit, you'll know that I'm not a virgin anymore. I haven't been for a couple years now. However, I was still a "late bloomer" in that aspect of my life, not losing my virginity till I was 20 years old.

And that's not a bad thing.

After all, it wasn't like this wasn't a option for me. In the course of my high school career, I had five boyfriends. Each one loved me more than I loved them and I know for a fact that at least three of them wanted to see me with my clothes off. But I never wanted to be intimate with any of them in that way.

I will admit that there was embarrassment once I left high school and the conversation of sex would come up with my new university friends. It wasn't entirely because I was a virgin though. I wasn't uncomfortable in informing them that I was a virgin. I was uncomfortable with not being able to relate to what they were talking about in those conversations. Which is a discomfort that still exists when they talk about things that I haven't experience. Wild one night stands or engaging in sex in public places.

I think what is most important is that I wasn't ashamed or sad or lonely because I had never be with someone in that way. In fact, the two year gap I had between my last high school boyfriend and my first real love was the happiest I had been. It was the time that I was most comfortable with myself. Waiting till I was 20 years old made me not regret my decision with losing my virginity. For the first time, I looked at this guy and I knew that I wanted to have sex with him and I was going to enjoy myself. This guy was the perfect first time, not that the first time was perfect though... He waited so patiently for me to be ready. He didn't push or press or beg or pressure me into having sex with him. He let me make the first move.

In no way, shape, or form do I regret waiting, not the years it took me to get there or the three months with him that we didn't have sex. Nor do I feel like I was a sad and lonely soul because of it. I simply wanted to love someone and myself and then make that step.

I'm over society demonizing not having sex before you are 16. People shouldn't feel that pressure and these people who reach their adult years without having sex won't have such a fear of losing it. Wait till marriage if you want to, even if that is 20 years away. Wait for love if you want to. Or say fuck it and have for the first time at the natural average... but don't make people feel like freaks because they haven't.

Sex is great. It's healthy but let's not make it seem like the be all end all. You can be happy without sex.

sexual wellness
Read next: 9 Non-Pornographic Films Starring Pornographic Actresses

I am young and out of love currently traversing the dating world with some stories to tell. 

See all posts by O